Prejudice, and My Shame

I was raised in mostly white communities.  Never had much contact with people of color, except for Asians when I lived in Japan (and that did change me).  And because I didn't know much about African-American culture, I had no prejudices.  Or so I thought.

When I was teaching in a community in the south suburbs of Chicago (1970s), a several-day workshop was sponsored by a Title-Something federal grant about racism.  I was about as naive as they come, expecting that everyone could see that I wasn't prejudiced, but I soon learned that, just by nature of the definition of racism, I was automatically labelled "racist" because of my status as a white person in a majority white culture.  The whole societal system is based on white mores which makes the likes of me automatically a beneficiary of a racist society...which makes me racist.  I rankled a bit about that but eventually came to understand that it didn't have anything to do with my behavior--more about my privileges and the way society looks at me vs. a person of color.  I got it.

These days, African-Americans seem to be more accepted while Hispanics are all considered "illegals", whether they are or not, and OMG gays and lesbians will be the death of the US because their "lifestyles" go against the Bible.  Huh??  It gets weirder and weirder!  Christians and politicians are falling all over themselves trying to figure out what to do about the Gay Factor in our midst.  It would be laughable if I didn't catch myself thinking things that just aren't right.

In all my 40 years of teaching, I've had thousands of children in my classroom, and I have done everything in my power to protect them from the ugliness of the world.  I can say, mostly, that I could pick out those kids who were gay--mostly guys--with 90% accuracy--who was gay and who wasn't.  It was never revealed at the time.  Coming out of the closet while in middle school or high school was an invitation to disaster.  Fortunately, most waited until they moved on to reveal their sexual identity.  I've only been surprised by two...and one of them is recent.

As far as I can tell, only three of my students are lesbians.  There are probably more but I'm not sure. The most recent revelation didn't come from a declaration but rather from little clues and things she has posted on Facebook.  She was one of my favorites in class--particularly intelligent, particularly creative, and now in college studying in a field close to my heart.  It doesn't bother me at all that she's a lesbian, but I wonder why I even mention it.

And that's part of my shame.  When I see posts from my students who have been in mixed-race relationships and have bi-racial children, that's the first thing I think of.  When I see posts from my gay/lesbian students, that's the first thing I think of.  WHY???  Posts from white, straight people do not trigger my thinking about their race or sexual preference, so why should it happen with the others? The old cliche' is proven, I guess, when those of us trying to defend ourselves say, "I'm not prejudiced. Some of my best friends are black (or gay, or fill in the blank)".  If race or sexuality were not an issue, we wouldn't even think of it when "those people" pop up in our brains.  I treat everyone the same, no matter what, but perhaps because the original definition of racism exists, it must be true--that just being a member of a majority makes me automatically bigoted? Dear, God...I hope not.

I personally believe that one's sexuality--gay or straight--is determined by heredity.  (Science is looking into that.)  I don't think it is a matter of choice, and I also don't believe that we, as a free society, can legally rob those who want to engage in same-sex marriage just because it isn't the Christian norm. But I am bothered by the fact that my brain has the labels in place.  It's not right and it's not fair.

My hairstylist is gay.  I've talked to him at length about his sexuality.  I still have so many questions! When did you first know you were gay?  How has your family received your news?  How are you getting along in the world?  Who do I need to beat up in order to make your life better???

Can't we all just get along?  I am probably the least bigoted of anyone you care to meet, but I'm still guilty of hidden prejudice.  "Hello.  I'm Peggy, and I'm straight."  Really?  Do we need these labels to define us????