You probably know the feeling of coveting thy neighbor's things. (That's biblical talk for envying what other people have, in case I'm being too hoity-toity here.) And you may have thought to yourself, "If I just had that, I could die happy. It would be the 'lap of luxury.' " I've been there, but life happened before I could get stupid about it. I became a realist, understanding that what I wanted and what I was going to have were two different things. I learned to be (somewhat) happy with what I had, depending on how hard I'd had to work for it. For instance, when my spouse and I divorced, I had to buy everyday dishes. I bought some Corell dishes that I liked. They were reasonable and fashionable then. I can't really stand them now, 21 years later, but there isn't a single chip or crack in any of them, so I can't see throwing them out in favor of buying new. If I had an unlimited income, I could justify it. Still, that would seem wasteful to me...and I guess I am yet a product of my parents' generation that deemed it sinful to waste anything.
Today, I was thinking about all of the things that I once considered luxurious, and why.
1. When I was a young child, my sister was a pretty teenager of dating age. Mom made Shari take me with her on some of her dating excursions, and I'm sure I became a pain in her side. (It's hard to be romantic with a beau if your little sister is in tow!) One place I could not go with her were to dances. She looked so dreamy in her dresses, and I wanted to look just like her. One dress that I can remember was a black taffeta A-line dress with embroidered polka-dots. I made my mother save that dress after Shari moved on, in hopes that I could wear it someday and look like Shari. Unfortunately, my sister and I weren't built the same. I never could wear that dress when I was old enough to do so and have it look the same as I remembered on Shari. I did, however, wear a strapless white floofy hand-me-down formal that had been saved...but, again, I just didn't do it justice. (I have pictures. No magic there!)
2. In my first marriage, my hubby and I bought a townhome in the south suburbs of Chicago, in a subdivision that was just being developed. The main feature, as far as I was concerned, was a built-in fireplace option. I had never lived in a home with a working fireplace. I considered fireplaces to be so very romantic, and I desperately wanted one. My husband didn't. It added $1,200 to the price of the home (this was in the 70s), but factored out over the life of the loan, would have cost much more. I acquiesced. It's just as well. The marriage didn't last, but the electric space-heater fireplace that we purchased to appease me has been in every one of my homes ever since.
3. All of my adult life, in every home that had a big window that needed treatment, I wanted custom-made draperies. Both of my former mothers-in-law had them, and I considered them luxurious. Ready-made drapes were a whole lot cheaper, but they never hung right. (I didn't understand back then that it as the way they were hung that made the difference!) I never, ever got my custom-made drapes...until Megan and I moved into my little house-on-a-slab here in Plainfield. The bay window in the living room came equipped with beautiful custom-made draperies! I thought I had died and gone to Heaven...until, over time, the drapes began to show dirt where our two cats pushed between them to avail themselves of the view from the window. In time, I had to decide if I wanted to spend the mega-bucks to have them dry cleaned...or just chuck them. (There was no option to simply wash them.) Thus, the expensive draperies eventually went bye-bye. It was hard for me to accept, but losing them opened up the room. I don't have the hundreds of dollars to replace them. So much for that!
4. This is going to seem really stupid. When I was growing up, I had two homes. My main home was with my parents, wherever we were with the Navy. My other home was my grandparents' farm in central Illinois...a home that rose out of the ashes of a fire that destroyed the homestead house. The silverware drawer in both homes had a collection of utensils that didn't match--things that had been donated after the fire--things that had been picked up along the way. You name it. I took it upon myself in my early years to be the table-setter. I wanted things to look pretty. I wanted silverware to match. It didn't, to my satisfaction. I thought it was the lap of luxury to be able to reach into the silverware drawer and be able to pull out a whole table-full of matching utensils. To this day, I can't have anything in my silverware drawer that doesn't match the rest of the utensils!
5. Swimming pools. I always believed that having a swimming pool on the property was the lap of luxury...but I've know enough people who have them to understand that they are a lot of work and take more dedication and funds than I have. Heck, I couldn't even maintain the stupid little birdbath-sized fountain in my yard. What would I have done with a pool...expecially since I am all alone here????
6. Money, money, money! I had money once...but I gave it all away. I didn't spend it on me. I spent it on the people that I love. And MOST of the things I bought with that money no longer exist. Still, I keep thinking how much easier life would be if I could go to the doctor and not worry about how the bills will be paid, or be able to buy another car. I have had occasion to watch television shows about people who win the lottery and still go broke. I get it.
What I have come to understand is that the "lap of luxury" is only a perception. The vast majority of us human beings will never live luxuriously, and we accept what we have been given with gratitude. Does it stop the envy? No! At this point, I just try to treasure what I have--at least the things that are important--and let the rest go. Hey...nobody is perfect!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Security Blankets
I think I started it. When my daugher was born, my mother's sister (Aunt Rosie) sent a crib quilt that she said she made. (I'm not sure about that.) It was a Holly Hobby quilt with Holly Hobby applique's, crib size. When Meg was able to talk and I was tucking her into her crib, I asked her if she wanted this blanket or her "regular" one. She wanted "reglar". And so it happened. Her "reglar" blanket became "Reggie". She couldn't settle down without Reggie. Once, she was sick with vomiting and diarrhea for almost a week, and all I could do for her was feed her what the doctor recommended while making her comfortable on the couch with her Reggie.
In time, Reggie became worn. I reworked it...put on new backing and re-enforced the applique' stitching by hand. It was hard to keep it away from Meg that long, but I managed...and so did she. Thereafter, Megan and Reggie were constant companions when she needed comfort. Daily.
Over the years, Reggie became a rag. It could not be washed without total ruination. I worried that keeping that piece of blanket near her face would cause infection, but Meg would not be deterred. I think she gave up "Raggie" when she got married. (Maybe earlier, but I'm not sure!!)
When my first grandchild was born, life was good. One evening, when Robin was maybe a year old, she was left with me so her parents could attend a funeral...but Robin was sick. Quite sick. We watched Elmo on video and I snugged her up on the couch with a soft blanket That was the end of that! The soft blankets became a way of life for both of my grandchildren. I don't think either one of them has ever come out of their bedrooms in the morning without a soft blanket over their heads! I always tease Robin, calling her "Mary, Mother of Jesus" because of the look, but blankets are their feeling of security. Even my daughter has purchased a soft blanket just for her. What's left of Reggie, by the way, is just a small scrap of fabric in a platic bag now.
Have I written about this already? God, I hope not. That would mean I am OLD.
In time, Reggie became worn. I reworked it...put on new backing and re-enforced the applique' stitching by hand. It was hard to keep it away from Meg that long, but I managed...and so did she. Thereafter, Megan and Reggie were constant companions when she needed comfort. Daily.
Over the years, Reggie became a rag. It could not be washed without total ruination. I worried that keeping that piece of blanket near her face would cause infection, but Meg would not be deterred. I think she gave up "Raggie" when she got married. (Maybe earlier, but I'm not sure!!)
When my first grandchild was born, life was good. One evening, when Robin was maybe a year old, she was left with me so her parents could attend a funeral...but Robin was sick. Quite sick. We watched Elmo on video and I snugged her up on the couch with a soft blanket That was the end of that! The soft blankets became a way of life for both of my grandchildren. I don't think either one of them has ever come out of their bedrooms in the morning without a soft blanket over their heads! I always tease Robin, calling her "Mary, Mother of Jesus" because of the look, but blankets are their feeling of security. Even my daughter has purchased a soft blanket just for her. What's left of Reggie, by the way, is just a small scrap of fabric in a platic bag now.
Have I written about this already? God, I hope not. That would mean I am OLD.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Life Class
When I came home from church today, I turned on the TV for some background noise. The channel was still on the Opray Winfrey Network, leftover from the re-run Dr. Phil shows that air from 6:00 to 9:00 AM every day. I was watching that before I left for church.
Since it is Sunday, Oprah airs a shows she calls Life Class and it frequently shows snippets of past shows where she talks about things learned from her various guests. Most of the time, I don't watch it because it gets a bit didactic, but I was distracted today and didn't change the channel. I was listening in the background. One snippet was about a guest who had gone out for her usual early morning walk with her girlfriend, and while she was gone, her ex-husband entered the home and killed all four of her children--one of them also his--then killed himself. She sat there on the Oprah show, the picture of total grief...no tears, just total devastation...and when Oprah asked her how she got through her days, she responded that her peace came from the decision that, when she could no longer stand the pain any more, she would do away with herself. She simply hadn't come to that day yet (largely because her family/friends would not allow her to be alone). The "life class" lessons were obvious. Oprah talked about how awful things happen and we sometimes have to reinvent our lives..blah, blah...
And it occurred to me that I had never endured anything that terrible, but I certainly had empathy for that poor woman because I understood at the very marrow of my being how she must have felt. I have always said if anything happened to my daughter or my grandchildren that people could visit me in the looney bin. Seriously! Then Oprah was saying things about having to invent new ways to get through the world. I realized in that moment that I have been doing that all my life!
Reader's Digest once published a list of high-stress life events that can create illness in the person experiencing them. Among them was: death in the family, job loss/job change, home move, divorce, catastrophic illness, etc. I got to looking at that list years ago and realized that I had experienced all of those, one per year for six or seven years in a row. Then there was a break for a few years, and they started all over again.
The worst wrench of my life happened three years ago this month. It changed everything. It challenged everything I thought was right and true and good. And through it all, I either had to find a way to survive or give it all up. Like the woman on Oprah, I was willing to die just to be rid of the emotional pain. I didn't have the courage to do it myself...just wished that God would take me. He didn't! Slowly, slowly, I figured out that I had to find a new way to get through the world...or just shrivel up. I'm sure it didn't do anything to help my health, . My cardiologist wanted to put me on Happy Pills when I sat in his office and wept uncontrollably when he asked what was going on in my life, but I resisted. Chemicals don't take away reality.
Still and all, in this moment, I'm pretty proud of the fact that I am still standing. I haven't had a tough life in the sense that I was beaten, abused, or poverty-stricken, but the potential has always been there for all of that. There were times when I was probably stupid to stick around due to that potential, but I did, and I survived. Some of what I've endured might have brought lesser women to their knees. A couple of those events were life-threatening. I got lucky.
I believe that every person who lives long enough will endure these bad things, so I don't feel special in that department. I just think that we all must walk carefully through life because we never know when it will all be over. The biggest tragedy is that it would all be for naught. Thought for today: stop whining about what you want and don't have, and start praising God for what you do have. I'm working on that!
Since it is Sunday, Oprah airs a shows she calls Life Class and it frequently shows snippets of past shows where she talks about things learned from her various guests. Most of the time, I don't watch it because it gets a bit didactic, but I was distracted today and didn't change the channel. I was listening in the background. One snippet was about a guest who had gone out for her usual early morning walk with her girlfriend, and while she was gone, her ex-husband entered the home and killed all four of her children--one of them also his--then killed himself. She sat there on the Oprah show, the picture of total grief...no tears, just total devastation...and when Oprah asked her how she got through her days, she responded that her peace came from the decision that, when she could no longer stand the pain any more, she would do away with herself. She simply hadn't come to that day yet (largely because her family/friends would not allow her to be alone). The "life class" lessons were obvious. Oprah talked about how awful things happen and we sometimes have to reinvent our lives..blah, blah...
And it occurred to me that I had never endured anything that terrible, but I certainly had empathy for that poor woman because I understood at the very marrow of my being how she must have felt. I have always said if anything happened to my daughter or my grandchildren that people could visit me in the looney bin. Seriously! Then Oprah was saying things about having to invent new ways to get through the world. I realized in that moment that I have been doing that all my life!
Reader's Digest once published a list of high-stress life events that can create illness in the person experiencing them. Among them was: death in the family, job loss/job change, home move, divorce, catastrophic illness, etc. I got to looking at that list years ago and realized that I had experienced all of those, one per year for six or seven years in a row. Then there was a break for a few years, and they started all over again.
The worst wrench of my life happened three years ago this month. It changed everything. It challenged everything I thought was right and true and good. And through it all, I either had to find a way to survive or give it all up. Like the woman on Oprah, I was willing to die just to be rid of the emotional pain. I didn't have the courage to do it myself...just wished that God would take me. He didn't! Slowly, slowly, I figured out that I had to find a new way to get through the world...or just shrivel up. I'm sure it didn't do anything to help my health, . My cardiologist wanted to put me on Happy Pills when I sat in his office and wept uncontrollably when he asked what was going on in my life, but I resisted. Chemicals don't take away reality.
Still and all, in this moment, I'm pretty proud of the fact that I am still standing. I haven't had a tough life in the sense that I was beaten, abused, or poverty-stricken, but the potential has always been there for all of that. There were times when I was probably stupid to stick around due to that potential, but I did, and I survived. Some of what I've endured might have brought lesser women to their knees. A couple of those events were life-threatening. I got lucky.
I believe that every person who lives long enough will endure these bad things, so I don't feel special in that department. I just think that we all must walk carefully through life because we never know when it will all be over. The biggest tragedy is that it would all be for naught. Thought for today: stop whining about what you want and don't have, and start praising God for what you do have. I'm working on that!
Second Season
As I mentioned in a previous post, my annual flowers are looking beautiful since the heat and drought dissipated. But my perennials are totally confused!
Most of my annual plants come up in early spring, bloom, then die back for the remainder of the growing season. Not this year! Apparently the drought and heat represented "winter" to them, and now that we have reasonable temperatures and plenty of rainfall, they are rejuvenated. I have had new fronds of my Autumn Ferns come up, new growth on the day lillies, and blooms on whatever the shrub is on the border of my property. (The border shrub doesn't surprise me, though. I've seen that silly thing bloom in December!) The broad-leaf hostas in front, though shredded from the last hailstorm, have finally bloomed.
And guess what? There is a frost advisory for tonight. It's plenty early in the season for that! It seems that fall arrived almost exactly on the first day on the calendar. Yesterday, I broke out the fall decorations for the house. Just enough to celebrate. I'm not ready for the weather to go from desert to rain forest to winter all in eight weeks' time, but such is life in the Midwest. Ain't it grand?
Most of my annual plants come up in early spring, bloom, then die back for the remainder of the growing season. Not this year! Apparently the drought and heat represented "winter" to them, and now that we have reasonable temperatures and plenty of rainfall, they are rejuvenated. I have had new fronds of my Autumn Ferns come up, new growth on the day lillies, and blooms on whatever the shrub is on the border of my property. (The border shrub doesn't surprise me, though. I've seen that silly thing bloom in December!) The broad-leaf hostas in front, though shredded from the last hailstorm, have finally bloomed.
And guess what? There is a frost advisory for tonight. It's plenty early in the season for that! It seems that fall arrived almost exactly on the first day on the calendar. Yesterday, I broke out the fall decorations for the house. Just enough to celebrate. I'm not ready for the weather to go from desert to rain forest to winter all in eight weeks' time, but such is life in the Midwest. Ain't it grand?
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Mind Splatter
It's been quite awhile since I posted on this blog. I haven't given up. I simply haven't been able to get my mind to settle on thoughts that could be expressed coherently and still be of interest to others. I blame this on what I call "mind splatter".
Over the past couple of years, I have become an active participant in the "social media" event called Facebook. For the most part, it has been fun to keep in touch with former students and old friends, but lately this has been challenging. Why? Because it is an election year. People whom I normally like and respect in real life have become blithering idiots when it comes to religion and politics online. I have no objections to people having their political opinions, and I support their right to say what they feel. But I also have an overgrown sense of fairness, and some of what I see people posting on Facebook is stuff they have copied and pasted from other sites with no regard to accuracy. Simply put, it is mindless regurgitation, made popular because it is fun to take pot-shots at people and politicians in the anonymity that comes with sitting alone at a computer and not face-to-face.
I am painfully aware that I am at odds with many of the people in the state of Indiana. I am a liberal thinker. (I honestly don't know how anyone who is a Christian or an educator can be anything else.) However, I consider myself an "independent" voter...not a Democrat. I have voted for Republican candidates in the past and might again in the future, but more-and-more, I am so turned off by the conservative rhetoric that gets spouted online that it's all I can do to keep my mouth shut. I have already "unfriended" a number of people on Facebook because I no longer care to read their posts that are offensive to me. And these are people that I like!
I won't even go into details, but I will say that the people who post offensive things come in three categories:
Super-patriotic (you don't support the troops if you don't "like" or repost emotional tugs at the heart. Perhaps they have forgotten that there is no draft now. The troops have CHOSEN this lifestyle.)
Super-religious (you don't love God or Jesus if you don't "like" or repost things they have posted. I'm sorry...my personal relationship with God does not require verification on social media!)
Super-political (you are a "moron" or an "idiot" if you don't vote for my candidate. Oops! I have issues that concern me. If your candidate/party does not address these in ways that are acceptable to me, I will vote my conscience. My right!)
A couple of times, I got into online arguments with people I otherwise like, that were so off the mark into name-calling and personal attacks that I had to back out because I felt that they were arguing just for the sake of arguing. (I did get apologies from the worst of them...but not online where others could see.)
Then, one day, the subject of our state Superintendent of Public Instruction came up. He has set up to have the state take over schools that are "failing" based on student test scores, and I can hardly wait to see how he and his take-over model will succeed over the life-long efforts of teachers who are working their butts off for their students. I decided to post a rant about it. At the beginning, I said that I felt a "rant" coming on...and those who didn't want to know it should not read it. Thereafter, one of my female radio friends (there aren't many of us around!) wrote that she didn't read it because she didn't want it to come between us. I think she thought I was posting about presidential politics. She is a conservative Christian, big time. Although we've never talked about it, I'm sure I don't share her politics...but you know what? I REALLY appreciate her saying what she did. Not only did she respect what I suggested (that people of another bent not read it), but by saying what she did, I came to realize that I was becoming too caught up, emotionally, in the whole Facebook/politics deal!
So...what's up with that? Obviously, I don't have a life outside my home! Social media only presents what people want it to present...the fact that no one sits in their home to keep them honest. I have endeavored to be honest and real, but at the end of the day, I understand that it is all just a game. I've had to back off and let the good times roll without me. I'm still fighting the mind splatter that comes with caring about people who think it is okay to attack others. Conservatives and liberals aren't wired the same. It isn't just a matter of politics. It's about whose ox is gored, and how passionate they are about the ox.
I love my country. I love my God. I love my family. I pray for all three every day of my life. I respect the Commander-in-Chief no matter what political party is behind him at any given time. Time to get over the political rhetoric and get back to living! In twenty years, no one is going to remember the importance of Facebook. I live my life as honestly and unselfishly as I can. So be it!
Over the past couple of years, I have become an active participant in the "social media" event called Facebook. For the most part, it has been fun to keep in touch with former students and old friends, but lately this has been challenging. Why? Because it is an election year. People whom I normally like and respect in real life have become blithering idiots when it comes to religion and politics online. I have no objections to people having their political opinions, and I support their right to say what they feel. But I also have an overgrown sense of fairness, and some of what I see people posting on Facebook is stuff they have copied and pasted from other sites with no regard to accuracy. Simply put, it is mindless regurgitation, made popular because it is fun to take pot-shots at people and politicians in the anonymity that comes with sitting alone at a computer and not face-to-face.
I am painfully aware that I am at odds with many of the people in the state of Indiana. I am a liberal thinker. (I honestly don't know how anyone who is a Christian or an educator can be anything else.) However, I consider myself an "independent" voter...not a Democrat. I have voted for Republican candidates in the past and might again in the future, but more-and-more, I am so turned off by the conservative rhetoric that gets spouted online that it's all I can do to keep my mouth shut. I have already "unfriended" a number of people on Facebook because I no longer care to read their posts that are offensive to me. And these are people that I like!
I won't even go into details, but I will say that the people who post offensive things come in three categories:
Super-patriotic (you don't support the troops if you don't "like" or repost emotional tugs at the heart. Perhaps they have forgotten that there is no draft now. The troops have CHOSEN this lifestyle.)
Super-religious (you don't love God or Jesus if you don't "like" or repost things they have posted. I'm sorry...my personal relationship with God does not require verification on social media!)
Super-political (you are a "moron" or an "idiot" if you don't vote for my candidate. Oops! I have issues that concern me. If your candidate/party does not address these in ways that are acceptable to me, I will vote my conscience. My right!)
A couple of times, I got into online arguments with people I otherwise like, that were so off the mark into name-calling and personal attacks that I had to back out because I felt that they were arguing just for the sake of arguing. (I did get apologies from the worst of them...but not online where others could see.)
Then, one day, the subject of our state Superintendent of Public Instruction came up. He has set up to have the state take over schools that are "failing" based on student test scores, and I can hardly wait to see how he and his take-over model will succeed over the life-long efforts of teachers who are working their butts off for their students. I decided to post a rant about it. At the beginning, I said that I felt a "rant" coming on...and those who didn't want to know it should not read it. Thereafter, one of my female radio friends (there aren't many of us around!) wrote that she didn't read it because she didn't want it to come between us. I think she thought I was posting about presidential politics. She is a conservative Christian, big time. Although we've never talked about it, I'm sure I don't share her politics...but you know what? I REALLY appreciate her saying what she did. Not only did she respect what I suggested (that people of another bent not read it), but by saying what she did, I came to realize that I was becoming too caught up, emotionally, in the whole Facebook/politics deal!
So...what's up with that? Obviously, I don't have a life outside my home! Social media only presents what people want it to present...the fact that no one sits in their home to keep them honest. I have endeavored to be honest and real, but at the end of the day, I understand that it is all just a game. I've had to back off and let the good times roll without me. I'm still fighting the mind splatter that comes with caring about people who think it is okay to attack others. Conservatives and liberals aren't wired the same. It isn't just a matter of politics. It's about whose ox is gored, and how passionate they are about the ox.
I love my country. I love my God. I love my family. I pray for all three every day of my life. I respect the Commander-in-Chief no matter what political party is behind him at any given time. Time to get over the political rhetoric and get back to living! In twenty years, no one is going to remember the importance of Facebook. I live my life as honestly and unselfishly as I can. So be it!
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