I Thought That's What I Was Supposed to Do

How stupid can we humans be? We have one life with no second chances, yet we do stuff blindly, as if we didn't have better information. Maybe we don't. As a female offspring of my mother and grandmother before her, I have always done things as they did. That is, I have made my life's decisions based on the information I had at the time I was making them. That hasn't always been good.

I was reading love stories in one of my Reader's Digest issues last night. One story was about a woman and the first love of her life, separated by circumstance. She wrote that she had married someone else because "I thought that's what I was supposed to do". That line struck me like a lightning bolt. I can't tell you how many life decisions I have made for that very reason!

My mother--my greatest influence--used to tell me that nursing or teaching were "respectable" careers for women "in case something happens to your husband". We weren't of the same generation, obviously. I had other ideas. I wanted to be a translator for the United Nations because I did so well in French. I thought about being a doctor. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a cowgirl. Then there was the notion of going into music or theater. None of that panned out because...well, because it would all take a lot of effort and a lot of money. Bottom line was that I wanted to be a happy wife and mother, raising an incredible family in a quiet little suburb somewhere. And I never, ever thought of being too far away from my parents. Unthinkable!

When it came time to apply for college admissions, I was interested in a couple of places in Wisconsin, with the thought of being closer to the first love of my young life. My mother told me that it would be too expensive to go out of state, so I applied to (and was accepted by) only one: Illinois State University, where both of my parents were alums. Why? Because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. My major was speech and theater with a minor in English. I loved performing. Unfortunately, some classes turned me off. I wasn't creative enough to be counted with the rest of the students who were far more artsy-craftsy than I was. At the end of my sophomore year, I flipped my major and minor. (I am so very glad I did! English is a four-year requirement in every secondary school in the country, but very few schools actually have a theater department. Job security!) But what does one do with an English major? Teach! In short order, I was in the education track to become a teacher. Why? Because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. Both of my parents were teachers, as was my grandmother. It was respectable.

I had been in love with a young man from Wisconsin since the summer before my 8th grade year. We had carried on an innocent long-distance romance for years. I dated in high school but never had a serious relationship because no one in my whole huge school could measure up to the love I had for Jim. I didn't just love him; I also loved his entire family. We had similar family roots. He was good looking and fun, and his family was just what I needed. We spent Christmas vacations and summer vacations with me up there or with him and his sister in Illinois. But he was in college in Wisconsin and I was in college in Illinois. He had a goal in life, and passions. I was just a blob. I was holding out for Jim. I saw him only a couple of times in our college careers. To me, it just didn't seem to be working out for us to be together, so I succumbed to a marriage proposal from a jerk of a guy who was so controlling, I couldn't possibly have married him. I mean, everyone else was getting engaged and planning their futures. It was what I thought I was supposed to do. My love was many miles away. (We didn't have the Internet in those days. Oh, how I wish we had!) I broke up with Jim via snail mail. I think he was injured. (I didn't have a clue.)

I didn't marry that guy. (My mother helped me out on that. When I went home for the summer, full of regrets, she said, "What do you want to do?" I said I wanted to break up with the fellow, but I was caught up in his controlling behaviors. Her comment, so wise, was "If you know what you want to do, you know what you have to do.") I broke up with him from home, then had to endure a week or two of manipulations when we returned to college again... This was the ONLY time that "I thought that's what I was supposed to do" actually worked for me!

Since I had burned bridges with my Wisconsin love, I moved on. I married a man who had mental problems (unbeknownst to me). We were divorced a few years later. Then I remarried. This time, I had invested a whole lot into the relationship in spite of obvious signs that it wouldn't work. We had been through a lot together, and I thought I was supposed to stand by him. Good Lord, how long does this go on!

I have made so many decisions about my life, my marriages, my daughter and grandchildren, based on inaccurate information, that it scares me...but I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I am of a transitional generation of women.

The people who have left me behind have gone on to what seems like happy lives in paradise. I just hold on to all I know. Here I am, alone, in my little house, surviving as best I know how. It seems like what I am supposed to do!

Signs of Spring

I'm home from my 2-week visit at my daughter's in northern Illinois. We had had 6 inches of heavy wet snow up there the other day, but guess what? Not a single flake of snow in Indiana! I made it back in 3 1/2 hours again. Having the IPASS transponder in the car to breeze by the toll booths makes a huge difference in safety and time. It wasn't the most expensive Christmas gift I got, but it sure is the most convenient!

It was mostly sunny and in the mid-50s here today. I could see sandhill cranes migrating northward overhead and can hear robins in the neighborhood. Some of my Facebook friends have posted pictures of flowers in bloom. We haven't had much of a winter, for which I am grateful. I enjoyed looking at the beautiful snow in Illinois but that was all I needed! Now, we are entering thunderstorm/tornado season. I'll take it over snow, any day!

Had a visit from my next door neighbor this afternoon. This is the mother of the boy that is my grandson's "best friend in the whole world" Jack. She saw that I was home and came over to tell me that her father, Jack's grandpa who drove the red truck, was killed this weekend in a highway wreck south of here. This poor family! Jack's father is incarcerated. His mother struggles to support him and his sister (and herself), and the grandmother (wife of the man who was just killed) is at their house every day doing the before-or-after-school babysitting while Mom works. I just feel so bad for all of them...

My former stepson's major cancer surgery is scheduled for Friday. Prayers, please. Eric needs a miracle!

Let's See...

What did I do today? Not much. Meg and Denis had a Weight Watcher's meeting to attend after work, so dinner was delayed a bit. I did fix that. Also spent some time putting some baking dishes away, which meant getting out the step-stool and organizing the cabinets. (That's what happens when a kitchen doesn't have enough storage room.) I actually felt pretty good about that because these same dishes/containers have been taking up space on the counter ever since I've been here this trip.

Yesterday, I was doing a little shopping at the local Jewel/Osco store when my cell phone rang. It was one of my radio friends from Indy. He was out running around with another of my radio friends. He asked what I was doing. I said I was in the middle of Jewel in Grayslake, Illinois. Apparently he didn't catch that part because a few minutes later, he asked if I wanted to come out and play. I said, "I'm 200 miles away!" Oh...well, in that case...never mind!

Yesterday was Mardi Gras. Megan mentioned online from work that we should have a little "king cake" in celebration. (Those are the Mardi Gras cakes that have a bean or a plastic baby Jesus baked inside, and the person who gets that in their piece is the king/queen for the day.) I took a short trip to Jewel's bakery department to see if, perchance, they had any king cakes. They didn't. I did find, however, a very small 4-or-5-inch-square layered cake that looked scrumptious, then bought some sugar-free jelly beans so I could hide one inside. Our Mardi Gras dinner consisted of three pork chops and two chicken breasts baked with Shake 'n Bake, mashed potatoes, lettuce salad, and our version of king cake. It hit the spot, but the "piece de resistance" was that luscious cake. It was really, really decadent and good! Meg got the bean. (Probably rigged! She cut the cake!)

The resident cat--named "Toffee" but usually called "Ko-shka" (which is "cat" in Russian) has decided I'm okay. She still won't sleep with me downstairs because she is scared of the noise the space heater makes down there, but at least she doesn't run from me anymore. This morning, she was being a pain, just looking for things to get into at every turn. I had to move things out of her way--just like having a toddler in the house!!

Have decided that I will stay here in Grayslake through the weekend, just so I can help out with the grandchildren, but then I really must go home!

I'm So Mad at Me!

Let's start with the cutesy stuff first so I can calm my BP down before I write about the stuff that has me going... (No paragraphing going on now, so I will start new paragraphs with **. Probably need to reboot, but I'm not going to do that in the middle of a post.) **Okay...so my grandchildren came yesterday afternoon (to their mother's, where I am now) so I could watch them for their President's Day off. All they did was play World of Warcraft on laptop computers, so it was no problem at all to babysit--except there was this one incident... Robin and Ryan were sitting next to each other, each on his/her own computer. Ryan did something annoying, so Robin slapped him on the face, and he hit back. There were no tears, so I don't think anyone was desperately hurt, but I did ask Robin why she slapped her brother. "I didn't slap him. I hit him." Grandma asked, "What's the difference between slapping and hitting?" Her response? "I don't know, but there just is!" Point made. **I turned on my cell phone today because I was going grocery shopping. (It should be obvious by that statement that I almost never have the cell phone on. It is purely a travel device for me.) I noticed that I had three voice messages. Two of them were from my bank. I figured they were checking up on some charges that I've made while visiting here because I am out of my home area, and I didn't tell them... They asked if I had authorized certain charges. The very first one the gal asked about was for $12 for "Complete Savings". Uh...no. All the rest were legit. I told her that I wanted to do some research to get to the bottom of it and that I would call her back. **I immediately logged onto my online account info and saw that the debit had a phone number attached to it. I called the number and determined that the Complete Savings thing came from the Just Flowers website where I had ordered flowers for Megan maybe two years ago. It had a box that asked if I wanted a $10 discount. "Click here." I guess I did, and that somehow authorized them to automatically deduct $12 a month from my bank account! I'm usually pretty careful about that stuff. I would never have knowingly given permission for someone to take money out of my account unless it was for a bill that is fairly constant. (For instance, my water bill and my phone bill come out automatically because they are usually within just a few dollars of a certain amount every month.) **Megan got to looking on my online bank account info. She could only get the history of the account to go back to October, but sure enough, the Complete Savings deduction has come out every month. I'm thinking that it has been coming out for a couple of years, AND I NEVER CAUGHT IT!!!! Yes, I saw stuff from Complete Savings, but not the debits...and/or I was confused about what it was. Ridiculous! I got the deduction cancelled and will be refunded the money for this month. Will have to follow up with my bank to see if any of the back stuff can be retrieved, but I'm guessing not. That's what I get for not paying close enough attention! Ran into another little detail about my debit card that I'll have to take care of in short order. (Bank is issuing new ones that need to be activated, but I ignored the memo, I guess!) Lesson learned. Ya know, $12 isn't going to kill me, but $12 a month for NOTHING over a long time really adds up! **Megan did my taxes online yesterday, and I will be getting a chunk back in refund. It seems that I don't make enough SS to pay income taxes on it, even though I have it automatically deducted from my benefit. Forced savings! Actually, it's a wonder I survive on what little money I do bring in. I certainly am not starving... **And speaking of starving, Reader's Digest indicates that my heart medicine creates weight gain because it slows down the metabolism. (Did I mention this before? I'm getting so senile, I forget!) Like I needed help in the weight gain department? Anyway, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. **I'm still in northern IL for a few more days. I just keep on pluggin'.

I'm Sorry...

I was as much a fan of Whitney Houston as the average person, but her untimely death does not warrant lowering the American flag or stopping media coverage of everything else. She made some bad choices in life. We all have. She died. We all will. She holds no more special place in Heaven than the rest of us. Death is the great leveler. Now, let's let her rest in peace!

Speaking of resting in peace, I thought Megan's cat was actually going to join me in bed last night. But nooo... She came down a couple of times to visit but always left again. At issue is the fact that Meg and Denis won't let her sleep with them. If you've ever known a cat intimately, you understand that closed doors are challenges to them...especially when the ones they love are on the other side of it. The resident cat probably spends her nights trying to figure out how to get in the forbidden room.

My grandchildren will come here tomorrow evening to spend the night and the next day (their President's Day holiday) with me while M and D work. I don't have the least fear about keeping them occupied. Laptop computers supply that!

Watching a show about Yellowstone National Park. We were just there this summer. Interesting stuff! I've been to Yellowstone two other times in my life, but there is always something else to learn. Love it!

Not sure exactly what day I will return to Plainfield. Gotta get my taxes done first and try to figure out the whole Medicare thing. Whatever!

Slow Lane?

I know the title of my blog is "Life in the Slow Lane", but I must tell you that I made it to my daughter's (where I am now), about 30 miles north of Chicago, on Saturday, in 3 1/2 hours! I'm sure that's not an all-time record, but considering that it takes 2 1/2 hours just to get to Merrillville, IN, I don't think that's too bad! The roads were clear and dry; traffic was light; there was no congestion or slow-downs anywhere; I didn't have to make any pit stops; and I have an IPASS device in my vehicle that lets me motor on through the toll stops on the Tri-State Tollway. (They call it Open Road Tolling.) Anyway, I got here at least an hour before anyone expected me. Yay!

My grandchildren were here when I arrived. Or at least, their bodies were. They had their noses in dual laptop computers playing World of Warcraft, sitting right next to each other without fussing. (They can only do this at Mommy and Denis's house because the laptops belong to Mommy and Denis.) Basically, they came up for air long enough to eat and (eventually) go to bed.

Sunday was our Valentine's Day with the children. We started off the morning with heart-shaped, pink pancakes that Megan made special. Both children got V-Day cards with a little cash in them, and a heart-shaped box of chocolates each. Robin got cute little heart-shaped pink crystal ear studs, and Ryan got a big Ripley's Believe It or Not book, just chock-full of weird things to look at (right up his alley). A little later in the day, Megan and Robin made homemade chocolate-covered strawberries. Yummy! As we were taking the children back home in the early evening, we stopped to pick up Robin's new glasses, which are already defective and have to go back.

Megan and Denis have a new baby--a young cat that they adopted from a shelter. She's probably five months old or so, and spent most of her young life in a cage. She had to be "fostered" for awhile because she was afraid of everything, until Meg and Den brought her home. Now, she's just afraid of me--Big Bad Grandma! She'll play with me, and she'll even come and sit with me if I curl up with Megan's blanket...but the rest of the time, if I even so much as move, she runs. We had made pretty good progress in the cat-human relationship department until yesterday. She was walking on the edge of the kitchen sink. I went to move something out of her way. That spooked her, so she jumped up into the wall cutout between the kitchen and the living room. That sent everything from there clattering down into the sink, including her, which spooked her even more. She leaped to get down, and my effort to catch her backfired. She did a flip in the air and landed on the floor on her side. She got up and gave me THAT look--like "See what you made me do?" and ran off. The rest of the day, she wouldn't have anything to do with me. Back to Square One.

In my absence from home, some not so cool things have happened. The father of one of my dear friends died. He had just been put under hospice care due to cancer...given maybe two or three months to live. He made it maybe a week. That was sad.

Then, too, my former stepson is battling serious cancer. He met with his doctors this week. The word is that they will do surgery to remove his gall bladder, bile duct(s), and half of his liver, but they haven't been able to reduce the toxins in his blood stream enough yet to do that, in spite of a couple of stents designed to drain the nasty stuff off. Please put Eric on your prayer list. He is way too young to have to deal with this!

One bit of GOOD news from home, however, comes from a young couple (both former students of mine who live in Plainfield). Their 2-year-old little girl was diagnosed with cancer of the kidney (Wilm's tumor) and had a kidney removed last week, with chemotherapy and radiation to start soon. After the surgery, the doctors and pathologists back-tracked a little, and sent tissue to Chicago to be further tested. It turned out that the tumor was PRE-cancerous and that the child is now free of cancer and will NOT have to go through all of the rest of the rigamarole. I just had a good feeling about that one!

When I'm visiting in the Northland (Grayslake, IL), I try to keep busy by helping out however I can. I usually don't clean, but I do help organize. I'm not asked to do anything, but I don't like just being a lump when everyone is at work, ya know? Most of the time, I do fix the supper meal and clean up the dishes afterward. I also try to keep up with the laundry so that we all can enjoy the weekends without having to worry about those mundane little things. The last time I was here, I tried to organize the food cupboard. Big mistake! The cupboard is deep and stuff gets buried. The bottom shelves are too low, and the top shelves are too high. Now, I usually just ask Megan if she has this or that. It's easier than trying to dig through everything!

Right now, I am watching the cat run all around the living room being a cat. If I try to pet her, she'll poof. Stupid cat! Which reminds me of a story. My former mother and father-in-law, Helen and Artie, lived in a nice place with a big patio, years ago. There was a cat that kept coming around, so they put food out for it. Helen was kind of a prickly person, God love her, but she was offended that everyone seemed to be able to pet that cat but her. It wouldn't come close enough for her to pet. One day, we all watched through the patio glass to observe her go out to try to make friends with the cat. Sure enough, as she reached for it, it turned and started to walk away--at which point, Helen reached out and grabbed the cat by the tail and yanked it back to her. Of course, that was the end of that! Artie mumbled under his breath, "Well, there's your problem, dumbass." We all laughed. Thankfully, Helen didn't hear him through the glass. It was just such a Helen thing to do. Pity the poor cat!

Enough for tonight!

Deadlines. I Need Deadlines.

I am on this blogspot site quite by accident. I've had horrible Internet connection problems over the past week. AT&T was here yesterday, and things were better for awhile, but for most of today, I haven't been able to connect. Want to take bets if this gets published or not??

Going to Chicago on Saturday. I've been waiting for some stuff to come through in the mail, which hasn't happened...so tonight, I just decided to head out and hope for the best. Having Saturday as a deadline gives me something to shoot for. Suddenly, I am inspired!

Tomorrow, I will drive to my bank and order new checks, get the oil changed in my car, pay a couple of bills, clean, and pack. That will work, right?? Please pray for my aging car. Every time I start out on a trip like this, I wonder if the buggy will make it. Hope so!

I will have Internet connections at my daughter's. I can still be in touch!

Love you all...