Brain Density; The Struggle Is Real

 Oprah Winfrey calls it an "Aha Moment"--the instant a cartoonish light bulb goes on in the brain, shedding light on something in a different way.  Sometimes Dr. Phil will speak a truth to someone in trouble on his show, and he/she will reply, "I never thought of it that way before."  That light bulb comes on, and the audience can tell that what might have been obvious to everyone else has only just now come to the front of that person's consciousness.  It's all about perception, I guess, and it takes a "friend at the factory" to help us see reality when we've been hiding in the forest of trees.  DUH!

I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person and a good judge of character, and yet I have Aha Moments virtually every day of my aging life.  When they hit, I am shocked at myself for not having seen with clarity sooner.  What does that mean about my previous knowledge?  Confirmation Bias?  Head in the sand?  A brain so dense with fantasy that reality can't get through?  What's up with that?  In those moments, I come to understand the significance of what I don't know.  It's as if the Universe is saying, "Oh, so you think you've figured everything out, do you, human?  Well, how about THIS one?!"  And then the bottom falls out of everything I ever believed to be right and true.

I wish I had my life to live over again, knowing what little I do know now.  I would have listened more and talked less.  I would have connected the dots of clues that were clearly telling me I was going the wrong way but didn't want to admit that the commitment I had already invested in relationships was going to fail.  I would have made better decisions along the way.  I wouldn't have taken anything or anyone for granted, but would not have made excuses for the bad behavior of the people in my life.  I would have given no thought to what others thought of me so I could cut to the heart of what I thought was best for me and my family.  I would have asked for a little more for myself without giving away all that I am.  I would have disengaged from life's trolls before they took my self-respect.  But--as always--hindsight is 20/20, while life in 2020 has pulled the slats out of civilization.  I don't get that chance to relive my life.  The best I can do is warn others about what is ahead, if they choose to listen.

I have learned to open myself up to new ideas that are foreign to my generation; yet some things must stay the same.  Truth is still sacred, as is integrity.  Lie to me, and you're done.  I might still love you, but I won't trust you anymore.  My dense brain still can't accept hypocrisy, although I'm fairly certain that I am guilty of it here and there.  The struggles are real.  When I die, no one can say that I didn't try!