Father's Day

The day approacheth for us to appreciate the fathers in our midst.
I'm not a father, so it is difficult for me to get into a daddy's brain, but I had a father, my daughter had a father, my grandchildren have a father and stepfather, and my nieces/nephews had fathers.  Plus my former students.  All God's children have fathers!  Does that give us the ability to judge daddies?  Yes, in the same way that we all had teachers in our youth so just knew who was a good one (for us) or not.

During my lifetime, the role of fathers has changed.  My parents' generation had fairly clear ideas of what the moms and dads did.  What they went through in life determined how the kids were raised.  My generation--the Baby Boomers--were given the best of what the parents could provide, due to the sparsity of opportunities that the parents had.  They sacrificed to give their children what they didn't have.  And the Boomers, in reaction to that, became permissive and entitled, which then got passed off to the Boomers' children.  And now, I understand (with horrific realization) that Baby Boomers are now blamed for what is wrong with society, government, and all of that.  I wasn't raised that way, but if that is the way we are perceived, it comes for a reason.

My generation was the first to figure out that, in order to have what our parents worked so hard to provide, moms and dads BOTH had to work in order to provide what their families wanted.  That required more schooling/day care for their children.  Over time, the parents' role became the school's responsibility.  SO MANY parental responsibilities have been hoisted onto school/society, in some cases with bitterness that it wasn't given before.  School lunch debt.  College loan debt.  The seemingly sudden realization that a college education doesn't always bring the perks that were supposed to happen and that they didn't take advantage of learning opportunities when they were offered.  It's definitely a new world.

My father was a traditional dad of his generation.  He was the breadwinner.  Mom took care of the house and the kids, but we were all quite aware that Mom shared whatever was going on with him.  He wasn't clueless.  He was a more loving father when we were young.  When we became teenagers, he expected more of us (and was probably more disappointed if we didn't react the way he would have at the same age).  This was very pronounced with our brother.  Less so with my sister and I...

My daughter's father had a strict notion of how he wanted HIS kids to behave.  It was all about his image rather than their growth or learning, which troubled me quite a bit.  It was not conducive to feeling loved unconditionally...and that's all I will say about that.

My grandchildren, however, are true lucky duckies.  They have a father who loves them and a stepfather who loves them.  Each dad in their lives have strengths and weaknesses, as we all do.  They also have grandfathers--two of them--who adore them as much as I do.  (There is also a step-grandfather, but he hasn't had much exposure to them.)  No one--I repeat, NO ONE--speaks ill of anyone else.

Daddy Nathan was a very active, involved father with his young'uns.  I suspect he changed as many diapers and cooked as many meals as their mother did.  One thing I remember was that he would not allow the children to be anywhere in the yard while he mowed because of risks.  I thought he was being too cautious, but since then have read MANY stories about children injured because of they were too close.

There was the time that a tornado came through the golf course where my family lived.  Nathan was the supt.  It was horrifying.  They survived and escaped to show up at my house after the fact.  When I got home after rushing to their house, Nathan was pacing my front yard, holding his son in his arms.  I was so very grateful to see them!!

Another time I remember was during an air show in Muncie, IN.  We weren't attending, but the planes were flying over their property.  At one point, I was in the back yard and saw the stealth bomber going overhead.  I absolutely yelled, "THE BOMBER!"  My grandson, who couldn't have been more than two years old, was in the doorway but stepped back in shock when he heard the noise of the plane overhead.  His father, right behind him, scooped him up in his arms and brought him into the yard to see.  (Of course, the child wouldn't remember it now, but it made an impact on me.)

The day that my grandson--age 5-- fell off his bike and suffered a major concussion while in Nathan's care also comes to mind.  Totally knocked the kid out.  Nathan sat in the ambulance with his son as he was transferred from Muncie to the children's hospital in Indy.  (Riley.)  No one else did Daddy's job that day.

Fast forward to after the divorce.  Too many things to think about, not all of which I care to do, but the time came that a stepfather to my grandchildren came into the picture.  He never balked.  Over the years, he has been a patient teacher, a pop-off valve, a caregiver, supporter, sacrificer, and a doer.   To my knowledge, he has never ever complained about all that he has done for the children.  He is patient and soft-spoken.  He has never pretended that he isn't their father, but chooses not to call them "stepchildren" because he considers it disrespectful to them.

Long story short, my family is so blessed to have the best of both worlds in my grandchildren's lives.
As you might suspect, nothing is ever perfect, but I think we have done the best we can all do to make the kids happy in life.

I love them all! 
Happy Father's Day in Heaven, Dad!
Happy Father's Day, Grandpa Joe!
Happy Father's Day, Grandpa Sergei!
Happy Father's Day, Grandpa Phil!
Happy Father's Day, Nathan!
Happy Father's Day, Denis!

May God richly bless you all!