Shania Twain

I'm not a country music fan, but I've always kind of liked Shania Twain, especially after I learned of her humble beginnings and how she put her life on hold after her parents were killed in an automobile wreck, just so she could finish raising her siblings. So today, when Oprah had Ms. Twain on her show, I watched. It seems that she was plugging her new book. (Don't they all?) It seems that the focus of her book was the turmoil she endured when her husband of 14 years was unfaithful with her best friend...

Hell, I should have written a book! I can attest to a lot of what she was describing. Except who would read it? Shania Twain is young and beautiful and famous. I am not. Still, some of our feelings were similar. Maybe someone could learn from that? Nawww....probably not. It seems that people (being mere mortals) can only learn things the hard way. They only seek comfort when they are hurting rather than seek to prevent the things that hurt.

When Shania found out about her husband's infidelity, she said she wanted details because the human brain tends to run wild, filling in the blanks with all kinds of imaginings. I wanted details, too. I didn't want the gory personal details about my ex's intimate relationship with his secretary. What I wanted were the where's and why's and when's...just to determine the TRUTH. I was doing a personal inventory. I wanted to find out how much of my thirteen-year marriage was based on the real and factual, and how much I had fabricated because my mind needed to keep things in denial. I had made many, many of my life's decisions based on what I THOUGHT was the truth. I didn't want to make future decisions based on lies...

Shania didn't get the details...and neither did I. So, I did my homework. I found out enough to know , way "beyond a reasonable doubt," that his affair was taking place and that there was no end to the length he would go to carry out his deceit. I got sneaky about getting the information I needed. He didn't like that. There were times when it actually became amusing because I caught him in so many lies. Once, he had the guts to say, "I don't know who is worse--you or me." My response was, "You win, hands down!" The moment of clarity came to me one evening, months into the whole mess, when he handed me an index card with four things listed on it that I needed to do in order to get him back. In that second, I realized that he still thought he was in control...and that too much damage had been done for me to even care if I "got him back" or not. I chuckled and handed him back the card...and that was the end for me. Lots of other interesting things happened until Megan and I actually moved out of the house in Cloverdale, but that was the instant I understood what "the rest of the story" would be.

I think my ex thought, over time, that all of the hurts would just fade away and we could be "friends". How could they fade? We never once had an honest conversation about it all. The only forgiveness I could afford was in the acknowledgment that he was/is not capable of honesty. In a sense, I feel sorry for him. I've moved on. So has Shania Twain. (So "twisted"--her word--that she married the husband of the best friend who had the affair with her spouse!)

My ex basically turned his back on everything I had always considered sacred. Two other important people in my life have done that to me over the years. One is now dead, with no resolution. The other, I still love and hope and pray for. I'm not totally sorry for the way things are. I believe we do the best we can in life with the information we have at the moment. I've always tried to live with no regrets. Some things can't be helped...

Shania Twain has, hopefully temporarily, lost her voice. (So have I. Singing used to be my passion. I can no longer bleat out anything much higher than middle C!) Still, she has a life...and so do I. My only desire, at this point, is that I'd have more of a life that I wouldn't have to be watching Opray for blog fodder!