Mind Tricks

I don't know why weekends and mornings are so bad for me. Yesterday (Sunday) I was waiting for my family to get up...then realized that my family isn't here. It reminded me of the times, so long ago, that I would be walking down the aisles of a grocery store looking for things and thinking, "I need to call Dad for that recipe"...then realizing that Dad was gone. Or the times that the phone would ring and I would pick up, expecting to hear my mother on the other end...only to hear a dial-tone. My mother had passed on a few weeks before.

Life isn't reality. Life is perception of reality. When the perception is wrong, it hurts.

This holiday season isn't going to be great. I will go to my sister's for the Thanksgiving holiday. Christmas, however, is still up for grabs. This will be the first Christmas in thirty years that I will not be with my daughter...the focus of most of my adult life. She is moving to California with her boyfriend. Selfishly, I wonder what is to become of me without her. Guess I'll have to figure it out soon, won't I?

Went to lunch today with friend Bill and his cousin. Skipped rehab because I needed a nap. I'm not sleeping at night. Ironic, isn't it, that when I was a working lady, I used to dream about the ability to sleep in...and now that I am retired and COULD sleep in, I am awake from 2:30 AM on? Life isn't fair!

Thank you to all who read this and care about me. I am still in a reclusive mood. I resent those who tell me what to do to feel better. They care, but they don't get it. I am working on this the absolute best I can. I will never, ever, be the same...but I'm not dead yet.