More Dating Rules

I have to backtrack a little because I have thought of some things that were part of my youth and part of my parenting... 

There was a spoken rule at my house that there could be NO guests of the opposite sex in the house if the adults weren't home.  That wasn't usually an issue since at least one parent was usually home.  And, truth be known, I generally didn't entertain guys at my house.  If we didn't go out for a date, we didn't see each other.  I thought that's what everyone did.  (I have no clue if that was true for other families.  I only knew it was for my family.)  Being the obendient kid that I was, I never had guys at the house unchaperoned....except for that once.  When I was a freshman, I had a so-called BF named Sherby--a Jewish kid.  We never dated because we were too young, but we did go to the high school pool to swim...and this time, he walked me home.  (It was just about a mile from the HS to my house, so it was a bit out of his way....)  When we got to my place, no one was there.  What to do?  I invited Sherby in, dreading the thought that a parent would show up and I would be forever shamed by my disobedience.  He sat in my dad's recliner and we pretended to smooch, but I felt too guilt-ridden and scared to carry on...so I sent him home.  Sherby remained a friend thoughout high school, but only a friend.  ( went to a very large high school in which it was possible to not see friends all day.)  He got a lead in the Senior Play opposite me, so we had a chance to refresh our friendship before graduation.  (Wonder what happened to ol' Sherby?)

The bedrooms in that big house were upstairs.  Male guests were not allowed up there--something that was also dictated in college in my segregated female dorm.  Once or twice a year, we had visiting days when males were allowed in our dorm rooms, but there were rules about that:  the room door had to be open, and there had to be three feet on the floor at all times--and the halls were patrolled.  I mimicked that when my daughter was a dating young'un.  My little house-on-a-slab doesn't have much room for entertaining persons of the opposite sex.  I REALLY didn't want boys in her room, but I allowed it as long as the door was open and there were three feet on the floor.  (I also had the rule that no males were allowed in the house if I wasn't home.  I trusted my daughter on that one but have no idea whether or not she obeyed!)  One of my dear-but-skeptical male friends made fun of me for that one, saying, "If they're going to 'do it', they'll find a way."  Well, yeah...I knew that.  I just was making it a bit more difficult.  As far as I know, it worked!

One day when Megan was still in high school and dating, my best friend (Phyllis) asked me if I thought Meg was sexually active.  I told her that we hadn't talked about it...that I really didn't want to know...that there are just some things you don't tell your mother.  I really, really respect Phyllis as a teacher and a mother, but she nailed me on the forehead by saying, "It's your JOB to know!"  I snooped enough to know a lot of things that Meg didn't tell me, but I never found evidence of actual physical sexual activity until after she had graduated.  Thank God I was spared from having to deal with that!  (Dr. Phil agrees with Phyl, but I was raised in the generation of denial!) 

And it occurs to me that, even as close as I always thought Meg and I were, SHE has to be in control of the flow of information.  If she ever feels that she isn't, she will flat-out cut people out of her life.  She has done it to her father, to me, to her best friend...and anyone else that she perceives is getting too close to information that she doesn't want to let out just yet.  And the beat goes on...

I don't feel that I suffered from the dating rules.  They gave me a compass.  I am FAR from sinless in that regard, but I think I am at least still in the running for understanding how things should be, even if they aren't!

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