My Snowed-In Mind

As I sit in my snowed-in little house-on-a-slab, in my snowed-in state of Indiana, my mind wanders.  That shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone.  What else is there to do when one lives alone?  My computer is my window on the world, and my television is the source of the background noise that would otherwise be conversation with another human being.  I eat.  I sleep.  I putter around the house.  And the rest of the time, my imagination takes over.  At least I don't talk to myself.  Yet.

Several times lately, my brain has gone back to the day just before Christmas that my family was here to exchange presents just before they left for their vacation in Florida.  Some years, I am totally happy with what I have purchased for everyone.  Other years, I'm not.  This year was, in my mind, somewhat cut-and-dried.  I decided that I would purchase stocking stuffers for everyone, plus one gift to open for each...and the rest would be in cash for their trip.  What I got for my grandchildren was, basically, just fluff--impulsive purchases that I thought would please them and/or keep them occupied in the long drive ahead.  The cash for the children, however, was to be more than usual.  Since they would be going to Disney World, I wanted them to have their own money to spend on souvenirs...so I budgeted $75 apiece for them.  Not bad for kids so young (11 and 9), I thought.  I never expect children to be excited over a cash gift.  It's not something to play with, but I had already asked both grandkids what they wanted for Christmas and got no hints.  Nothing.  Nada.  Even their mother couldn't help with that.  So they got what they got.

What I didn't know (and didn't find out until the night they got here) was that Ryan (my grandson) wanted a Play Station 3.  "It's all I want for Christmas," he told me.  I had to tell him that it was too late to tell me that NOW.  He knew.  He had apparently been lobbying with his mother and stepfather about that, but they had deemed it too expensive.  They were prepared to spend a bunch on the kids' gifts, but not quite that much.  I didn't know anything about that.

The family was to leave for Florida the very next day.  The other grandparents joined us here for a gift exchange before they departed.  It was a whirlwind.  Drop off the cat, unwrap presents, make a mess, eat, repack, and leave.  Whew! 

At gift exchange time, Ryan was sitting next to me.  He seemed somewhat unimpressed (although not ungrateful) with the presents that he opened.  Then he got to the envelope with his money in it.  He exclaimed, "Seventy-five dollars!"  And for reasons I didn't understand, I could sense the wheels grinding in his head.  I left the room to do some things in the kitchen, thinking that was the end of that. 

A few minutes later, Ryan came into the kitchen to tell me that the $75 I gave him had just provided him with his PS-3.  In the few moments that I was out of the room, he had negotiated with his mother.  If he gave her his $75, he could have his desired present as soon as they got to Florida.  He just wanted me to know that my gift had facilitated that for him.  He was a happy boy.

I didn't understand the importance of the moment to him.  If I had, I might have rejoiced with him more than I did.  I hadn't been a party to his pre-Christmas lobbying, nor did I witness the money trade when I was in the kitchen.  I hadn't known that the PS-3 was such a big deal for him....but it was.  It was only days later that it sank in.    He could easily have traded his souvenir money for his PS-3 without saying a word to me, but he came to tell me about it as his way of saying thank you.

Ryan is a boy.  I never raised a boy.  I helped raise a stepson, but I didn't totally understand Eric, and I don't totally understand Ryan.  I only know that he and I have become just a tad closer as he and I get older.  He feels things much deeper than any of us comprehend, but because of his behavior sometimes, it doesn't always come through.  He and I have had moments of clarity that let me know that we, as a family, haven't always done right by him.  I hurt about that.  Thankfully, I can believe in his resilience and intelligence, and hope for the best.  Ry has expressed several times to me that he knows that grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandchildren.  I do my absolute best to live up to that! 

So, in the vernacular joke in my family, I "done good" at Christmas.  In the long run, it probably means nothing, but my snowed-in mind enjoys revisiting the precious moments.  They are so few and far between!