In all of my 69 years on the planet, I have come to understand that there are basically two unconscious motivating factors for people: fear of being alone, and fear of public humiliation. The first makes people form unhealthy relationships for lack of better ones; the second is a major source of suicide. I'm just going to talk about the alone thing because I think I'm an expert. The public humiliation issue is a whole other blog post!
I have lived alone for many years. I complain about it, sometimes, but I actually do better alone than I do with people who expect things of me. Why? I spent way too many years accepting the role of caregiver. It wasn't exactly something that was foist on me. I just did it. I thought that's what I was supposed to do, so I did it. In the end, the people that I gave the most to turned their backs on me, and that's when I decided that I'd do better just to be on my own.
But there was a time, as a young married woman, when I expected that my husband would care for me and our child. I'll spare the gory details, but it didn't happen. Our daughter and I were floating on the ocean on a cork, "all, all alone". I felt so totally lonely, it was pathetic.
Once, after we moved to a new community for his job, my then-husband threw himself into his job. I was being mommy to a toddler but was doing it alone. I went to church one Sunday. Thereafter, the minister came to call. (Ministers used to do that as part of their ministry!) In our relatively short conversation, I revealed to him that I felt so very alone. His next comment blew me away: "You don't need to feel alone ever again". Of course, it was his job to say that, but it was what I needed to hear. I felt so much better then, like I had someone or something to bolster me up in trying times. There is no one quite so alone as the mother of small children!
On Facebook today, I watched a dashcam video of a policeman answering a call of a man running in and out of traffic on an interstate (or major highway). When the man saw the policeman, he made a run to throw himself over a wall at the side of the road which would lead to a deadly plunge to a roadway beneath. The cop managed to tackle the piteously weeping man just as he reached the wall. He cried uncontrollably that his family was dead and he wanted to be, too. (No other details.) The audio is hard to discern, but the policeman held the guy down in an attempt to calm him. What I could hear from the policeman was, "You are not alone!" Finally, the suicidal fellow quieted enough to be taken for emotional evaluation. All I could think of was, if the man hadn't felt alone, he might not have attempted this. The policeman was so very right!
I endlessly watch Dr. Phil shows. Sometimes, he has what seems like hopeless cases--people who are so hard-hearted and covered over that they defend horrible behavior and deflect responsibility for what they have done. Generally, he throws what he calls the "bullshit flag" on them, telling them how very wrong they are for what they are doing...and then he softens his tone and his approach. Quietly, he will say, "Don't you feel so very alone?" That's when the magic happens. To a person, women, children, and even big strapping men, dissolve into tears. They become little kids, trying so hard to make their way in life, thinking they have to be strong, yet feel unloved and lonely. In this condition, they are finally honest and can more readily accept the help that he offers them. Would that it were that easy in the rest of the world!
I have decided that the best thing you can do for/say to a person who is experiencing emotional pain is, "You don't have to feel alone ever again. We'll get through this together." That implies that you will be there...that you will endure with the sufferer. Anything less is worse than the actual fact of being alone. Aloneness is a state of mind. Unless you find yourself in solitary confinement as a civil punishment for something heinous, you have expectations of societal living. You expect to have friends. You expect to be able to function in some normal manner. You need others to cushion your falls and uplift your failures. Without those, you tend to feel alone, even if your perspective is warped. You need to reach out. Look to others to see how they endure. Be thankful for what you have over and above what they have.
God made you who you are. You don't need anyone else to complete you. Having a companion is far preferable to living alone, but if you ARE alone, make the best of it. I have. If I can do it, YOU can do it!
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Honor Society
I am here to claim my due. Grandmother Bragging Rights are mine today! My granddaughter, Robin, will be inducted into her middle school's honor society at the beginning of June. Am I proud? You betcha! And here's why:
This young lady has only been in that school since January, when the family relocated to the Pacific Northwest from the Chicago area. She had relocated in the Chicago area just a year or so before that, after a bit of a rocky bump in the road of her previous living circumstances. In short, she was the New Kid twice in rapid succession, and an honor student in both places. Middle school is the absolute worst when it comes to fitting in, yet Robin worked and worked to do just that, plus maintain excellent grades--twice. Quite an accomplishment!
National Junior Honor Society (for middle-schoolers) and National Honor Society (for grades 11 and 12) are (obviously) national organizations that recognize students for certain exemplary qualities. Membership is not only an honor but also a responsibility. Membership in the organization has no prizes other than recognition. Maintaining membership, however, requires that a student's grade point average (GPA) remains above a certain level. He/She must also attend meetings plus be responsible for a minimum number of service hours to the community per year. Failure to maintain the standards excludes a student from membership in the group.
When I was still a teaching lady, I was the NHS Sponsor for my high school for a couple of years. Just so you'll see the merits of Robin's achievement, here was our selection process, patterned directly after the recommendations of the organization at the national level:
1. The Sponsor obtains a list of all students of qualifying age from the administration, along with each student's GPA. Students whose GPAs are at or above the 3.5 (on a 4.0 scale) national minimum become potential candidates for membership.
2. The Sponsor prepares a scoring sheet that includes the names of all potential members and distributes this sheet to all appropriate faculty members. Each qualifying student is rated numerically by the faculty, each on his/her own merit, in the areas of scholarship, leadership, character, citizenship, and service. (I personally don't remember "citizenship" being on the list, but I do note that it is on current lists.)
3. The Sponsor collects these score sheets and computes a mean average score for each potential member, allowing for personality issues of teachers by dropping one of the lowest ratings and one of the highest ratings.
4. The Sponsor then meets with a volunteer Advisory Board of three-to-five teachers. Those teachers are given a "blind" sheet (meaning no student names are on it), showing the range and frequency of the mean average scores of potential student honorees. The Advisory Board determines a cut-off score based on the frequency and other considerations (such as the size of the group of potential honorees). This cut-off score decides who will be invited for induction into NHS.
5. The Sponsor then issues an invitation to join the Society to all students who make the cut. The students must then write a formal letter of acceptance. The letter must include the reasons why they want to join. (Those who do not write the letter are not inducted. Believe it or not, it happens.)
6. The induction ceremony into NJHS or NHS is a formal process. Parents and faculty are invited. Current members set up the tables and seating, provide the refreshments, and perform the ceremony--complete with lighting candles and speaking words about each characteristic standard of the Society. Inductees may choose a special someone, if desired, to pin them. Then there are pictures and a receiving line, of sorts. It is a proud occasion for families and students, alike!
The whole selection process happens the way it does to protect the sponsor, the school, and the teachers from accusations of prejudice from unhappy families if their child doesn't get picked for membership. (Most people don't have any idea how the selections are made.) The Sponsor has nothing to do with who gets in, nor does the Advisory Board (since they don't get to see the names of the students in the process). I did have one female student who had excellent grades but a negative attitude. She was scored lower on the rating scale by her teachers than many other students whose grades weren't as good as hers. As it happened, she didn't make the cut. Her parents challenged the results. Once I explained the selection process to them, they had no further recourse.
One year, I was teaching 10th grade English. One of the boys in my honors class came in bragging--or maybe complaining--that his custodial grandfather had taken away his car keys and newly-issued driver's license when he got in trouble with the police for driving erratically and bouncing pumpkins off of rural mailboxes with his buddies. I said, "Victor, that kind of behavior will jeopardize the possibility of getting into National Honor Society. Have you thought of that?" Oh...no.....he hadn't, he said with eyes wide. Eventually, Victor became un-grounded and got his keys and license back from Grandpa. Two weeks later, Victor was killed in a fiery car crash that killed another of his classmates and seriously injured yet another. It happened because of speed on a rain-slicked country road that happened to have a tree right at the edge of the pavement. Does the potential of getting into NHS provide the encouragement to protect one's behavior and reputation by behaving well? No, but it can...for forward-thinking youngsters who care. Victor cared. He just didn't make the connection, I guess.
Which brings me back to Robin. I think she makes the connection. I'm so very proud of her--not just because she works hard to be a good student. And not just because she is my granddaughter (although that is reason enough). But rather because she has overcome so many negative things in her life, with the help of her parents, to become the kind of kid that everyone would love to have. I don't know what the future will bring for her, but for right now, it's enough.
Congratulations, my little Robin bird! You are such a blessing!
This young lady has only been in that school since January, when the family relocated to the Pacific Northwest from the Chicago area. She had relocated in the Chicago area just a year or so before that, after a bit of a rocky bump in the road of her previous living circumstances. In short, she was the New Kid twice in rapid succession, and an honor student in both places. Middle school is the absolute worst when it comes to fitting in, yet Robin worked and worked to do just that, plus maintain excellent grades--twice. Quite an accomplishment!
National Junior Honor Society (for middle-schoolers) and National Honor Society (for grades 11 and 12) are (obviously) national organizations that recognize students for certain exemplary qualities. Membership is not only an honor but also a responsibility. Membership in the organization has no prizes other than recognition. Maintaining membership, however, requires that a student's grade point average (GPA) remains above a certain level. He/She must also attend meetings plus be responsible for a minimum number of service hours to the community per year. Failure to maintain the standards excludes a student from membership in the group.
When I was still a teaching lady, I was the NHS Sponsor for my high school for a couple of years. Just so you'll see the merits of Robin's achievement, here was our selection process, patterned directly after the recommendations of the organization at the national level:
1. The Sponsor obtains a list of all students of qualifying age from the administration, along with each student's GPA. Students whose GPAs are at or above the 3.5 (on a 4.0 scale) national minimum become potential candidates for membership.
2. The Sponsor prepares a scoring sheet that includes the names of all potential members and distributes this sheet to all appropriate faculty members. Each qualifying student is rated numerically by the faculty, each on his/her own merit, in the areas of scholarship, leadership, character, citizenship, and service. (I personally don't remember "citizenship" being on the list, but I do note that it is on current lists.)
3. The Sponsor collects these score sheets and computes a mean average score for each potential member, allowing for personality issues of teachers by dropping one of the lowest ratings and one of the highest ratings.
4. The Sponsor then meets with a volunteer Advisory Board of three-to-five teachers. Those teachers are given a "blind" sheet (meaning no student names are on it), showing the range and frequency of the mean average scores of potential student honorees. The Advisory Board determines a cut-off score based on the frequency and other considerations (such as the size of the group of potential honorees). This cut-off score decides who will be invited for induction into NHS.
5. The Sponsor then issues an invitation to join the Society to all students who make the cut. The students must then write a formal letter of acceptance. The letter must include the reasons why they want to join. (Those who do not write the letter are not inducted. Believe it or not, it happens.)
6. The induction ceremony into NJHS or NHS is a formal process. Parents and faculty are invited. Current members set up the tables and seating, provide the refreshments, and perform the ceremony--complete with lighting candles and speaking words about each characteristic standard of the Society. Inductees may choose a special someone, if desired, to pin them. Then there are pictures and a receiving line, of sorts. It is a proud occasion for families and students, alike!
The whole selection process happens the way it does to protect the sponsor, the school, and the teachers from accusations of prejudice from unhappy families if their child doesn't get picked for membership. (Most people don't have any idea how the selections are made.) The Sponsor has nothing to do with who gets in, nor does the Advisory Board (since they don't get to see the names of the students in the process). I did have one female student who had excellent grades but a negative attitude. She was scored lower on the rating scale by her teachers than many other students whose grades weren't as good as hers. As it happened, she didn't make the cut. Her parents challenged the results. Once I explained the selection process to them, they had no further recourse.
One year, I was teaching 10th grade English. One of the boys in my honors class came in bragging--or maybe complaining--that his custodial grandfather had taken away his car keys and newly-issued driver's license when he got in trouble with the police for driving erratically and bouncing pumpkins off of rural mailboxes with his buddies. I said, "Victor, that kind of behavior will jeopardize the possibility of getting into National Honor Society. Have you thought of that?" Oh...no.....he hadn't, he said with eyes wide. Eventually, Victor became un-grounded and got his keys and license back from Grandpa. Two weeks later, Victor was killed in a fiery car crash that killed another of his classmates and seriously injured yet another. It happened because of speed on a rain-slicked country road that happened to have a tree right at the edge of the pavement. Does the potential of getting into NHS provide the encouragement to protect one's behavior and reputation by behaving well? No, but it can...for forward-thinking youngsters who care. Victor cared. He just didn't make the connection, I guess.
Which brings me back to Robin. I think she makes the connection. I'm so very proud of her--not just because she works hard to be a good student. And not just because she is my granddaughter (although that is reason enough). But rather because she has overcome so many negative things in her life, with the help of her parents, to become the kind of kid that everyone would love to have. I don't know what the future will bring for her, but for right now, it's enough.
Congratulations, my little Robin bird! You are such a blessing!
Friday, April 22, 2016
The Whole Gender Bathroom Thing
I live on the northern edge of the Bible Belt in the U.S. Although Indiana isn't technically included in a map of those states that are considered above average in "religiosity", the state is controlled by Republicans whose leadership is hell-bent (pun intended) on forcing morality on its residents. That seems odd to me because we are a state of gun-toting, pick-up-truck-driving, beer-drinking rednecks whose whole mantra is based on the "shoot first and ask questions later" premise of law and order. They just want to be left alone in their own private little world of anarchy. I don't know how many Hoosiers actually go to church to follow what they claim to believe in, yet here is this state government telling them they can't buy alcohol on Sunday, can use Freedom of Religion as their constitutional right to discriminate against others, and now must treat the remains of a legal abortion or natural miscarriage as a life that has to be accounted for and cremated or buried. It just doesn't add up to me, yet there it is.
In my 28 years as a resident of the Hoosier State, I've witnessed many of these dichotomies, yet none seems as twisted and convoluted as the most recent teapot tempests that have arisen over gender rights. More specifically, homosexual/gender rights. It started with the whole same-sex marriage thing, and now has evolved into heated debates--even laws--about what bathrooms transgender people can/should use in public. (Thanks to Caitlyn Jenner for forcing this on us by being such a public figure.) Ugh!
I note, with interest, that many--if not most--men are secretly turned on by female-on-female porn. That's okay. That's sexy. Those same guys, however, recoil in horror at the thought of male-on-male. It's unnatural. It's nasty. It is going to be the cause of the damnation of all of American society. Why? Because the Bible says so? Since when does the Bible guide the lives of those who are already hooked on pornography? Pornography is okay as long as it only shows females? I don't get it.
I'm 69-years-old. I haven't lived a perfect life, but I have never deliberately put myself in the line of dangerous circumstances either. Oh...I'm sure there were times when I should have made better safety choices, but I was never afraid of being attacked and raped in any situation in which I found myself. So now I am stating, for the record, that in all of my life, I have never once been approached for a tryst by a sex-crazed lesbian--or ANY lesbian, for that matter. (I'm not sure if I should be grateful or insulted!) I have, however, been accosted by good-ol' hetero men who figured I was fair game. (One such was a tall, lanky, Abraham Lincoln-looking school principal who had hired me and was giving me a tour of the school when he showed me into a storeroom. He cornered me, turned to look me square in the face, and put his hand on my shoulder. I didn't know his intention but did understand that it wasn't good. I ducked out of the room...and that was that. Fortunately, he was transferred or fired or something before that school year started. I never had to teach under his direction.) But I digress. My point? If I had been approached by a lesbian, I would simply have declined her overtures since I'm not gay, and that would have been the end of it. I've never been afraid of an attack by a homosexual female, and never thought for a second that her lifestyle would rub off on me or make me feel tainted. I'm not sure I feel the same way about guys. Gay males aren't looking for women, so they are "safe". Straight guys? Danger on a lot of fronts.
I guess this is why I simply do not understand the homophobia that exists among men. If you aren't a gay man, why would you fear those who are? As former First Lady Nancy Reagan would teach, just say no! You don't even have to say "no thank you". The gay lifestyle isn't going to rub off on you. God isn't going to judge you because you got hit on by another male. Gay guys find other gay guys. I think it's pretty rare for a gay guy to hit on a hetero. They may be gay, but they aren't stupid!
So that brings me to the transgender thing. Although I try, I don't really understand people who choose to be the gender opposite the one they were assigned in utero. There are exceptions, of course, but it isn't up to me to make their decisions for them. I don't know the trials they go through in their minds. Public focus seems to be on guys who transition to gals--not so much the other way around, although there are plenty of instances of women who choose to be men. (It's creepy, when I think about it, that most female-to-male transgenders look decidedly male, while male-to-female trannies make, generally, pretty ugly women, with a warped sense of what is feminine behavior!) I hate the double standard and hypocrisy.
Right now, the big question on the public conscience, since the whole transgender thing has come to the fore with Caitlyn Jenner--once Bruce Jenner--is: what public restroom should transgender people use? I've been watching this argument in my almost-Bible-Belt state, and others. As insane as it sounds, the assumption seems to be that transgender people are sexual predators. Having a M-to-F tranny in the the ladies' restroom is an invitation for rape. Having a F-to M tranny in the men's restroom is an invitation for voyeurism and homosexual rape. Excuse me? My experience--and I do have a little knowledge about this--is that most transgender people have been through the proverbial mill in achieving the look and the lifestyle they think best fits them, and are just wanting to live their lives as real human beings. Only truly mentally unstable people would choose to do this to themselves for the devious purpose of getting access to opposite-gender public restrooms. Yes, there are mentally unstable people among transgender people, I'm sure. But there are MORE mentally unstable people who maintain the gender with which they are born...and go to the restrooms assigned to the gender with which they identify.
How many rapes, murders, and other crimes occur in public restrooms? There are some, of course. But the vast majority of rapes, murders, and other crimes occur in people's homes as well as public places, in full daylight and view. Why are we focusing on restrooms?
When I lived in Japan as a kid (1957-58), public restrooms were multi-gender. It freaked my mother out, but the Japanese just didn't have the kind of righteous indignation that we have about seeing a person of the opposite sex in a public restroom. Heck, we used to drive the roads and see people squatted over an outdoor binjo ditch, defecating in public. It was normal then. In the US, women's restrooms have stalls. No one is exposed in the women's room. Men's restrooms have urinals to make urinating quicker and more convenient, but they also have stalls for privacy to do the other thing. If men are so shy to have transgender people using their facilities, perhaps they should use the stalls. Maybe more stalls need to be put in. It's a simple enough fix.
Dr. Phil says that common sense just isn't that common anymore. I agree. This whole issue has nothing to do with morality. It has to do with fear of the unknown. The first part of the 21st Century in the US will become known as the Gender Years, just as the early 60s were rife with civil rights/racial issues. It will pass, but not without a lot of struggle. Truth be known, I'm tired of it.
If the United States is to exist intact--and considering the present political situation, I'm not sure that it will--all of this will resolve itself. I hope I live long enough to see it!
In my 28 years as a resident of the Hoosier State, I've witnessed many of these dichotomies, yet none seems as twisted and convoluted as the most recent teapot tempests that have arisen over gender rights. More specifically, homosexual/gender rights. It started with the whole same-sex marriage thing, and now has evolved into heated debates--even laws--about what bathrooms transgender people can/should use in public. (Thanks to Caitlyn Jenner for forcing this on us by being such a public figure.) Ugh!
I note, with interest, that many--if not most--men are secretly turned on by female-on-female porn. That's okay. That's sexy. Those same guys, however, recoil in horror at the thought of male-on-male. It's unnatural. It's nasty. It is going to be the cause of the damnation of all of American society. Why? Because the Bible says so? Since when does the Bible guide the lives of those who are already hooked on pornography? Pornography is okay as long as it only shows females? I don't get it.
I'm 69-years-old. I haven't lived a perfect life, but I have never deliberately put myself in the line of dangerous circumstances either. Oh...I'm sure there were times when I should have made better safety choices, but I was never afraid of being attacked and raped in any situation in which I found myself. So now I am stating, for the record, that in all of my life, I have never once been approached for a tryst by a sex-crazed lesbian--or ANY lesbian, for that matter. (I'm not sure if I should be grateful or insulted!) I have, however, been accosted by good-ol' hetero men who figured I was fair game. (One such was a tall, lanky, Abraham Lincoln-looking school principal who had hired me and was giving me a tour of the school when he showed me into a storeroom. He cornered me, turned to look me square in the face, and put his hand on my shoulder. I didn't know his intention but did understand that it wasn't good. I ducked out of the room...and that was that. Fortunately, he was transferred or fired or something before that school year started. I never had to teach under his direction.) But I digress. My point? If I had been approached by a lesbian, I would simply have declined her overtures since I'm not gay, and that would have been the end of it. I've never been afraid of an attack by a homosexual female, and never thought for a second that her lifestyle would rub off on me or make me feel tainted. I'm not sure I feel the same way about guys. Gay males aren't looking for women, so they are "safe". Straight guys? Danger on a lot of fronts.
I guess this is why I simply do not understand the homophobia that exists among men. If you aren't a gay man, why would you fear those who are? As former First Lady Nancy Reagan would teach, just say no! You don't even have to say "no thank you". The gay lifestyle isn't going to rub off on you. God isn't going to judge you because you got hit on by another male. Gay guys find other gay guys. I think it's pretty rare for a gay guy to hit on a hetero. They may be gay, but they aren't stupid!
So that brings me to the transgender thing. Although I try, I don't really understand people who choose to be the gender opposite the one they were assigned in utero. There are exceptions, of course, but it isn't up to me to make their decisions for them. I don't know the trials they go through in their minds. Public focus seems to be on guys who transition to gals--not so much the other way around, although there are plenty of instances of women who choose to be men. (It's creepy, when I think about it, that most female-to-male transgenders look decidedly male, while male-to-female trannies make, generally, pretty ugly women, with a warped sense of what is feminine behavior!) I hate the double standard and hypocrisy.
Right now, the big question on the public conscience, since the whole transgender thing has come to the fore with Caitlyn Jenner--once Bruce Jenner--is: what public restroom should transgender people use? I've been watching this argument in my almost-Bible-Belt state, and others. As insane as it sounds, the assumption seems to be that transgender people are sexual predators. Having a M-to-F tranny in the the ladies' restroom is an invitation for rape. Having a F-to M tranny in the men's restroom is an invitation for voyeurism and homosexual rape. Excuse me? My experience--and I do have a little knowledge about this--is that most transgender people have been through the proverbial mill in achieving the look and the lifestyle they think best fits them, and are just wanting to live their lives as real human beings. Only truly mentally unstable people would choose to do this to themselves for the devious purpose of getting access to opposite-gender public restrooms. Yes, there are mentally unstable people among transgender people, I'm sure. But there are MORE mentally unstable people who maintain the gender with which they are born...and go to the restrooms assigned to the gender with which they identify.
How many rapes, murders, and other crimes occur in public restrooms? There are some, of course. But the vast majority of rapes, murders, and other crimes occur in people's homes as well as public places, in full daylight and view. Why are we focusing on restrooms?
When I lived in Japan as a kid (1957-58), public restrooms were multi-gender. It freaked my mother out, but the Japanese just didn't have the kind of righteous indignation that we have about seeing a person of the opposite sex in a public restroom. Heck, we used to drive the roads and see people squatted over an outdoor binjo ditch, defecating in public. It was normal then. In the US, women's restrooms have stalls. No one is exposed in the women's room. Men's restrooms have urinals to make urinating quicker and more convenient, but they also have stalls for privacy to do the other thing. If men are so shy to have transgender people using their facilities, perhaps they should use the stalls. Maybe more stalls need to be put in. It's a simple enough fix.
Dr. Phil says that common sense just isn't that common anymore. I agree. This whole issue has nothing to do with morality. It has to do with fear of the unknown. The first part of the 21st Century in the US will become known as the Gender Years, just as the early 60s were rife with civil rights/racial issues. It will pass, but not without a lot of struggle. Truth be known, I'm tired of it.
If the United States is to exist intact--and considering the present political situation, I'm not sure that it will--all of this will resolve itself. I hope I live long enough to see it!
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Hunter
I have plenty of food in the house. At no point am I at risk for starving to death, and my weight shows it. Still, since I live alone, I sometimes get weary of my own cooking, yet I refuse to go out to eat by myself. Thus, I have occasion to go out in search of whatever treat the local fast food restaurants have to offer that sound satisfying at the moment.
Thursday of this week was one of those days. I settled on Subway. Just needed something to fill my belly that was different from what I had at home.
I went to the drive-thru. A young man took my tuna sandwich order. Do you want a cookie? No, thank you. Do you want chips or a drink? No...just a sandwich. Then I drove up to the window. I complained to the young man who was working the window, "It's COLD out here!" He grinned and said he was sorry. I jokingly said, "It's all your fault!" Then he gave me my sandwich, took my money, gave me my change, and told me to have a great day. Nothing at all remarkable there.
I drove home. Once inside, I took out the sandwich and ate it, leaving the wrappers on the counter. The next morning, I got busy in the kitchen and started to throw away the Subway wrappers when I noticed something solid still inside the bag. Hmmm...what?? It was a cookie. In my mind, I'm thinking that the silly kid at the drive-thru had made a mistake. I hadn't ordered a cookie, and looking at my receipt, I saw that I hadn't paid for a cookie, either. Then I saw a hand-written note on the cookie bag: "Surprise!" And there was a hand-drawn smiley face to go with it. You (and he) can't possibly understand how much that brightened the entire rest of my day!
Many years ago, I learned a lesson from one of my Salvation Army friends. (Thanks, Patrick!) One time, when we got extra-good service at a KFC in Remington, Indiana, he asked to talk to the clerk's supervisor. She looked stricken...until he told the manager, in glowing terms, that the employee was doing her job over the top. She glowed then. I'm sure it made her day. Since then, I have made it a point to alert the Powers That Be that some of their employees are doing things right. (I was a teacher long enough to know that complaints are many, but compliments are few.) I got on Subway's Facebook page and wrote out my commendation for whom my receipt names as Hunter. They responded, asking me to reiterate my story on another input site, which I did.
I know from previous experience that these complimentary reports do trickle down to the intended person. I'm sure that Hunter will not get a promotion or a raise because I don't think Subway offers those--but I don't know. I was a little hesitant to give my report just in case Hunter wasn't authorized to be giving away free cookies, but the truth is that his caring and generosity made me a Subway fan for life...and it's all his "fault"! At worst, maybe my positive input will make his day in the same way that he made mine.
I'm not easily impressed. Expected service doesn't deserve unexpected results...but when someone goes an extra mile, that's when I get impressed! Thank you, Hunter. You did your job, and then some!
Thursday of this week was one of those days. I settled on Subway. Just needed something to fill my belly that was different from what I had at home.
I went to the drive-thru. A young man took my tuna sandwich order. Do you want a cookie? No, thank you. Do you want chips or a drink? No...just a sandwich. Then I drove up to the window. I complained to the young man who was working the window, "It's COLD out here!" He grinned and said he was sorry. I jokingly said, "It's all your fault!" Then he gave me my sandwich, took my money, gave me my change, and told me to have a great day. Nothing at all remarkable there.
I drove home. Once inside, I took out the sandwich and ate it, leaving the wrappers on the counter. The next morning, I got busy in the kitchen and started to throw away the Subway wrappers when I noticed something solid still inside the bag. Hmmm...what?? It was a cookie. In my mind, I'm thinking that the silly kid at the drive-thru had made a mistake. I hadn't ordered a cookie, and looking at my receipt, I saw that I hadn't paid for a cookie, either. Then I saw a hand-written note on the cookie bag: "Surprise!" And there was a hand-drawn smiley face to go with it. You (and he) can't possibly understand how much that brightened the entire rest of my day!
Many years ago, I learned a lesson from one of my Salvation Army friends. (Thanks, Patrick!) One time, when we got extra-good service at a KFC in Remington, Indiana, he asked to talk to the clerk's supervisor. She looked stricken...until he told the manager, in glowing terms, that the employee was doing her job over the top. She glowed then. I'm sure it made her day. Since then, I have made it a point to alert the Powers That Be that some of their employees are doing things right. (I was a teacher long enough to know that complaints are many, but compliments are few.) I got on Subway's Facebook page and wrote out my commendation for whom my receipt names as Hunter. They responded, asking me to reiterate my story on another input site, which I did.
I know from previous experience that these complimentary reports do trickle down to the intended person. I'm sure that Hunter will not get a promotion or a raise because I don't think Subway offers those--but I don't know. I was a little hesitant to give my report just in case Hunter wasn't authorized to be giving away free cookies, but the truth is that his caring and generosity made me a Subway fan for life...and it's all his "fault"! At worst, maybe my positive input will make his day in the same way that he made mine.
I'm not easily impressed. Expected service doesn't deserve unexpected results...but when someone goes an extra mile, that's when I get impressed! Thank you, Hunter. You did your job, and then some!
Saturday, April 9, 2016
And From the Shipping Department...
Since my family moved to Washington State, I am slowly becoming knowledgeable about how to ship things. Items get left behind, or there are some things here that they want there. Or maybe it's gift time. Thus, the shipping begins.
Here is what I've learned:
1. If you can box your things yourself, USPS is about the cheapest. They supply small, medium, and large flat-rate boxes that you can stuff for a flat rate; but, be warned that their idea of small, medium, and large won't match yours. The large box is about the size of a VCR without much room for protective packaging, and the cost of shipping it is $18.75.
2. If you need boxing materials, you may choose between FedEx and UPS. I haven't compared the two yet, largely because there is a UPS store not far from my house, so I take my larger stuff to them. It's more expensive than USPS and no faster in delivery time, but you don't have to worry about the packing. The size of the box, weight, and distance to travel all figure into the cost.
3. Considering the cost of the shipping versus the worth of what is being shipped is a big deal. (It's the same as with storage units. I know people who have paid thousands of dollars for storage to keep things worth much, much less than that.) If you're going to ship something, make sure it's worth your expenditure! Spending $30 to ship something worth $15 makes no sense. Unless it's something unique or really sentimental, chances are the recipient can replace it cheaper than you can send it. Just mail them the money, instead!
4. Just because you shipped it doesn't mean it will arrive, or if it does arrive, will it actually get inside the receiver's home? I have a dear friend who sent a Christmas box to her family in the South. The shipment tracking said that it had been delivered, but the family never got it. Was it delivered to the wrong house? Did someone steal it from the porch? If the shipping company can prove that it was delivered to the right place, there is no recourse. Boxes being stolen from porches is becoming more and more common. Usually, I'm a nervous wreck about things that I've sent, bugging my family until I've heard that they actually got it. I hate that. It makes me look needy. Lord knows, I don't need that, but I simply can't breathe that sigh of relief until I know it got there.
Today, I sent off a shipment of "special" bedding for my granddaughter. I managed to scrape up two zippered plastic bags that used to hold comforters and the like, so I could squish a lot into a smaller space. (It would have been easier had there been someone else here to help me squish!) I got a body pillow, twin-size comforter, two regular pillows, a set of twin sheets plus an extra pillow case, and a soft little throw-blanket into those bags, then I lugged them to the UPS Store. The young man that helped me weighed it all, then measured and measured, and squished and measured again. He managed to cram it all into a box that was probably too small...and the box suffered for it...but at least the cost came to less than I was expecting, and less than the worth of what I was sending (if my family had to replace it). Success!
My shipping days are not over. More to come. But I'm getting better at it!
Here is what I've learned:
1. If you can box your things yourself, USPS is about the cheapest. They supply small, medium, and large flat-rate boxes that you can stuff for a flat rate; but, be warned that their idea of small, medium, and large won't match yours. The large box is about the size of a VCR without much room for protective packaging, and the cost of shipping it is $18.75.
2. If you need boxing materials, you may choose between FedEx and UPS. I haven't compared the two yet, largely because there is a UPS store not far from my house, so I take my larger stuff to them. It's more expensive than USPS and no faster in delivery time, but you don't have to worry about the packing. The size of the box, weight, and distance to travel all figure into the cost.
3. Considering the cost of the shipping versus the worth of what is being shipped is a big deal. (It's the same as with storage units. I know people who have paid thousands of dollars for storage to keep things worth much, much less than that.) If you're going to ship something, make sure it's worth your expenditure! Spending $30 to ship something worth $15 makes no sense. Unless it's something unique or really sentimental, chances are the recipient can replace it cheaper than you can send it. Just mail them the money, instead!
4. Just because you shipped it doesn't mean it will arrive, or if it does arrive, will it actually get inside the receiver's home? I have a dear friend who sent a Christmas box to her family in the South. The shipment tracking said that it had been delivered, but the family never got it. Was it delivered to the wrong house? Did someone steal it from the porch? If the shipping company can prove that it was delivered to the right place, there is no recourse. Boxes being stolen from porches is becoming more and more common. Usually, I'm a nervous wreck about things that I've sent, bugging my family until I've heard that they actually got it. I hate that. It makes me look needy. Lord knows, I don't need that, but I simply can't breathe that sigh of relief until I know it got there.
Today, I sent off a shipment of "special" bedding for my granddaughter. I managed to scrape up two zippered plastic bags that used to hold comforters and the like, so I could squish a lot into a smaller space. (It would have been easier had there been someone else here to help me squish!) I got a body pillow, twin-size comforter, two regular pillows, a set of twin sheets plus an extra pillow case, and a soft little throw-blanket into those bags, then I lugged them to the UPS Store. The young man that helped me weighed it all, then measured and measured, and squished and measured again. He managed to cram it all into a box that was probably too small...and the box suffered for it...but at least the cost came to less than I was expecting, and less than the worth of what I was sending (if my family had to replace it). Success!
My shipping days are not over. More to come. But I'm getting better at it!
Monday, April 4, 2016
"No News Is Good News"
See title--this was on of my mother's favorite sayings. How do you interpret it? It could have a couple of meanings:
1. Nothing in the news is good.
2. Hearing nothing by way of news indicates that everything is well.
Mom meant it as meaning #2--if you don't hear anything bad, that's good news. No one in the family died or is in the hospital or in trouble. Of course, that is proprietary to family--not the nation at large.
My experience, however, says otherwise. When people are happy, information (news) from them is free-flowing and bubbly. Even when times are tough, they keep on reaching out and doing the things that help them feel better. It's when the incoming info begins to slow or stop that I get suspicious. Why?
Go to a hospital and visit people in major pain. If they aren't too groggy from sedation, the absence of pain will allow them to be chatty and upbeat, but the minute the painkillers begin to wear off, they get quiet. Women in the throes of hard labor aren't likely to engage in minor chit-chat. People who are looking death in the face have no need or reason to be cheerful and engaging. 'Tis the same with people in emotional turmoil. How much to share with people who can't really help? In these cases, no news isn't necessarily good. It just means that circumstances are bleak. Loved ones are often blind-sided by post-traumatic situations because they weren't picking up on the quietness of the people they love.
If someone you love who normally contacts you on a regular basis gets suddenly quiet, you need to investigate. There might be nothing you can do to help, but at least you can know the truth...or whatever truth he/she wants you to know.
News is news, whether good or bad. It's going to come down, whatever the circumstances. And good luck!
1. Nothing in the news is good.
2. Hearing nothing by way of news indicates that everything is well.
Mom meant it as meaning #2--if you don't hear anything bad, that's good news. No one in the family died or is in the hospital or in trouble. Of course, that is proprietary to family--not the nation at large.
My experience, however, says otherwise. When people are happy, information (news) from them is free-flowing and bubbly. Even when times are tough, they keep on reaching out and doing the things that help them feel better. It's when the incoming info begins to slow or stop that I get suspicious. Why?
Go to a hospital and visit people in major pain. If they aren't too groggy from sedation, the absence of pain will allow them to be chatty and upbeat, but the minute the painkillers begin to wear off, they get quiet. Women in the throes of hard labor aren't likely to engage in minor chit-chat. People who are looking death in the face have no need or reason to be cheerful and engaging. 'Tis the same with people in emotional turmoil. How much to share with people who can't really help? In these cases, no news isn't necessarily good. It just means that circumstances are bleak. Loved ones are often blind-sided by post-traumatic situations because they weren't picking up on the quietness of the people they love.
If someone you love who normally contacts you on a regular basis gets suddenly quiet, you need to investigate. There might be nothing you can do to help, but at least you can know the truth...or whatever truth he/she wants you to know.
News is news, whether good or bad. It's going to come down, whatever the circumstances. And good luck!