Crying

Well...here it is, Thursday. After church on Sunday, I decided I would write in this blog about what makes people cry because I don't seem to be able to make it through church services without weeping...but I really don't understand the response, so I haven't written about it.

I'm sure there have been studies done about it. After all, there have been studies done about EVERYTHING. For what it's worth, I used to say, "I am not a crier." And I wasn't....until my grandchildren came along. Thereafter, I saw the world through their young-and-non-understanding eyes. Each time I headed up to visit them when they lived in Muncie, I would get little Robin's directive to bring "fruit...and candy". Had I NOT done that, I would have been a total traitor. Fruit and candy were Grandma's markers. My daughter's grandmother always had fresh peanut butter fudge in a tin in the pantry when we came to visit. The first thing Megan did when we walked in the door was look for it. It was always there. To let the grandchildren down was just not in my genes...but when they were moved away from me, I had no choice. Cry? I wept constantly for two years! Still do...

I have finally stopped being embarrassed about crying in church. Last Sunday, the pianist played "Be Still My Soul" as the congregation was taking Communion. Of course, I wept. Why?? I don't know! It is such a comforting hymn...one of my favorites. I'm thinking there is something about that hymn that tells me I am not worthy of the comfort. I don't get it. Sometimes, just hearing the first few bars of a hymn that was loved by my grandparents will take me to another place. Instead of crying, why can't I simply rejoice? I think it's my age...and a sense of loss. When we get old, a lot of memories represent things that are past and never to be had again. Maybe that's it!

Change of subject: I am still working on de-cluttering the house. My bedroom is finally done. That led me to the garage/bedroom storage closet. I tore into it three days ago. Couldn't get in it, due to things being in the way. It isn't done yet, but I have made a dent. Have found places to stash treasures from the rest of the house. The two biggest obstacles to finishing it are the boxes of unopened mail and the zillions of wire hangers. Help!!

I'm trying to talk myself out of having a Superbowl party. I'm not sure that the house will be ready by then, but I would enjoy the company of my SB friends from three years ago. I'll keep working and see where it gets me. During this whole process, I don't leave the house, fix myself up enough for human consumption, or pretend that I can be anything other than what I am. I'm working! Don't want to lose my momentum!

Back to the grind...