I've never been one to be at a loss for words in the past, and the same thing is true now. So why have I not been writing in my blog? My sister keeps reminding me that I haven't posted anything lately. I apologize to those who might be entertained by reading my mind ramblings on a more regular basis, but "stuff" happens, ya know?
I am going to use overwhelmed as my excuse. My daughter's expression for that is "too much crap on [her] plate". I guess I could say that, too. If it works for others, why not me as well?
The arrival of my Russian friends on February 5th started my status as overwhelmed. I didn't have as much time to write things, although I did make some entries describing dealing with another culture. I confess I didn't do much work while they were here, but I did have to supervise what they did, and sometimes just keeping them supplied with the things they needed to succeed in the work they did for me took some doing. (Oh, the life of a lowly supervisor!)
It seemed that the one thing that kept the male half of the working machine well-oiled was beer. I couldn't supervise the beer supply because he kept it hidden from his wife due to her major objections to his drinking, but on a couple of occasions, he came to me (secretly, with paintbrush in hand) to request beer in order to remain on task. When I brought it home from the store, I left it in my vehicle for him to put wherever it was he put it when the opportunity arose. And of course, on Saturdays, I was sure to pick up a 12-pack for him knowing that we couldn't buy any on Sunday. (This IS Indiana, you know...) Thus part of my job as supervisor was to supply beer to the man who was working on my house for free. They departed for Florida on March 20th (Monday) and arrived on the following Wednesday, none the worse for wear.
Another overwhelming thing is the prospect of moving to Seattle. Were I more mobile and viable, I wouldn't be so scared. Still, deconstructing a home of 25 years to go and live with family who may or may not appreciate my need to feel useful, and my poor attempts at humor, is quite daunting. There are so many things to consider--so many things to discuss and think about. And, considering how embroiled my daughter's life has been over the last few months, I have held off having The Conversation about expectations. I'm still confused.
One evening when the Russians were here, Luda and I were sitting at the kitchen table just talking (as well as our limited vocabulary allowed). She was asking me about what I thought concerning moving to Seattle. I told her that it was hard to give up everything to do that and mentioned that I knew she understood because she had done it when leaving Russia, with the expectation that all would be well living with her son and family. (All was NOT well, but they didn't know it at the time.) She keep saying, "It is very hard". She was the reason they came to America, having to convince Sergei. And then she put her face in her hands and sobbed, "I was stupid woman! Stupid, stupid woman!" My heart broke for her. Things went afoul for them...mostly misunderstandings and injured feelings on both sides of the fence...from which, I guess, there is no return. It didn't help my own quandary about moving in with my kids. Sometimes mere love is not enough.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my sister has fallen and broken a rib. This woman is the primary caregiver to her husband with dementia while still wanting to be the anchor for family activities like Easter egg hunts and family dinners. I worry about her. I'm afraid that the stress of all she does for everyone causes her not to take care of herself--although I admit that she "doctors" more than I do. I'm just concerned about her. It's going to be a couple of months before she is going to feel good enough to sleep and reach and breathe and do all of the other things that involve the rib cage. She could use some prayers, please!
And then, of course, there is the whole political scene in the US right now. I have lost faith in our political system. When Donald Trump first announced that he was going to run for president, I just knew that the Republicans would come up with someone more experienced and acceptable to mainstream Americans, but it didn't happen. Much to my and many (if not most) of the Republican Party's chagrin, the Trump initiative has gathered strength to the point that it looks as though he will, by default, get the GOP's nomination as their presidential candidate. No one seems to be able to stop him, and I'm absolutely sick about it. I will vote for Alfred E. Newman before I will vote for Donald Trump, but I fear that there are too many Americans who will give him their vote only because he has captured the media's attention with his antics. He is NOT presidential material. The rest of the world is watching us and laughing. I don't think it's funny. It totally depresses me. And I have no clue what to do about that. I have mostly given up watching the news because it changes who I am. I haven't given up yet; I just feel strongly about what I believe, and Donald Trump ain't it! In a larger sense, I am watching our time-honored system of government implode before my very eyes. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid for our country.
All of this represents why I haven't written on the blog. My heart is so full that it might explode at any moment, and I would come across as just another senile crackpot. So, my dear readers, you must forgive me for my lack of focus. I'm trying. Really, I am.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Sunday, March 20, 2016
All Good Things Must Come to an End
That was one of my mother's favorite sayings. Why is it that bad things never seem to stop, but good things have a beginning and an end?
I am referring to the end of my Russian friends' visit. These are my son-in-law's parents. (Why is there no word for that relationship??) They have been here since February 5th, and even though their new/old mobile home has been empty and waiting for them in Florida for well over a month, they chose to stay here to help me get things done in my little house-on-a-slab. And help, they have!
In the six weeks that they have been here, I haven't had to go to the mailbox once, nor take out the garbage, nor take the trash cans to the street on Garbage Day. I haven't had to carry groceries into the house from the car. Haven't done dishes after meals. Haven't dusted or vacuumed or washed floors. That has all been done for me by the whirlwind(s) that are Luda and Sergei.
But that's not the half of it. In that same six weeks, many other heavy-duty things were done by them. Here is the short list:
*Cleaned up the watery mess under the kitchen sink when it was discovered that the garbage disposer was leaking.
*Removed everything from the walls in both LR and kitchen, and spackled all of the nail holes, plus spackled a crack that appeared in the ceiling corner of the kitchen wall when the garage was being remodeled back in...when?...2008?
*Painted the living room ceiling, walls, and adjoining hallway, plus trim.
*Installed three new sets of blinds on the LR bay windows.
*Installed a new overhead light in the garage bedroom to replace the broken ceiling fan. (We tried to find parts to fix the fan but couldn't.)
*Stripped wallpaper in the kitchen. (This was a nasty many-day job, and Luda did 100% of it alone!)
*Painted the kitchen and trim.
*Installed two new sets of blinds on the kitchen and back door windows.
*Washed down all of the kitchen cabinets.
*Replaced a couple of small baseboard pieces that had been missing for YEARS.
*Fixed a cranky lock on the front door.
*Replaced yet another toilet flapper in the half-bath.
There is more. I just can't remember it all. In the meantime, there have been daily meals, a couple of dinners at our Heffelman friends', a couple of birthdays (one of which was at Olive Garden for a real treat), helping out (a little bit) at church, plus a St. Patrick's Day corned beef dinner here with the Heffelmans in attendance. I guess you could say we've been busy!
As the Russian friends have determined their day of departure, I've noticed that their moods have lightened. I don't take that ill because I am ready for them to be on their own, too. We all have our quirks. I am so very grateful for all they have done. We've had our little jokes. They walk in the park or go to the gym (on a membership that I got for them the very first full day they were here). I don't think their time here has been wasted. I've tried to look out for them in the same way that they have looked out for me. As I said, I will miss them.
God bless them. God bless me. I pray that they find jobs and happiness in Florida. All good things come to an end...but not until we die. May God protect my Russian friends!
I am referring to the end of my Russian friends' visit. These are my son-in-law's parents. (Why is there no word for that relationship??) They have been here since February 5th, and even though their new/old mobile home has been empty and waiting for them in Florida for well over a month, they chose to stay here to help me get things done in my little house-on-a-slab. And help, they have!
In the six weeks that they have been here, I haven't had to go to the mailbox once, nor take out the garbage, nor take the trash cans to the street on Garbage Day. I haven't had to carry groceries into the house from the car. Haven't done dishes after meals. Haven't dusted or vacuumed or washed floors. That has all been done for me by the whirlwind(s) that are Luda and Sergei.
But that's not the half of it. In that same six weeks, many other heavy-duty things were done by them. Here is the short list:
*Cleaned up the watery mess under the kitchen sink when it was discovered that the garbage disposer was leaking.
*Removed everything from the walls in both LR and kitchen, and spackled all of the nail holes, plus spackled a crack that appeared in the ceiling corner of the kitchen wall when the garage was being remodeled back in...when?...2008?
*Painted the living room ceiling, walls, and adjoining hallway, plus trim.
*Installed three new sets of blinds on the LR bay windows.
*Installed a new overhead light in the garage bedroom to replace the broken ceiling fan. (We tried to find parts to fix the fan but couldn't.)
*Stripped wallpaper in the kitchen. (This was a nasty many-day job, and Luda did 100% of it alone!)
*Painted the kitchen and trim.
*Installed two new sets of blinds on the kitchen and back door windows.
*Washed down all of the kitchen cabinets.
*Replaced a couple of small baseboard pieces that had been missing for YEARS.
*Fixed a cranky lock on the front door.
*Replaced yet another toilet flapper in the half-bath.
There is more. I just can't remember it all. In the meantime, there have been daily meals, a couple of dinners at our Heffelman friends', a couple of birthdays (one of which was at Olive Garden for a real treat), helping out (a little bit) at church, plus a St. Patrick's Day corned beef dinner here with the Heffelmans in attendance. I guess you could say we've been busy!
As the Russian friends have determined their day of departure, I've noticed that their moods have lightened. I don't take that ill because I am ready for them to be on their own, too. We all have our quirks. I am so very grateful for all they have done. We've had our little jokes. They walk in the park or go to the gym (on a membership that I got for them the very first full day they were here). I don't think their time here has been wasted. I've tried to look out for them in the same way that they have looked out for me. As I said, I will miss them.
God bless them. God bless me. I pray that they find jobs and happiness in Florida. All good things come to an end...but not until we die. May God protect my Russian friends!
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
It Isn't Whether You Win or Lose...
Picking one's battles isn't just a technique for parents. Sometimes, adults have to use the same methods in dealing with other adults. If you've never been initiated, here is the crucial question for anyone engaged in a power struggle with another person: Is the result worth the angst and hard feelings? Is it so important for you to be right that you are willing to sacrifice whatever peace there may be in order to have that righteousness for a few moments? "Picking your battles" means making a decision about whether or not the fight is worth the outcome.
There is also an expression that has to do with who will consider any decision harmful to him/her based on whether or not he/she has a stake in it. The rightness or wrongness of any decision has to do with perspective. In short: whose ox is gored?
For close to four weeks, I have had live-in help from Russia. These are my son-in-law's parents. When they arrived here, they only had a rental mobile home in Florida to look forward to for eight months, and it wouldn't be ready until April 1st. Staying with me was to be a stop-gap measure for them and a whole lot of help for me. Since then, they have actually purchased a different mobile home...an older one...which is ready for them now, but they haven't abandoned me. They are staying to help. I am so blessed!
There are, of course, problems here and there. And this is where I activate the "choosing battles" thing. We have a language barrier and a cultural barrier. Both tend to cause me to treat my Russian friends a bit like children when they are not. I forget that they have experience in the real world, even though it is not the American real world. They aren't stupid, but they are ignorant of some things, in the purest sense of the word. They just don't know. Makes a difference!
One of the first issues I've had is in trying to convince Sergei that his car doesn't need an oil change right now. The car that he has was leased by my daughter and son-in-law for months prior to the Russian parents' arrival in the US, but Sergei and wife bought out the lease in early December. The last oil change he had was two weeks before the purchase, still under lease, and thus no charge to him. And when the service people put the sticker on the windshield--not knowing that he would be purchasing the vehicle-- it said, "next warranty service due March 1st". That told Sergei that the car needed "warranty service"--not a simple oil change--on March 1st, so a couple of days ago, I called a local Honda dealer to make an appointment for whatever warranty service they do. The Service Manager kept asking me what kind of problem they were having with the car. I said none...and that's when the SM and I determined that the "warranty service" consisted of an oil change, and that anyone can do it--not just a dealer. Sergei has confused the requirements of the former lease with actual warranty work. In short, since the car is no longer leased, the oil changes will be at his expense.
I've explained all of that, but he still doesn't get it. The oil was changed in the car on December 12th. Since then, it has only been driven around the neighborhood in the Chicago area, then to Indianapolis, but still hasn't reached the 3,000 mile recommendation. Furthermore, my daughter--who drove the car for months before the Russians even arrived in the US--tells me that the vehicle has a sensor that will flash a light on the dashboard when the oil is dirty and needs to be changed. I explained that, too. He says no. Either he doesn't believe me or doesn't understand.
On March 1st. Sergei announced that he would have to get the oil changed. I said it didn't need it yet. He pointed his finger in the air and said something about 7,000 miles...and I gave up. Bottom line? It's not my car. It's not my money. If he wants to get the oil changed before it needs to be done, so be it. Maybe someone else will have more luck making him understand!
Another battle, which I've already written about, has to do with the healthful nature of foods. After the one joking conversation we had about the fats that they (mostly Sergei) adds to food, we had another more serious discussion. This one, I think, annoyed Sergei. When I commented about the amount of fat that he added to his foods, he pointed out to me that it was okay to have two tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil every day. That's "good" fat. He told me that a doctor told him that. Of course, he failed to mention all of the fats in the cheeses and the butter and the sour cream and other cooking oils that he inhales as if they were water. It's as if the doctor told him that he SHOULD have two tablespoons of olive oil every day, rather than "up to" two tablespoons of the stuff. There is nothing that I can do to change his mind, so I gave up. This man is an adult. He reads food labels the same as I do. How he interprets them is quite something else! HOWEVER, it was pointed out to me that Sergei lost 100 pounds while still in Russia and since I've known him. I have lost NOTHING. Who is the joke on now??
Then there is the "blonds" issue. We've been painting the living room. All of the trim, including the bay window, has been white. The blinds ("blonds") that have been installed for well over 25 years, are beige, and very dirty. Since blinds aren't very expensive, it was my executive decision to trash the old ones and buy new in pure white. The Russians and I all went to Menard's to have some cut (after trips to both Walmart and Meijer to see if there were any stock sizes that would work). They didn't understand that blinds could be cut to custom sizes. Surprise! Anyway, we bought three to fit the bay window and went home. Guess what? I bought the wrong length! They are about 4"-5" too short! Because they were custom cut, I was pretty sure they couldn't be returned to the store, so I knew I was just going to have to absorb the $44 due to my own stupidity. That threw my Russian friends into apoplexy, however. They were all set just to wash the old ones and re-use them. I was just as set to get what I wanted. Thus, I headed to Menard's the next morning before my friends were even out of bed for three new sets of blinds--the right size, this time. I won! (Well, I won...unless you consider the fact that the blinds cost twice what they would have had I bothered to consider the length!)
And so it goes. There will be other battles to pick. I guess the outcome will be determined by whose ox is gored and who can outlast the others in stubbornness. Not much of a happy way to end battles, but better than losing friends!
There is also an expression that has to do with who will consider any decision harmful to him/her based on whether or not he/she has a stake in it. The rightness or wrongness of any decision has to do with perspective. In short: whose ox is gored?
For close to four weeks, I have had live-in help from Russia. These are my son-in-law's parents. When they arrived here, they only had a rental mobile home in Florida to look forward to for eight months, and it wouldn't be ready until April 1st. Staying with me was to be a stop-gap measure for them and a whole lot of help for me. Since then, they have actually purchased a different mobile home...an older one...which is ready for them now, but they haven't abandoned me. They are staying to help. I am so blessed!
There are, of course, problems here and there. And this is where I activate the "choosing battles" thing. We have a language barrier and a cultural barrier. Both tend to cause me to treat my Russian friends a bit like children when they are not. I forget that they have experience in the real world, even though it is not the American real world. They aren't stupid, but they are ignorant of some things, in the purest sense of the word. They just don't know. Makes a difference!
One of the first issues I've had is in trying to convince Sergei that his car doesn't need an oil change right now. The car that he has was leased by my daughter and son-in-law for months prior to the Russian parents' arrival in the US, but Sergei and wife bought out the lease in early December. The last oil change he had was two weeks before the purchase, still under lease, and thus no charge to him. And when the service people put the sticker on the windshield--not knowing that he would be purchasing the vehicle-- it said, "next warranty service due March 1st". That told Sergei that the car needed "warranty service"--not a simple oil change--on March 1st, so a couple of days ago, I called a local Honda dealer to make an appointment for whatever warranty service they do. The Service Manager kept asking me what kind of problem they were having with the car. I said none...and that's when the SM and I determined that the "warranty service" consisted of an oil change, and that anyone can do it--not just a dealer. Sergei has confused the requirements of the former lease with actual warranty work. In short, since the car is no longer leased, the oil changes will be at his expense.
I've explained all of that, but he still doesn't get it. The oil was changed in the car on December 12th. Since then, it has only been driven around the neighborhood in the Chicago area, then to Indianapolis, but still hasn't reached the 3,000 mile recommendation. Furthermore, my daughter--who drove the car for months before the Russians even arrived in the US--tells me that the vehicle has a sensor that will flash a light on the dashboard when the oil is dirty and needs to be changed. I explained that, too. He says no. Either he doesn't believe me or doesn't understand.
On March 1st. Sergei announced that he would have to get the oil changed. I said it didn't need it yet. He pointed his finger in the air and said something about 7,000 miles...and I gave up. Bottom line? It's not my car. It's not my money. If he wants to get the oil changed before it needs to be done, so be it. Maybe someone else will have more luck making him understand!
Another battle, which I've already written about, has to do with the healthful nature of foods. After the one joking conversation we had about the fats that they (mostly Sergei) adds to food, we had another more serious discussion. This one, I think, annoyed Sergei. When I commented about the amount of fat that he added to his foods, he pointed out to me that it was okay to have two tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil every day. That's "good" fat. He told me that a doctor told him that. Of course, he failed to mention all of the fats in the cheeses and the butter and the sour cream and other cooking oils that he inhales as if they were water. It's as if the doctor told him that he SHOULD have two tablespoons of olive oil every day, rather than "up to" two tablespoons of the stuff. There is nothing that I can do to change his mind, so I gave up. This man is an adult. He reads food labels the same as I do. How he interprets them is quite something else! HOWEVER, it was pointed out to me that Sergei lost 100 pounds while still in Russia and since I've known him. I have lost NOTHING. Who is the joke on now??
Then there is the "blonds" issue. We've been painting the living room. All of the trim, including the bay window, has been white. The blinds ("blonds") that have been installed for well over 25 years, are beige, and very dirty. Since blinds aren't very expensive, it was my executive decision to trash the old ones and buy new in pure white. The Russians and I all went to Menard's to have some cut (after trips to both Walmart and Meijer to see if there were any stock sizes that would work). They didn't understand that blinds could be cut to custom sizes. Surprise! Anyway, we bought three to fit the bay window and went home. Guess what? I bought the wrong length! They are about 4"-5" too short! Because they were custom cut, I was pretty sure they couldn't be returned to the store, so I knew I was just going to have to absorb the $44 due to my own stupidity. That threw my Russian friends into apoplexy, however. They were all set just to wash the old ones and re-use them. I was just as set to get what I wanted. Thus, I headed to Menard's the next morning before my friends were even out of bed for three new sets of blinds--the right size, this time. I won! (Well, I won...unless you consider the fact that the blinds cost twice what they would have had I bothered to consider the length!)
And so it goes. There will be other battles to pick. I guess the outcome will be determined by whose ox is gored and who can outlast the others in stubbornness. Not much of a happy way to end battles, but better than losing friends!
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