Hello?

My sister is upset that I have not updated my blog since Saturday. This is for you, Shari!

I was watching Oprah today and heard Wynona Judd talk about how she didn't really know her mother. She sounded so sincere about her efforts to understand what motivated the biggest influence in her life. Of course, I personalized that. My sister and I have spent so much time in life being something to our children that I'm not sure any of our children/grandchildren/great-grandchildren have thought about what makes us tick. Which brings me to the notion: How do I wish to be remembered when I am gone?

I am totally aware that I am a care-giver. I didn't know that for a long time, but every relationship that I have tried to have in my post-divorce life has resulted in my doing the giving. The result, of course, is that I am needy because I don't have the resources left to take care of me...and I'm not willing to accept someone trying to take care of me because I'm not used to it. Make sense?? Most of my care-giving has been just rolling up my sleeves and doing what needs to be one at the moment. It's what my grandmother did and my mother did...and my sister and I just follow suit. Damn the torpedoes; full speed ahead! I'm not sure my daughter understands it all, but she isn't asking...

Shari (my sister) and I share a common experience tempered by our own realities. There are people who wonder how she could have survived in her circumstances. I envy the daylights out of her circumstances! I have recently found out that she also envies mine, for different reasons.

I'm betting that we both hope that our legacy will be that we were women of tenacity who never, ever gave up on anything. God bless you, Sister Shari...and God bless me!