It has been awhile since I last posted here, but so many things have happened. We settled on Friday, January 13th, for my brother's funeral services, so there were things to take care of--words to write, motel rooms to be reserved, arrangements to be made for the care of Frodo (my dog), etc.
Meg and Nathan and the children came to Plainfield on Wednesday evening (Nathan's birthday) and spent the night for departure for Illinois the next day. We decided that we should all ride together in order to save the gas expense for a second car. Poor Meg rode in the back between the two baby seats, so she really had the worst of it for the 4-hour trip. The children really are pretty good car riders, though, so there wasn't much fussing. On the way to Streator, we stopped in Pontiac to drive around old haunts. I was somewhat surprised to see that the town hasn't changed much since we left in 1988!
After checking into the Town and Country Motel, where we had a 2-room suite with adjoining door, we went to supper at the restaurant, and later took the children swimming in the pool. That was some consolation for making them ride all that way, and they seemed to enjoy it. Thereafter, it was time to get everyone quieted down and settled for bedtime. That proved to be a bit of a tussle! The Religious Education Director at Meg and Nate's church had sent a book to read to the children to help explain death: The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, by Judith Viorst. What was to be a quiet story just didn't work out that way. The children were fussing with each other, so the moment was somewhat lost (except in my subconscious mind). Getting Robin--who was my roommate--to sleep was a challenge! After a number of threats, she finally caved in at 1:30 AM, our time--the same as the night before at my house. Ugh!
Friday morning, I got up to somewhat heavy rain which soon turned to heavy snow. There were huge, wet flakes and wind, and it just didn't let up. Before checking out of the motel, I took some private time to rewrite my notes for the funeral service, and ended up using the cue from the book of the night before to write The Ten Good Things About Douglas. Then we ventured out to find umbrellas for the cemetery, and a stocking cap for Nathan. We stopped at the funeral home so I could tell the Director that we were there,but since we had 1 1/2 hours to wait, we decided to take the children to a Burger King Playplace, just to keep them busy.
When we returned to the funeral home, most everyone was there--no thanks to the road conditions. Finally, Doug's daughter and her family came in, so we were able to begin the service. Shari read something that Doug had written years ago. I read what I had written. The American Legion performed their rites--flag folding, 21-gun salute, and Taps (accompanied by the sobs of everyone in the room), and Lisa (Doug's daughter) received his flag, as we all wanted. Then it was time to go to Moon Point Cemetery. In the snow mixed with rain, I said the words, and Shari spread Doug's ashes. And then it was over. (Megan, Nathan, and I later returned to the cemetery before leaving town to have a drinkie with Dad and Doug--something that Doug's friend Carol said he always did when he visited the cemetery. We wanted to carry on the tradition.)
After the service, we adjourned to the American Legion for a luncheon in order to share some fellowship before returning to our homes--all of which were at a distance. Some of us shared Doug-stories, and we got to visit with Lisa, her husband Corey, and her 9-year-old daughter Lydia. That was really nice, in spite of everyone's sorrow over the occasion.
There is a special pain in laying to rest a baby brother. Burying our grandparents was difficult. Burying our parents was worse. But giving up the youngest of the family, taken from us too soon, was very, very tough. I don't think I have come to grips with it all. One moment, I am fine; the next, I am sobbing for the curly-haired little boy that I will never see again in this life. In spite of our estrangement, I always believed that there would be a reconciliation before we passed on. I carry with me, now, the hope that "the former things have passed away," and that we are all forgiven our transgressions, by each other, to each other.
Tomorrow, I return to school. It's time...
2 comments:
Dear sister, as my only remaining birth family, and younger than I, you must not, and I repeat, must not leave me! I am the oldest, I should rightfully be the first to depart this life! As you pointed out, it was difficult to lose our grandparents, worse to lose our parents, but the sudden passing of our baby brother has hurt so badly, and I agree with you that I too mourn for what might have been in the future. I too remember the curly headed little guy, the "afterthought", my baby! Because I was 12 years older, I was out of the nest and married when he was 7. He and Roger were never the best of buds, but I knew early on that was due somewhat to the jealousy and competetiveness between the two of them...
So, we are left to mourn, but I also believe in a life lost for a life found. This happened when Mom passed away and Christopher had just been born. This time we gained the niece we knew we had but never thought we'd meet, and so we continue this life, the two of us. I love you.
So now I must wipe my eyes again!
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