It's been awhile since I have made an entry here. No, I have not been ill. (Well, mostly not.) I have, instead, been embroiled in emotional upset about things going on in our country that don't sit well with me, and I'm feeling a bit helpless about it. If you know me at all, you know that I've always been a "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" kind of person. I've always tried to give leadership to situations to make a difference; but, now that I am elderly and somewhat disabled, I've had to give up some control. And I hate it.
I've spent a lot of time in the last 4-6 years avoiding dealing with the personal conflicts. I've had to for the sake of my sanity and blood pressure. Thus, I will follow suit today by not talking about anything too deep. Humor me.
1. Fingernails. When I was younger and more attractive, I spent every Sunday evening giving myself manicures. I removed old polish, filed my nails into proper shape, and reapplied polish. I've been blessed with very sturdy fingernails, so I always wore them longish, and kept them up religiously. Even my students noticed.
After I retired, I was busy with my daughter and grandchildren who were living with me at the time, so the nails got pushed to the back burner. Days turned into weeks, months, and years. Changes happened in life. Instead of polishing my nails, I was only clipping them to keep them short enough to type. Good enough, yes?
For as long as I can remember, the tip of the nail on the index finger on my right hand was curved down. Not sure why it is called that, but it means that the tip of the nail curves downward, which pushes the sides up. I lived with it. Over the last couple of years, however, five of my nails have curved down quite noticeably. I Googled it. Of course, Google claimed it could be anything from nutritional deficiencies to diseases. One site called it "clubbing", but that meant that the involved fingers were swollen and out of shape, too...which is not the case for me. It does say that the "clubbed" nails are a sign of lung disease. Which I have. So there we are.
All I do now is keep my nails much shorter than I used to. If I don't clip them often, they are misshapen and ugly. It hurts my vanity!
2. Over about the last three years or so, I developed lymphedema (swelling) of my lower legs and feet. Because of that, I "doctored" more than usual. I was prescribed diuretics which sent my kidneys into a major tailspin. Test results were so bad, at one point, that my doctor called and said if I started to feel bad, I should just present myself to the Emergency Room. I was taken off the diuretics and told to drink lots of water. The next blood test showed a perfect kidney result, but it was not to last.
My doctor left her practice to move on to the VA, so I established myself with one of her colleagues. I had my first introductory appointment with the new doc a month or so ago. We had a long talk in reviewing my test results, etc. She is a gal of many specialties. When I inquired about my kidneys, she told me--and I was glad to hear it out loud--that I had Stage 3 Kidney Disease, but had likely had it for a long time, and it was stable. She explained that many patients with it never progress to Stage 4, which requires dialysis, so I was not to worry. (Of course, I will anyway.) I am not to take any NSAID painkillers, even though my cardiologist wants me to take a baby aspirin every day. I seriously doubt that that little white pill could possibly hurt my kidneys! I'll keep taking it until I'm told not to.
Oh, dear kidneys! What did I ever do to you???
3. And then there are teeth. Both my brother and I were missing permanent teeth. One dentist told our mother that we were probably the beginning of the evolution of toothless humans. (Our sister had all of hers. Proof again, that she got all of the good family genes!!) The emergence of permanent teeth somehow dissolves the roots of baby teeth, which causes them to loosen and come out. Without a permanent tooth coming in, the baby teeth stay, even though they were only designed to last for 5-10 years.
I was missing three regular teeth (two molars and one lateral incisor) and one wisdom tooth. A canine tooth came in over the lateral incisor and kicked it out, with no permanent tooth to fill in the gap. The two primary molars stayed and stayed, until one of them broke. The dentist put a pin in it to give it more time, but eventually, over a many years, they both broke and had to be removed. They held on probably 35 years longer than designed.
The wisdom teeth were another story. One came in somewhat normally, although it didn't emerge at the same level as the molar next to it. Two others were impacted, which means they were sideways under the gums. The fourth one didn't exist. Way back in the 80s, I had the upper impacted wisdom tooth removed because I could taste something weird going on up there. The other impacted tooth gave me fits when, somehow, it seemed to be pushing sideways out of my gums. (It eventually stopped, so I didn't do anything about it.)
Now, in my old age, my teeth are moving which, I'm told, means periodontal disease. I have already accepted that I will probably end up with dentures or full mouth implants. I have tooth problems on a regular basis!
My father, God rest his soul, had not one cavity in his teeth, ever, even though he claimed that he didn't even own a toothbrush until he was 19. He died in 1994, at age 76, with his original choppers still intact. Why couldn't I have inherited that????
4. And now, the piece de resistance <---that's French: I was born in 1947, which makes me part of a generation known as Baby Boomers. This refers to a glut of babies born after soldiers and sailors came home from WWII. Baby Boomers were raised by parents who have come to be known as the Greatest Generation...those who survived the Great Depression, fought in two wars, and worked hard to provide for their families. In our family, family was first. We were raised with solid values and expectations, leadership, and always always love. We weren't spoiled in the least, but we always knew we were protected and cared for by our parents who wanted more for us than what they had.
The "Boomers" grew up in the 50s, 60s, and early 70s. At the college level, we somehow became the Vietnam War generation, the anti-war protest generation, the drug generation, the "free love" generation, the "Hippie" generation, shaped by the assassinations of JFK, MLK, RFK, Malcomb X, and many, many others who were seeking to eliminate racial segregation. Politics was divided among the hawks (Republicans) and the doves (Democrats), and things got insane with race riots and political demonstrations that resulted in deaths and more division. In short, Boomers were rebelling against the "establishment" of the previous generation, and the previous generation was fighting back.
In the middle of it all, I was a silent sympathizer. I felt what the anti-war protesters felt. Did I participate? No. I had too much respect for all that my parents had gone through in life to betray them with rebellion. I am both proud of myself for that and ashamed that I didn't have the courage to buck what was wrong with society back then. They sacrificed a lot for us kids, and I didn't want to reject that just to make a point.
So now, in my old age, the internet seems to blame my generation for the way things are now. Apparently Boomers vote Republican. Apparently Boomers are nasty and unbending. Apparently Boomers are selfish, entitled, and power-grabbing...and that's where the big question mark appears over my head. That's not me. That's not us. Or, at least, I didn't think it was. I'm not at all sure when the Boomers became the villains for the current generation. I would LOVE to have a civil conversation with someone who blames "us" for today's ills, just to get a handle on what went wrong. I honestly don't get it. I want to, but I don't. It isn't part of my experience.
I'm not a risk taker. I simply don't make waves. Never have, deliberately. And so, I will now take my weird fingernails, damaged kidneys, and rotten teeth into my Boomer lair--like Grendel's fen--and hide. God bless us, every one!
I'm not happy with the way things are going in MY country right now
No comments:
Post a Comment