Once upon a time, when my daughter got married, she and her husband announced to me that they decided not to have children. Less than a month later, they were sitting on my couch announcing that they were expecting. I wasn't quite sure how to respond. At first, I think I said something like "holy cow". As the whole concept sank in, my brain shifted into another gear. Time to plan for a baby!
Honestly, I'm not a "baby" person. Didn't really play with dolls as a kid and wasn't always impressed with little ones as a teenager. I had a baby brother who was a pain in the neck to my sensibilities...but..this time was different. This child--THIS CHILD--was my firstborn grandkid. I adored her from the moment she was born. Things are different with grandchildren.
She is way too young to remember now all that we did together and all I that I felt as her grandmother. We went to parks to play on the equipment. I put a toy chest in my living room for her. I invested in videos for her entertainment. I put a baby swing on my patio and an inflatable swimming pool in my yard. Every picture of her adorned my desk at school and brightened my day. When my daughter brought her to school, at age 3 months, dressed in a elephant costume for Halloween, I was ecstatic. I was so totally in luuuv that I would have died for this child. (Still would!)
So many special moments! At first, they all lived on a golf course a mere six miles from me. I had obtained a Little Tykes climbing thing for her plus a sandbox in the shape of a boat from friends in Elk Grove Village, IL. Had help carting the whole bunch back to Central IN, just for one toddler who loved it. One day, a tornado went through the property, taking down a barn and at least 125 trees, one of which missed the house by inches. The boat sandbox was impaled to the ground by a tree branch attached to a big ol' tree in the back yard (the one that just barely missed the house). The jungle gym climber thing was nowhere to be found...carried off by the winds. A couple of days later, her father found the climber thingie blown into the center of a pile of rocks. He dragged it out, while she followed him, clapping all the way. "Yay, yay, yay!" She was no more than 2 years old but her joy was contagious!
Through the years, so many, many things have happened--some sad and some enriching. My feelings for my little bird haven't changed in the least, but she doesn't remember our earlier days. For now, I'm just a dinosaur. Perhaps the day will come that she will understand that asking me to bend to modern ways without much respect for the way of my own raising will dawn on her as it did to me when I felt that my very own mother just wasn't up to date on issues of my world, and realizing that we just weren't on the same planet in that regard, and it wasn't her fault. Nor mine. (Ok, Boomer!)
My baby Robin is a bundle of contradictions. She is somewhat afraid of the potential violence in today's world, and yet she is an activist. Her causes of choice are all about racism, feminism, climate change, and gender issues. I am SO PROUD that she is willing to take these causes on, and yet it scares the daylights out of me that these very issues can put her directly in the line of fire for aggression from those who don't agree with her. If anything horrible happened to my grandchildren (two in number), I would fade into the universe with no more reason to live. It's that serious, folks. As bad as it sounds, I define myself first as a mother, then grandmother...then teacher. For almost 40 years, my life has been driven by my daughter, my grandchildren, and my students. It's the most noble cause I can think of. I may not be a good mother, grandmother, or teacher, but I've done my damnedest to try!
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