The Screams of Silence

When awake and busy toddlers suddenly become quiet, it's time to find out what they're up to.        When someone you love who is normally talkative stops talking, something's up.                                    When you abruptly have no words to explain how you are feeling or why anyone should care, red flags should fly.  

Sometimes, silence from people virtually screams TROUBLE.  Those who are too far into depression, loneliness, problems in life, or mental illness are experts at hiding what's wrong.  They can be ashamed to appear emotionally weak, or perhaps they are embarrassed to have anyone know their dirty little secrets.  Maybe they have low self-esteem and don't consider themselves worthy of the attention of others.  Not sure.  Doesn't matter.  All that matters is that someone you know, and maybe love, isn't talking.  Where do we go from there?

"Am I my brother's keeper?"  In a sense, I am.  I certainly can't fix the world but I do understand that something isn't right when people uncharacteristically get quiet.  But there is another aspect to this that isn't immediately obvious:  sometimes, when I get a hint of something I simply can't deal with, I don't ask questions because I fear the answers.  My daughter, the one person in my life that I love above all else, also senses the triggers.  She doesn't offer answers to questions I haven't asked because she also doesn't want to deal with the problems that the truth might bring.  Thus, we both remain detrimentally silent about a huge pile of manure in the middle of our virtual living spaces.  I always intuitively know the truth without the details.  When I think I am ready to hear the details, she has already shut me out.  (This is a pattern with the two of us.)  In this case, silence isn't golden.  It's destructive of our trust in each other.  Beyond that, it's an indication that we don't know each other as well as we think we do.  

Truth is--and my daughter knows this--it takes me a little bit to adjust to/accept big changes in the flow of things in life.  When she and her first hubby announced to me that they were expecting, after telling me just a couple of weeks before that they had decided not to have children, I was confused.  That time, it took me less than an hour to switch gears from Mom to Grandma.  And then they gave me another grandchild.  My life was changed forever!  Those children became the focus of my life.  And then...and then...my daughter made a decision I simply couldn't understand, and never will.  It affected all of us, including the children, and I still can't talk about it without tears and heartbreak.  Thankfully, most of that has been resolved but at what cost?  There were months of silence, anger, sense of betrayal, and prayer.  There is no hurt quite as exquisite as coming from the ones you love the most.

Silence doesn't always represent relief or calm.  Sometimes, it screams that all is not well.  I must come to understand the difference.