I've Met My Match

My friend Patrick sent me a link today to a blog of sorts.  I think the author is a ham operator.  (Not sure.)  I read a few of his posts and figured out that I am an absolute rube in the intelligence/writing department.  The author is opinionated, without a doubt, and has command of the English language with words that I gave up using many years ago because they were way over the heads of my students and most friends.  (Do I want to sound smart or do I want to be understood?)  The man is erudite and articulate.  The problem is that I read several of his posts--certainly not anywhere near all--and realized that I wasn't totally sure where he stood on the issues that he brought up.  And he brought up many, as though he were an expert in history and societal trends.  Where was I when all of this happened??  Guess I've met my match.

Blogs, including my own, are the creations of people who need a public forum to express themselves.  There is no real opportunity for argument or reality checks.  It's your blog, so write all of the racist, homophobic, misogynist, political rants that you want.  Who is to say you nay?  My problem--and it IS a problem--is that I am wired to understand both sides of any given situation, so I am labeled a  LIBERAL.  It's true!  I am!  I can play Devil's Advocate in an attempt to TRY to get people to think for themselves, check their sources for facts, and move on in the direction that their faith or beliefs tell them to go.  Unfortunately, that's not popular these days...at least not in Indiana. 

Thus, I apologize for the banal nature of my blog posts.  Perhaps if I cared more about politics and studied more, I could seem studied and sound.  As it is, I have faith in the USA and believe that the Commander-in-Chief, no matter who he is, deserves respect and allegiance.  The conspiracists and doomsday planners among us are cutting into my positive attitude...and, to be honest, I need all of the positive attitude I can muster these days. 

We do what we do.  Carry on!

How My Mind Works

I have a friend (who shall remain nameless) who calls me almost every day on his way home from having morning "coffee".  I have known this man for probably 13 years, so I am beginning to understand how his mind works....but it isn't easy!  He doesn't call to talk WITH me....he talked TO me. As he drives on his way home, he will comment on things that he sees on the road...things I can't see and don't care about....interspersed with commentary about people and things of importance to him, and I never know when he has changed focus.  One minute, we are talking about someone in his family, and the next, it is someone else that we haven't even talked about.  Lately, I've called him out on warning me when he changes topics.  He now says "I don't have a good segue, so I'm talking about someone/something else."  It helps!  But that's how his mind works.  He is a stream-of-consciousness talker--not a listener.  Once I figured that out, I got better at listening to him and understanding that all he needs from me as a friend is validation.  I can't always give it to him, but I do care.

Six years ago, I suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm while visiting my sister in Illinois. I've already gone into the details of that several times on this blog...but I have come to realize that #1. I was not grateful enough for what was done for me, and #2. I learned a bit about how my brain works. I was not grateful enough because, at no time, did I believe I was in danger.  And that explains some of how my mind processes things.  I knew that my head hurt, and I knew that I was violently vomiting, sick as a dog...but at no time did I go unconscious or lose the ability to speak or walk or think.  To my addled brain, it was just an illness to get over.  Which, thanks be to God, I did.  My neurosurgeon's nurse in Peoria told me I would probably not remember any of what was done prior to or during surgery.  She was wrong.  Some of it is foggy, but I remember most of it.  My neurosurgeon in Indianapolis, once I got home, kept asking me if my mind seemed cloudy, like I couldn't think straight.  No...that never happened (and I kind of resented him for asking that!).

In my life's experiences, I have noticed that my brain shuts down in crisis situations.  It goes into overdrive, which is not to mean that it works harder....only that it goes to another place above all of the chaos.  I guess it would be more accurate to say it goes numb.  Thankfully, I haven't had too many of these situations to deal with.  The aneurysm was one of those.  I was like a passenger on a ship that was going to sail whether I wanted it to or not.  My mother's unexpected death was another one of those numbing occasions.  There were two others that I choose not to write about for fear of injuring people that I love, but I have to tell you that I learned a lot about myself in those happenings.

When not in crisis, I know that my mind processes with associations.  I taught English literature for a lot of years.  When a theme came up, I could often think of the same theme in other genres...themes that I hoped my students would understand.  I couldn't help but share them with my classes.  One day, I sang some lines to a song that verified the theme in a particular literary selection, and one of my students spoke up, "You make me sick!"  Thinking I was about to get a student-cricitism of my teaching technique, he said, "One minute, you are reading poetry, and the next minute, you burst into song!"  I think it was meant as a compliment.  I never apologized for it.  But from that, I came to understand that I cannot think of one theme without comparing it to another.  It's just how I am!!

Things I Will Never Understand

This will be a short post, prompted by frustrations.

I will NEVER understand why things that involve water are made from things that can rust.  I had to replace a garbage disposer once because it had rusted through.  Really??  A garbage disposer????
Then there are the baking pans.  Unless you can find an outlet that sells stainless steel (mostly for commercial businesses), you are stuck with pans that rust and look awful if you serve guests from them.

I also will NEVER understand pretty things that require special handling.  My daughter foolishly bought (expensive) gorgeous fall placemats made of wool and felt years ago, and I foolishly bought her more of them.  One spill...one spot...required dry cleaning.  Left in storage without cleaning, they mold.  I think the whole lot of those lovely placemats got thrown out.  Hurt me, big time!

The same thing applies to non-stick pans and other dishware.  I get that it needs to be handled gently, but I'm just not into washing it separately.  It goes into the dishwasher.  Period!  If it doesn't hold up, I won't buy it again.  Whatever...

So much for whining...



 

Lessons to Relearn

How old am I??? 
Here are some things I already know, but somehow forget about (and suffer the consequences).

If a Cheerio or a potato chip or a piece of popcorn gets dropped on the floor and not immediately picked up, it will get stepped on and rendered into crumbs that spread everywhere. 

If you trust a kid (or a kid-like man, it seems) with a glow stick, it will eventually be bent and played with enough that it will leak glowing fluid all over everything.

If you grease and flour a baking pan for a cake, then dump the excess flour into the sink, it will get wet and dry as hard as cement.

If you decide to soak a dirty pan in water, then don't take care of it right away, it will create a wonderful environment for fruit flies.  And if one of those pans happens to have beans in it, you can count on a magnificent stink!

If you don't take care of a problem right away...say, a condensate pump for your central air conditioner...you can count on a bigger problem....say, water leaking all over the carpet near the pump.

If you make a list of minor repairs, then start on them one at a time, you suddenly ask yourself why you didn't take care of them sooner!

You get the picture....

Living Alone, for Dummies

Once upon a time, my former spouse and I would go spelunking--"caving" for the uninitiated.  Central Indiana is littered with over 500 natural caves due to water soluble limestone.  Many of the caves have been primitively mapped by the US Geological Survey, and before we ventured out on our first trip, we stopped at IU in Bloomington at the USGS office to get copies of those maps.

The first order of a spelunking trip is telling someone where you are going and when you plan to be back.  (Duh!)  The second is to have (at least) three forms of light because--bottom line--there is NO light in caves.  Your eyes never adjust to the dark even to see shadows because, without light, there are no shadows to be seen.  You are, in essence, totally blind in unfamiliary territory, many feet underground in a pasture somewhere, with no one around to hear your cries for help.  People die that way.  Thus, redundancy of light sources is the order of the day. 

Living alone is a little like that--flying blind in uncharted waters.  Regardless of the circumstances that made you alone or how well you function that way, things have a different flavor.  I've always done quite well, but after the brain aneurysm and the heart attack, and my daughter's move to California (and now Illinois), I realized I had to make a network.  All of my blood relatives are four hours away.  I have had to consider that if things went seriously wrong, I would have to function on my own.  I still have work to do to make it easier for everyone, including me, but thinking things thoroughly through is the first step.

There are times when my grandchildren, both young, are here with me, alone.  I have made and posted on my refrigerator, a sheet that gives instructions and information, including my address, emergency numbers (both local and distant), a list of my allergies and medications, and the location of my brain clip and heart stent in my body.  If I should fall ill, all the children would need to do is call 911, unlock the front door, and hand the responders the sheet.  Sounds simple enough.  I also sent copies of this emergency sheet to everyone on the list, so everyone else has the numbers and information.  Redundancy.

For quite awhile, I had no phone in my bedroom.  Bad idea.  In an emergency, I would need one by the bed.  Took care of that two years ago with a requested Christmas present from my daughter.  As long as the power is on, I have a phone next to my bed. 

I have selected two people to have keys to my house.  One is a neighbor.  The other is my friend Judy and her husband, Phil, just across town.  Those are listed on the emergency sheet.  My daughter, of course, has one...

So much for the emergency situations.  What about other considerations?
FOOD is one.  As a veteran aloner, I advise not to buy any fresh fruit or produce that you can't consume in a week.  It requires more trips to the store as you need things, but otherwise, you will be throwing out a lot.  I still buy milk by the gallon, even though I can't drink/use a gallon in a week or two.  Sometimes, I have to throw out whole unopened gallons....but the farmers need the money and milk is a staple that you need when you need it.  (Half gallons aren't as economical and usually have an earlier expiration date.)  Besides milk, the only other thing I have trouble keeping is celery.  I can't use it up fast enough.  End up throwing out more than I use, darn it!  It doesn't keep as well as onions and certainly doesn't freeze. 

CELL PHONES are great, but (in my estimation) they don't cover for a land-line phone.  My daughter and her husband only have cell phones.  When I am there, I'm aware that when they leave the house, the only way for me (or anyone else) to have contact with the outside world is if MY cell phone is on....which it never is, unless I am on the road.  My cell phone is a dinosaur. Reception is fair, at best...  I just do what I can, but I do need to look at that situation a bit more...

FEAR is an issue.  There are so many people in the world who are so afraid of being alone that they unconsciously run from it all their lives.  It's sad, really.  Sooner or later, through death or divorce, we will all be alone, sometime.  It does take some adjustment if you aren't used to it, but it doesn't have to be something to fear.  I have amateur radio, church friends and interests, a small network of friends, the Internet, and (of course) family that keeps me busy.  I keep a TV on in at least one room all the time for background noise.  I don't miss someone to do my laundry or cook my meals because I've always done that for myself!  The best part now is that I can do those things when and if I wish.  No one looking over my shoulder demanding things.  I like that I!  I have never been afraid of being alone in the house.  I got that independence from my mother and grandmother, and maybe a little from my dad who shook my hand on the day I graduated from college, saying "I've done everything I can for you.  The rest is up to you."  How right he was!

SERENDIPITOUS EVENTS happen.  What do you do when all of your well-laid plans fail?  You rely on the goodness of people around you!  I have yet to be let down.  Three times, I have had young men stop along the roadside to change my flat tires.  Once, a semi-driver stopped to pick up my daughter and I on an interstate when my car broke down (just as a state policeman drove by without stopping).  Once, an African -American woman stopped when I had a breakdown, just to check to see that I'd be okay.  (I was.)  Alone doesn't mean ALONE.  Sometimes, it just means "different".  One way or another, you'll "get it"!



    
  





  

Fourth and Beyond, Part II

I figured Meg and family would stay until Sunday, but she informed me on Friday that they would be leaving on Saturday because they had left a messy house.  (Well, duh....I leave a messy house every time I go anywhere!)  Anyway, we soon arranged that the children would stay here for a grandparent visit. I hadn't planned for it but wasn't surprised.  There had been hints....

So, after Megan and Denis left, the children were mine, all mine!  God bless Grandma Judy--she cleared her schedule to help me entertain the kids.  I would rate the visit as a "B".  (It was an "A" for me, but I'm sure there were bored times for the children.)

On Sunday, Grandpa Phil treated us all to a Chinese buffet after church, then Ryan went to play with his friend from the old days while Robin went for some "girl time" with Grandma Judy. 

Monday, Judy and I took the kids to the  movies to see Monsters University.  Thereafter, I took the kids to Hummel Park to play, then to Dairy Queen for a treat that we ate at Friendship Gardens.

Tuesday, Judy and I took the kids to Splash Island.  SI is the outdoor pool at Plainfield's Rec Center--just a fun place for kids, with a whirlpool, an inner-tube "leisure river", slides, diving boards, and lots of ways to have fun and get wet.  In the evening, I took the kids to Swinford Park to play a bit. 

Wednesday, I had a problem with the condensate pump for my AC.  It was leaking all over the floor/carpet, so we needed to stay home.  Interestingly, the children managed to self-entertain because they needed to!

Thursday, I had arranged for Ryan's buddy's family to meet us at Splash Island, but had decided that I probably needed to stay home to do laundry and mop up the mess after the condensate pump thing.  God bless Grandma Judy....she stuck with the kids while I did my thing.  (To Ryan's disappointment, his buddy...who is 13 and doesn't know how to swim...would not even go in the water.  That's a different post!  The boy's sister, however, would play.)  After SI, I met them--my family--at Steak 'n Shake.  We ordered from the $4 menu and something about buy one/get one free milk shakes....   (Just by way of information, S 'n S could sell more milk shakes if they didn't keep the place so blasted cold!!)

After Steak 'n Shake, I drove the kids to a new store in town:  Five Below.  Had never been there, but the granddaughter of my friend Ryan works there, and he said it was a great store for kids.  Well!  The instant we walked in, Robin declared that it was a fantastic store.  Everything in the place is priced $5 or below.  The merchandise is trendy and trinkety, but not total junk.  I gave the kids $10 apiece to spend. They were happily in the midst of that when Ry decided he had to go to the bathroom..and when we connected with Robin, she said she did, too.  Ugh!  We put stuff back on the shelves and departed for a gas station to use the potty, then went back to the store to pick up where we left off.  While later, we emerged with our treasures.  And when we got home, the kids really got into playing World of Warcraft on their computers.  By this time, I was really pooped.  I sent them off the bed with no real expectation that they would actually do that...

Friday, I had to ride herd on the kids to get everything packed.  Clean clothes in the suitcases.  Dirty clothes in the garbage bag.  Electronics in the pink bag.  Everything else where it belongs.  We left about 11:45 AM for Merrillville, IN, to meet up with their mother for the weekend kid trade.  We did well with that, considering the distances.  Meg got to the meeting place about a minute before we did!
The trip back was a lot longer because there was no on in the car to talk to.  :(

You know, I didn't have too many "special" moments with the kids, but for me, every moment with them is special.  (Not so sure about them.)  But I treasure the little things.  Robin has decided that I should live with her when I get too old to live alone, so she can take care of me.  Ryan has decided that he'd like to live here again.  I love them both for that.  All I want out of life is for them to know how very much I love them.  If they haven't figured that out by now, I have failed!!

I will go up for Robin's birthday in early August and will most likely have them here again in mid-August while Meg and Denis attend a Greek wedding for Thomas--pronounced toe-MAS--who was Denis's first friend in the US, even though they both were foreign students.  In the meantime, I do what I can to still be part of their lives.  I sure do love my grandbabies!

Fourth...and Beyond, Part I

I don't think I mentioned in my last post that I was expecting my daughter and family to be here for the Fourth.  I had a hint that they were coming for the long weekend, but had no idea that they were coming for the whole week.  That's why I didn't post much.  I was too busy cleaning and preparing!

I had help.  My friend James and wife do a lot for me here without asking for a cent, but I do try to pay them, unless they are doing something I didn't ask for.  (They do that a lot.  And I am grateful.)  In any case, when the family got here, I was in the Ready or Not, Here They Come stage. 

The family came on Monday afternoon.  Denis came sick with a cold or something, which Megan soon caught.  Thankfully, the children and I didn't catch it.  Thus, things were sort of low-key.  We arranged for Ryan to play with his buddy, Jack....we shopped for groceries...we prepared food for our Fourth "picnic" with the Heffelman grandparents...and generally had a good time.  Megan and Denis played Mine Craft with the children on their respective computers.  Grandma Peggy just tried to keep up with the meals and the dishes, etc. 

Indiana is on Eastern Daylight Time, while Illinois (where my family lives) in on Central.  It shouldn't be a big deal, but my family tends to sleep late.  Some days, it was close to noon before the troops got up, which throws a monkey wrench into meal planning.  I'm learning to adjust to that. 

On July 4th, we were ready to roll with a 3:00 PM indoor picnic with Grandma Judy, Grandpa Phil, and Uncle Dan.  We had lots of bratwurst of varying kinds, with grilled onions and peppers, potato salad, Phil's fantastic baked bean creation, chips, relishes, watermelon, fruit kabobs, and Judy's poke cake.  We didn't have to send out for pizza! 

After the meal, Uncle Dan went home.  Denis, Phil, and the children walked to Hummel Park down the hill from my house where the Fourth festivities were to take place.  Megan drove Judy and me to the west side of the park where we took up residence on folding chairs in front of the band shell while the children played in the bouncy houses, etc., on the other side of the bridge.  They were all supposed to join us at 7:30 when the concert started, but they were too busy to be bothered, at first.  They missed some of the best stuff of the concert.

I probably should insert here that, after my ex and I split up, Meg and I were looking for Fourth of July experiences, and went to Symphony on the Prairie for about four years.  It required driving up to Connor Prairie (state park??), with a picnic supper and chairs, and waiting until the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra started their "patriotic pops" concert.  Then, at dark, the orchestra would play the 1812 Overture and the fireworks would start...with Stars and Stripes Forever as the finale.  It was pricey, but it made for a great evening, if you could stand the heat until the sun went down.  Before the family left for my place, I hesitantly asked Meg if she and Denis had any desire to do the Prairie thing with the kids.  I think she really wanted to go, but after she tallied up the cost, she decided against it. 

Now, here's the good part:  everything at Hummel Park smacked of the Symphony on the Prairie experience, except it was free!!  The Hendricks County Symphony Orchestra and Symphonic Choir did a three-hour concert of music composed by artists who had repatriated from other lands.  The very first number they did, after the National Anthem, was God Bless America, which was written by Irving Berlin, who was a Russian immigrant.  The maestro dedicated it to those who are not "native born" but who have chosen the US as their home....and Denis was still playing with the kids on the other side of the bridge when it happened!!  The concert consisted of Irish tunes and show tunes. Then there was the salute to the armed forces, where the orchestra played the familiar songs of the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines...and the veterans in the audience were asked to stand when their branch of service was played, and remain standing until the end.  (I always have trouble getting through that without weeping.  I grew up on Anchors Aweigh!) 

The last set of the evening was the fireworks music.  The orchestra started with the 1812 Overture, and when the first cannon fired, the fireworks started!  Thereafter, they played the William Tell Overture, the Light Cavalry Overture, and ended with--always the favorite--Stars and Stripes Forever.  I'm not at all sure how Plainfield can top this next year.  We had it all!   

We were involved in Plainfield's version of traffic gridlock getting out of the park, but it was okay.  Phil and Judy went home.  The rest of us retired to the patio at home to do sparklers and minor fireworks.  I don't know about anyone else, but this Fourth was all I could ever hope for: small town feel with good food and lots of fun.  By this time next year, we should already have a brand new American citizen in the family.  I'm already planning the party!