Ryan Eugene

I just returned home after spending the first half of this month up in northern Illinois, visiting my daughter and her extended family.  I went up for my granddaughter's birthday and stayed extra, if for no other reason than the fact that it's a long trip up and back...so I linger.

Living in the house are:  my daughter (Megan), son-in-law (Denis), granddaughter (Robin), grandson (Ryan), and my son-in-law's Russian parents (Luda and Sergei).  Everyone has his/her own bedroom. I sleep in a bonus room that serves my needs when visiting.  It all works out.  Everyone has a place to hide!

The family--all members--have had major adjustments to make since spring.  Luda and Sergei arrived (permanently) from Russia in late March.  Ryan (and his two bunnies, Giblet and Lilly) joined the household in June.  So many personalities to work around!  So many changes in such a short time! So many things to do just to get everyone's needs attended to!  In all of this, I don't worry all that much about the adults because they are....adults.  I worry about the children, who seem to be doing pretty well, all things considered.  But then there is Ryan.

I never raised a boy.  I helped with my stepson, who was only my stepson for 13 years before his father and I divorced, but I left most of the "raising" part up to his biological parents.  I just assisted in providing his Home Away From Home when he and his sister came for visitation.  I taught MANY young men of my grandson's age (11) through the years.  I never pretended to understand them.  I just learned to work around them as best I could in a school situation.  I was closer to some than others. They either respected me or they didn't.  I felt the same about them, but I treated them all with dignity and respect.  Honestly, who knows what lurks in the minds of 11-year-old boys!!!

I was the one who drove both of the grandchildren back to their mother on August 1st.  Ryan spent the first two-thirds of the trip in the shotgun seat next to me.  I asked him one question and was regaled with horror stories about his stepmother and stepsister, some of which didn't really sound believable.  From the back seat, his sister finally asked that we change the subject because she was done with all of that....yet Ryan continued with his stories.  In a receptive moment, I asked him if any of his stories were, perhaps, embellished.  He asked if "embellished" meant "exaggerated".  I said yes.  His response?  "Maybe a little."

Ryan is somewhat oppositional.  If you say it's a beautiful day, he'll say no...it's awful.  He pulls all kinds of dramatic stunts, ending with "nobody likes me"...then continues with whatever behavior led to the conclusion.  He's sharp as a tack but says he will play dumb at his new school so he won't be put in advanced classes because it's too much work.  You get the picture!  But take him away from an audience, and he becomes human.  I'm somewhat skilled at reading between the lines.  He recently said that he guessed it was okay that his parents divorced because "we got Denis out of the deal".  He adores his stepfather, and his stepfather works his pants off to provide for his family of six.  Ryan thinks they are rich.  They aren't.  I am just unable to convince him of that.

On my last alone trip out with Ryan, he asked, "So, what do you do when you are at home alone?"  I explained that I watch a lot of TV, read things on the Internet, play a lot of computer solitaire, cook to feed myself, run errands, and do some cleaning and laundry as I can, etc.  He said it sounded pretty boring.  Oh, Ryan!  If you only knew!

I came home from Lindenhurst, IL, on Saturday.  Sunday night, into the early hours of Monday, my daughter reported that everyone's favorite bunny, Giblet, was found dead in his cage.  (The cage--a purchased habitat enclosure--is in Ryan's bedroom.)  Ryan--Mr. Tough Guy who acted like he didn't care about the rabbits--wept.  A box was found to serve as a bunny casket, and Ryan put a small stuffed rabbit in the box with Gibby "so he won't be alone".  I lost it.  I don't weep for the rabbit; I weep for my grandson.  In his 11 years, so much that he loved has been taken away from him.  I think this is the first time he has really had to deal with death.  He spent a lot of the day watching funny videos just to distract himself (which is a mature thing to do).  He's trying to grow up.  It's just so hard!!

Ryan is a tough nut to crack.  I try to connect with him, but he has his own agenda that doesn't always mesh with mine.  Still, we have something going, and nothing will ever take that away.

God bless my grandson.  He has issues.  He demands a lot of unconditional love.  That is not to take away from Robin who is on point.  I love them both dearly!  I've come to understand that I am no longer a driving force in their lives, but my heart will always be with them.