Sorry

I've never been one to be at a loss for words in the past, and the same thing is true now.  So why have I not been writing in my blog?  My sister keeps reminding me that I haven't posted anything lately.  I apologize to those who might be entertained by reading my mind ramblings on a more regular basis, but "stuff" happens, ya know?

I am going to use overwhelmed as my excuse.  My daughter's expression for that is "too much crap on [her] plate".  I guess I could say that, too.  If it works for others, why not me as well?

The arrival of my Russian friends on February 5th started my status as overwhelmed.  I didn't have as much time to write things, although I did make some entries describing dealing with another culture. I confess I didn't do much work while they were here, but I did have to supervise what they did, and sometimes just keeping them supplied with the things they needed to succeed in the work they did for me took some doing.  (Oh, the life of a lowly supervisor!)

It seemed that the one thing that kept the male half of the working machine well-oiled was beer.  I couldn't supervise the beer supply because he kept it hidden from his wife due to her major objections to his drinking, but on a couple of occasions, he came to me (secretly, with paintbrush in hand) to request beer in order to remain on task.  When I brought it home from the store, I left it in my vehicle for him to put wherever it was he put it when the opportunity arose.  And of course, on Saturdays, I was sure to pick up a 12-pack for him knowing that we couldn't buy any on Sunday.  (This IS Indiana, you know...)  Thus part of my job as supervisor was to supply beer to the man who was working on my house for free.  They departed for Florida on March 20th (Monday) and arrived on the following Wednesday, none the worse for wear.

Another overwhelming thing is the prospect of moving to Seattle.  Were I more mobile and viable, I wouldn't be so scared.  Still, deconstructing a home of 25 years to go and live with family who may or may not appreciate my need to feel useful, and my poor attempts at humor, is quite daunting.  There are so many things to consider--so many things to discuss and think about.  And, considering how embroiled my daughter's life has been over the last few months, I have held off having The Conversation about expectations.  I'm still confused.

One evening when the Russians were here, Luda and I were sitting at the kitchen table just talking (as well as our limited vocabulary allowed).  She was asking me about what I thought concerning moving to Seattle.  I told her that it was hard to give up everything to do that and mentioned that I knew she understood because she had done it when leaving Russia, with the expectation that all would be well living with her son and family.  (All was NOT well, but they didn't know it at the time.)  She keep saying, "It is very hard".  She was the reason they came to America, having to convince Sergei.  And then she put her face in her hands and sobbed, "I was stupid woman!  Stupid, stupid woman!"  My heart broke for her.  Things went afoul for them...mostly misunderstandings and injured feelings on both sides of the fence...from which, I guess, there is no return.  It didn't help my own quandary about moving in with my kids.  Sometimes mere love is not enough.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my sister has fallen and broken a rib.  This woman is the primary caregiver to her husband with dementia while still wanting to be the anchor for family activities like Easter egg hunts and family dinners.  I worry about her.  I'm afraid that the stress of all she does for everyone causes her not to take care of herself--although I admit that she "doctors" more than I do.  I'm just concerned about her.  It's going to be a couple of months before she is going to feel good enough to sleep and reach and breathe and do all of the other things that involve the rib cage.  She could use some prayers, please!

And then, of course, there is the whole political scene in the US right now.  I have lost faith in our political system.  When Donald Trump first announced that he was going to run for president, I just knew that the Republicans would come up with someone more experienced and acceptable to mainstream Americans, but it didn't happen.  Much to my and many (if not most) of the Republican Party's chagrin, the Trump initiative has gathered strength to the point that it looks as though he will, by default, get the GOP's nomination as their presidential candidate.  No one seems to be able to stop him, and I'm absolutely sick about it.  I will vote for Alfred E. Newman before I will vote for Donald Trump, but I fear that there are too many Americans who will give him their vote only because he has captured the media's attention with his antics.  He is NOT presidential material. The rest of the world is watching us and laughing.  I don't think it's funny.  It totally depresses me. And I have no clue what to do about that.  I have mostly given up watching the news because it changes who I am.  I haven't given up yet; I just feel strongly about what I believe, and Donald Trump ain't it!  In a larger sense, I am watching our time-honored system of government implode before my very eyes.  For the first time in my life, I'm afraid for our country.

All of this represents why I haven't written on the blog.  My heart is so full that it might explode at any moment, and I would come across as just another senile crackpot.  So, my dear readers, you must forgive me for my lack of focus.  I'm trying.  Really, I am.