True story: Just two days ago, I had to do the math to remind myself of my age. For a few moments, I couldn't remember if I was 74 or 75. The ugly reality is 75. And therein lies the content of today's post. When we get older, we lose things. It seems that memory is first. This is one of the reasons that I try to write down memories in this venue. If any of my potential descendants are the least bit interested in me or my life, they won't run into brick walls.
What else do we lose with age? Certainly, everyone is different, but the general public seems to follow the same path as I. In no particular order:
1. Teeth. I've already written about mine, and the situation isn't getting better. I'm facing dentures or implants, although I'm not eager for either. I've lost many but still have enough that I don't look forward to having them all removed at once. Trust me: this won't be a quick decision.
2. At least one sense. Humans are known to have five senses: sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. (There is current discussion that we have more than those, but that's what I was taught in school.) Typically, we don't lose any of them completely, but it does happen. My vision isn't great, nor is my hearing. Can't smell a thing, unless it is crushed garlic or the alcohol in hand sanitizer, due to long-term sinusitis. (Smell and taste are supposed to be connected. Thank God, that hasn't happened in my case! I can still taste my food even though I can't always smell it!) Thankfully, my sense of touch isn't affected. I can still feel things. In fact, I can feel things crawling on me that aren't there, thanks to circumstances beyond my control. And so it is.
3. Bladder/bowel control. Indeed, this happens occasionally to everybody, no matter their age, but it happens more frequently to those of us who have a few years on us. Youngsters make fun of it in social media, but their turn will come! We need to de-shame this, even for men, because it's a fact of life!
4. Dignity. HA! All a woman has to do to lose her dignity is to get pregnant. Thereafter, she will be poked and prodded in every way possible, with many people witnessing her most private and personal moments. Now, with state laws all over the USA making it difficult to end a pregnancy, it gets worse. There are moments for ALL of us that take away our ability to preserve our dignity--the things we don't wish to make public about how life is for us.
As an example, my dear grandmother developed a benign tumor on her spine. By the time it was discovered and removed, the damage had already been done. She never walked again, spending the last 15 years of her life in a wheelchair. She was too heavy for family to lift her out of her chair into bed, so they bought a hydraulic lift that had her "flying" through the air, with her naked bottom in full view of anyone who happened to be around. My mother worked and worked on her mother's rear end to prevent pressure sores, which meant that Grandma laid on her side in bed, bare, with a heat lamp aimed at her butt. This woman...this woman...was the darling of the rural gentry. She was beautiful. A leader in the church, directing the choir, etc. Also directing all that went on with the huge garden and inside the home. Everyone that I knew respected my grandmother as the matriarch of an honored family. Of course, they didn't know how hard it was for her behind the scenes to lose her dignity in those moments.
5. Autonomy. The older you get and the less you can do for yourself, the more you are at the mercy of others who think they know what is best for you, regardless of what YOU think. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I do admit that there are times when I don't tell some people about some of my trials and tribulations because I know that they will begin to supervise my decisions--perhaps before I am mentally prepared to deal with them. (I am a world-class procrastinator!)
Of course, things I used to do for myself I now have to pay for. I had to give up yard work first. Although I love to garden, mowing became a chore that knocked the strength out of me. In the early days of living in my little house, my Egyptian Muslim neighbor, Abdul, would stop me and say, "You shouldn't be doing this. This is too hard for you." I think my sweaty red face gave me away. I smiled and nodded and thought to myself, "Are you gonna do it for me? It won't mow itself!" No...in those days, I did everything I could by myself. It wasn't/isn't in my nature to ask for help. Of course, and perhaps because of that, people close to me get passive-aggressive about "hinting" what I should be doing. Yeah...I'm not ready for "the home" quite yet, but coming, I'm sure!
6. Hair. I know I'm not the only woman whose hair has thinned dramatically with age. It actually started way back in college. In fact, I'm probably lucky that I still have as much as I do, but it sure irritates me! Men understandably regret their baldness, but women are supposed to be protected from that by hormones. Yeah, right! I never had morning sickness during pregnancy, and never had mood swings or hot flashes in menopause. Do I even have hormones???
I'm begrudgingly learning to accept the things I can't change. Focusing now on how to get through the last days with the least amount of regret. There is no other way!
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