Today's post is a lesson in how to save one's life from unnecessary drama. It's something I learned very late in life when, after my divorce, I found that my "ex" was making me crazy and that I needed to let that whole part of my life go rather than keep a dysfunctional relationship going. I had to learn to take care of myself because no one else was going to do it. Life is dramatic enough without all of the negativity that we take on in the name of others.
We amateur radio operators are counseled in the very beginning of our licensure how to deal with QRM. This is the Morse Code delineation for background noise, usually deliberate. There are those who get their jollies from sitting in front of their radios, anonymously, and doing their best to interfere with a conversation, or jam the airwaves with things that are forbidden by FCC rules. It is only slightly more obnoxious than Internet hackers in that the interfering party will not identify, which challenges those on the air with direction-finding (a way to determine who the offender is). The recommendation is that, when faced with deliberate interference, the persons in the radio conversation not acknowledge the interference at all. Nothing. Nada. If it becomes too difficult to communicate, the parties just need to sign off for the time being, making it sound as if they are simply done talking. It's like being on the elementary school playground. A child falls and gets hurt, saying, "He was chasing me!" To which I always replied, "He can't chase you if you don't run." The moment might be ruined, but the ultimate victory comes from knowing that the offending party didn't get the satisfaction of knowing he was having an effect.
The vast majority of my Facebook friends are former students who are seniors in college (youngest) to men and women my daughter's age, with families of their own. Some are my own family. Some are friends. Most of the members of the target audience of this post won't ever see it, so I'm probably talking to myself, but I just want to share what I have learned, just in case. Just in case what? Just in case they allow the drama of other people's lives consume them with anger and thoughts of retribution. Let it go!
And here's how:
1. Do not read the negative things that other people write about you, no matter the temptation.
2. Do not respond to what other people say about you, in any way. Your urge will be to defend yourself, but that is a mistake. More on that later.
3. Do not listen to "friends" who are eager to tell you what negative things others are saying about you, even if you have to interrupt them in mid-sentence.
4. Do not encourage others to fight your battles for you.
5. Do not engage in gossip or negative thoughts even to trusted "friends"--nothing that can get back to the people who are critical of you. It only serves as fuel to continue the fire.
And here's why:
1. If you are secure in who you are and what you stand for and what you have done in life, you have no need to defend yourself to anyone. Let your record stand for you. If you are unjustly attacked, it is because the OTHER person doesn't know or understand. That's his/her problem...not yours.
2. Defending yourself to those who attack only adds fuel to their fire. It keeps a dysfunctional situation going. What that serves to do is consume you. It takes your energy. It takes your time. It makes your blood pressure go up and your positive mental attitude go down. In short, the people who are attacking you are controlling you. They are snickering up their sleeves about how they have really "let you have it" this time. If you have disengaged and don't even know what they have said, they have failed in their mission. Don't let them win! The temptation to defend oneself is enormous. Biting the tongue and sitting on the hands becomes an exercise in personal discipline, but it can be done!
3. It is a fact that if you put a boxer in a ring all by himself, there can be no fight. He can punch at the air and hope that others admire his form, but he has no person to hit over which to be victorious.
I wish my niece could read this and get it. I hope my FB friends understand what I'm trying to say. Clean break. There is no better way!
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