Out of the Game

More and more, it occurs to me that I am old.  I think like an old person.  I act like an old person.  I look like an old person.  I have no sparkle.  No gleam in my eye about being competitive in the dating world.  (Dating??  Is that supposed to be about romance?  What for?)  I have essentially taken myself out of the game.  It bothers me a little to see other people of my age still having fun in life, while my very limited funds and failing health and looks just don't cut it. 

I'm trying to change my attitude, but my "self truths" are just too convincing.  Once upon a time, I offered my arm to my daughter's boyfriend's 80-something great-grandmother when we were out in slick circumstances.  She rankled, "Don't put me in that category YET!"  Well...okay...but here I am, just slightly past the mid-60s, and I'm in that category.  I see it in the way people treat me.  I feel it in my shuffling feet and wheezing lungs.  It hurts me when people I haven't seen in awhile say, "How are you?  You don't look so good."  Or when my bro-in-law says that I'm fat (I am) or that I can no longer participate in things I see my contemporaries doing--like water skiing.  Things I used to love to do are out of the question.  I can't sing anymore.  I can't really garden anymore.  It takes me all day just to do a few loads of laundry...and washing floors?  HA! 

I'm not feeling sorry for myself.  Just expressing the truth.  The truth hurts, sometimes...but that's what getting old is all about.  I keep trying.  Wish me luck!