The Grandma Club

There are unwritten rules carved in the stone tablets of human family dynamics.  Some are arguable.  People are people, of course, and each person brings his/her own contributions and contaminations to each relationship, which means they aren't really all that immutable.  Still, there are some circumstances that seem to fit the patterns of society quite well.   Some experiences are shared by most of us who are in the same boat.

After I paid for my groceries at Meijer this afternoon, I pushed my cart past a white-haired woman who was sitting on a bench, waiting for someone.  Next to her were two little boys, unrelated to her, who were riding on the rocking Meijer horse for a penny.  They were riding double, hugging (strangling?) each other.  And the William Tell Overture was playing as the horse galloped.  I looked at her and  simply said, "I remember the days..."  Her response?  "Oh, I know!"  I didn't have to say anything more.  She knew what I was talking about, and I knew what she meant, as well.   We were both part of another unwritten societal thing:  the Grandma Club.  I could tell in an instant that she was a mother and grandmother.  There is a bond in that.

I don't have a clue what is different about grandparenting from parenting, except that I know I don't have to fix my grandkids, and I don't have to fix their parents.  All I have to do is love them.  I loved their mother, too--unconditionally--but this grandparenting thing is less stressful than being the one(s) responsible for seeing that they turn out "right".  I have blasted my brain with thoughts of what they could do that would possibly change my love for them or opinion of them.  Haven't come up with anything yet.  I worry about them, for sure, but I'm not in charge.  It's not my job to teach them how to be responsible or how to serve society.  I wasn't placed on earth to falsely tell the kids that my example is best.  It's not my job to rescue them from their own bad decisions or enable them to continue doing self-destructive things.

Grandmothers all over the world understand.  It's a club.  We get it.