The Art of Taking Pills

Now you know that I have officially stepped into old age when this becomes a topic for writing!

BHA (Before Heart Attack), I was a normal human being who only went to the doctor when I had a problem and took no medications. I had "borderline" high blood pressure, but I wasn't advised to do anything but watch it. AHA (After Heart Attack), I became a Pill-Poppin' Mama. Let's see...there is the blood pressure medication, the pill to slow the heart down, the pill to thin the blood so it won't clot around the stent in my artery, the aspirin to do what? (I'm not sure), and the horse pill to work on my liver to reduce my cholesterol and blood fats. That's five pills a day. Oh...there are also the nitroglycerine tablets, just for emergencies. (I've never had to use them, thank God.)

AHA, I was often advised by nurses and doctors and cardiac rehab facilitators to be sure to take my medicines. Huh? Why spend the money on them but not take them? I guess many people don't, which is the reason for the admonitions. I do. In fact, if something happens that I begin the run out, I have to get creative about obtaining more. (That's another whole post. My insurance company now supports mail order 'scripts, which doesn't help if one is far from home and out of meds!)

Anyway, I bought a medicine dispenser thingie a few years ago--something that helps keep track of the days. Why? I used to laugh at those, but I understand now why they are needed. Did I take my pills today? Yes...er...or was that yesterday? I'm not sure? Look at the dispenser. It will show! The mail order prescription bottles are all identical. Sometimes the pills look alike. Filling the dispenser has to be systematic in order not to make mistakes.

Here's my system:
1. Open the dispenser ports. Count out the pills and say the numbers out loud as they are filled.
2. Check the name of the medicine on the bottle.
3. As each pill is placed, put the bottle in a different spot so it won't be grabbed in error again.
4. Shut the dispenser ports.
5. Each day, make sure all of the pills come out of the dispenser into my hand. (Count them in my hand.)
6. Make sure that all of the pills in my hand make it into my mouth. (Had one stick in between my fingers one time and almost didn't get it.)
7. Swallow enough water to make the pills go down easily. (I do them all at once.)

Yesterday, the inevitable happened. As I was popping the pills into my mouth, one dropped from my hand and fell to the floor. I couldn't immediately find it. I didn't know which pill it was! So--you guessed it--I had to spit them all out just to see what was missing and replace it, then swallow them all. The pills had already been exposed to my saliva--and we all know what happens to wet pills. They taste awful going down! I eventually found the errant pill. The "5-second rule" doesn't apply when it comes to meds. I put the bugger back in the dispenser to take another day. Hey...I'm not proud! Those little babies are too expensive to pitch just because they've hit my dirty floor!

As my mother always said, it's hell to get old!