Sun!

The sunshine really helps my productivity. It was so nice to see the sun today!

This is going to sound stupid, but I bought 10 pounds of potatoes for the anticipated Christmas Eve dinner, then changed the menu. I had a huge bag of potatoes here that had no chance of being used. On my errands this afternoon, I decided to take the bag to church. They cook for the Indy homeless on Wednesdays. Hope they can be used!

Got some prescriptions renewed today. The pharmacy computer said I wasn't due yet, but I told the dude that I fill out a week-long medication filler, and was going to be gone for a few days. Guess that worked.

Will leave for Illinois tomorrow, with snow coming this way. Damn the torpedoes; full speed ahead!

Guess Megan and Denis are in receipt of the keys to their new apartment today. They are now three hours behind Indiana, so I have trouble figuring out their schedule. Megan showed up on Skype this early afternoon but made no attempt to contact me, so I gave up and moved on. They have, basically, nothing. They will need to buy a bed and a table, at first, just to get by...and food staples. Staples alone usually cost $200...eggs, butter, bread, milk, salt, pepper, baking soda, blah, blah. Been there, done that. I wish them well. They also need dishes, pots and pans, towels, etc. Meg is basically re-creating her life, leaving everything behind. My heart breaks over some of that.

Moving on. Getting ready for the IL trip!

Green Poop, Ripped Thumbnails, and Broken Teeth

This may fall into the Too Much Information category, but it is my life.
For instance, did you know that if you eat wreath cookies with green food coloring in them, you get green poop? I didn't. Very colorful!
Then, today, I went to open a car door and a piece of ice bit me under the thumbnail. At least, I think that's what happened...or I somehow ripped the nail into the "quick". It bled and now hurts. Yuck!
Last night, it felt like I had food caught between a couple of back molars, so I got out the floss and started working in there. Out popped a huge portion of my tooth! That means I now have three broken teeth, and I'm beginning to wonder if I am going to end up with dentures. I do have dental insurance, but it doesn't pay all that much toward mouth appliances. Guess I will wait to make the dentist appointment after I get back from Illinois. It's getting rather hard to eat!

I took my car to a repair garage in Stilesville this morning. It's a bit of a hike, but a ham friend works there and is fair in charging. He/They determined that the thermostat was, indeed, the problem with the "check engine" light. Had that replaced and had them flush and fill the radiator on the recommendation of another ham friend. Total cost was just under $300. Just hope the car will make it through winter with no further problems. And speaking of that, I left the house 10 minutes early to go meet my back-up ride to the repair shop. Thought all I would have to do was brush the snow off the car, but nooooo... There was ice under the snow. Had to scrape. I was 10 minutes late meeting Big Ryan and about froze my hands in the process. I hate winter!

I was in what used to be the master bedroom last evening. ("Used to be" because it was once mine...then we moved Meg in there when the garage was made into a Grandma room...and now it's empty.) Trying to decide what to do back there. Anyway, I was organizing the stuff she left behind, figuring out what to do with it. Came across a journal, of sorts, that Meg wrote back when she was in high school and in "luv" with Mike L. Couldn't think of living without him...blah, blah. Water under the bridge. My first thought was to sit down at the computer and transcribe it for posterity, but my second thought was "Whatever for"?? It went in the trash. Bye-bye!

All of Indiana--and maybe the rest of the country--is talking about last night's Colts game, where the coach's decision was to remove the starters from the game with only a 5-point lead, in order to prevent anyone from getting hurt before the playoffs. Colts have been undefeated, and it was a home game. Guess what? Colts lost! There are a whole bunch of disgruntled fans. What's done is done, but there is a lot of armchair quarterbacking going on in the Hoosier state today!

Worked on my bedroom some today. My bedroom (garage room) = place where everything goes that has no other place in the house. Digging out...again. Will the job ever be done???
Stay tuned!

Watching the weather for the Illinois trip on Wednesday...

Sluggard!

Don't know what my problem is. For the last three days, I have basically done very little around here...and there are so many things I could be doing. On Christmas Eve, late, I came down with a minor cold. Postponed my trip to Illinois the next day because I figured it was going to develop into something nasty. It didn't. Just enough to keep me coughing and blowing my nose, but not enough to make me feel all that bad. But still...

Do you know how bad Sunday television programming is? I've even had to resort to watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians! You know...the one where Kris puts some kind of male enhancement medication in hubby Bruce Jenner's coffee, and her son inadvertently drinks it. He ends up having to go to the doctor because he is having...uh...shall we say, a "male enhancement" problem that won't go away. She has to confess to her men what she has done. THAT is the programming that I am reduced to watching! Pretty sad!

I have new electronics to learn. Yesterday, I got a lesson in how to use the MP-3 player that Santa brought me. Learning curve there. And I have a "new" cell phone (Megan's old one). Learning curve there, too. Plus an old digital camera that Megan left behind that still works. I can take pictures. Had to have a lesson in how to put them on the computer. Yet another learning curve. As my daughter once said, "It's useless to teach technology to you Baby Boomers!" (Tell you what...THIS Baby Boomer has done a lot through the years to enable her Me Generation behavior. She needs to be a little more respectful!)

It has been snowing, gently, virtually all day. I think we have a couple of inches of snow on the ground now. We've had about three snowfalls, so far, that just represented "dustings", so this is the first bigger one. I don't care. My car has only left the driveway once in three days!

Colts game should be going on now. Maybe I'll look for it on TV. Go Colts!

Robin's Picture

When custody changed for my grandchildren and they were sent from here to live in Muncie, Robin's personal school supplies and belongings, etc., from Van Buren Elementary, were brought to me by her former Brownie Scout leader. Among the the items was a drawing done in art class--an under-sea picture of various fishes on a water color/resistance wash background. There was a shark, a sea horse, a clown fish, a dolphin...and something else...remarkably well done. At the bottom was a treasure chest and a key, such as you might find in an aquarium. I was struck with the artistic skill of a barely-7-year-old that I thought I might try to find a frame for it before it got any more wrinkled or had the edges torn up.

During this Christmas shopping season, I looked in several department stores, but there were no frames that would work. The picture was done on a 12" by 18" piece of paper. I could find NOTHING with a 12 x 18 opening, and Robin had made such good use of the whole paper that there was nothing I could trim to make it work in other sizes without jeopardizing the integrity of her picture. Professional framing would work but would be $70 or more. My idea was well-intentioned, but it didn't look like it was going to happen...at least not for this Christmas.

A couple of weeks ago, I had reason to go to Jo Ann Fabrics to get a fabric remnant for a little project. If I had just gotten the material and left, it would have cost me all of $1.50...but I decided to take a jaunt through their picture frames. Up and down the aisles. Will this size work? No... What about buying a picture in a frame and chucking the picture? Hmmm....still nothing. Up and down the aisles some more. Gave up and went to another area of the store to look for something...then back to the picture frames. Nothing...nothing...NOTHING would work. On my last traipse down a frame aisle, I spied a BIG matted picture frame with a 12 x 18 opening. Wow! Success! But price tag = $45. Whoa! That's a bit much for a piece of 2nd grade artwork. You know the rest of the story...right? Of course, I bought the frame!

I thought I was nuts. Didn't know if Robin would have a place for the picture in Muncie. Didn't know if she'd even care much, since it wouldn't exactly be a gift to play with. As she opened it on Christmas Eve morning, she seemed to like it...but I couldn't really tell. When it got close to time for family to arrive for our early Christmas Even dinner, Robin asked when they would get here. I said, "Any time now." She posed herself on the edge of the couch with the picture on her lap, facing outward, waiting for people so it would be the first thing they saw when they came in the door. She stayed that way for at least ten minutes before her daddy and stepmother and step-grandmother came. Then, as the next wave of people showed up, Robin did the same thing--sat on the couch with the picture on her lap. By the time her other grandparents got here, there was no longer any room on the couch, but she immediately pointed the picture out to Grandma Judy, (then took Judy to the back bedroom to show her the poster of Robin and Ryan running in the surf in Florida, given to us by a close family friend). My guess is that she was very proud of her picture!

When I give things to the grandchildren, I am always careful to tell them that the things are theirs to do with as they wish: leave here for their next visit, or take home. I never know what their reasoning will be, but I want them to know that they have the choice. I asked Robin if she had decided what she wanted to do with the picture. She said, "Take it." After they left for Grandma Judy's, I noticed that the picture had been left behind. Did that mean she had a change of heart? They could not have been at Judy's house--a mere mile from here--for more than two minutes when my phone rang. It was Kendra asking if I'd bring the picture when I came over. Robin must have noticed that it had been left behind!

I know from experience that pictures, cross-stitch projects, etc., always look so much better when they are properly framed. I don't know if Robin's happiness with the picture was because it was HER picture, or because **I** liked it so much...or if it just looked good to her in the frame. I only know that it didn't hurt her self-esteem at all to see her artwork in a formal matted frame. A forty-five dollar investment in a little girl's pride was money well spent!

Christmas Eve, Continued

Sooo... We all retired to Judy and Phil's. Judy had WAY too many dessert choices, all delicious. The children launched into their presents and things got goofy. Judy had bought blinking Rudolph noses for the men, some of whom declared that they would take theirs to church! At about 5:30, I came home. Judy and Phil needed to be at church at 6:00 to prepare for services. I met them all there just before 7:00.

I got to church a little early. Had I been any later, I wouldn't have found a place to sit! I walked down one side of the sanctuary looking for Nathan and family. Not there. Walked down the other side where Kendra spied me. There was ONE empty seat in the pew just in front of them, so I squeezed in. Our church has five (5!!) Christmas Eve services, and I must say that the 7:00 PM service was fabulous, with the full choir and an orchestra. Absolutely beautiful music! There was Scripture and singing and a short pastoral message, and the service concluded with the congregation lighting their candles, singing Silent Night. I've learned always to have tissues with me in church because I can't make it through a single service without tears! I decided years ago not to worry about what people would think of the gray-haired lady bawling in the pew!

I said my good-byes to the children in the parking lot as they prepared to leave for Muncie, then I came home to my now-too-quiet house...and wept most of the rest of the evening. Don't ask me why I cry. I simply don't know! The meaning of the season, the beauty of the music, memories of past Christmases when my loved ones were still alive, change, loss--you name it. I think it comes with getting older...

There were some interesting moments. Since Robin had told me that there were presents under their tree at home, I thought it would be okay to put my presents for the children under mine. Ryan accepted those as gifts from me. On Christmas Eve morning, they discovered their stockings full...but Ryan announced that SANTA hadn't brought him anything except the stocking things because there were no "new" presents under the tree. Oops!

During church last night, I coughed a lot and had a drippy nose. This morning (Christmas Day), I woke up to chest congestion, a scratchy throat, a gluey eye, and more nasal stuff. Thus, I have postponed my trip to Illinois...waiting to see if I am going to get better or if this is the start of the heebie-jeebies. Hope not!

My daughter just checked in. They are doing the Grand Canyon today, but she says it is cold. And so it is.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Christmas Eve

Today was to be Christmas for the grandchildren here in Plainfield. I was to provide an early dinner for the extended family; then we all would go to the other grandparents' for dessert and presents. It was my intention that the kids not open their presents until then. Silly me! The minute Ryan opened his eyes, he started asking to open gifts. He had already snooped so knew at least one present (because I didn't have anything wrapped before they arrived a few days ago). He's a skunk!

Okay...so gift-opening took some time when I had planned to clean. I had quite forgotten how hard it is to get anything done with children in the house... I was trying to get things done. Had set the tables--kitchen, and a card table in the living room--last night. That part was accomplished, but we still had to deal with kid-messes in the living room and bedrooms, and dinner wasn't started. Kendra (the children's stepmother) called and told both children to clean their rooms so I wouldn't be left with a mess. They did! Robin actually "deep" cleaned her room, leaving it better than it was when she got here! Ryan was a bit more reluctant but did work on it. Glory be!

I had planned for church outfits for the children. Bought Ryan a totally new outfit since he has outgrown his pants, and had something picked out for Robin...a navy blue skirt that Grandma Judy had provided months ago, and a cute navy cardigan with snowmen on it. Got them dressed. Cute! While I was working on the kitchen, Robin came in and announced, "I have something to show you. I think it means more work for you, and I think it's gum!" Sure enough, there was gum on the seat of the living room chair. Closer inspection showed it all over the back side of her skirt and snowman sweater. Ugh! Change of clothes required for something much less festive. (Will now have to figure out how to get the gum out of the clothes. Kendra and her mother reversed the futon-chair seat. Presto! No gum in sight!)

Okay...so for dinner, I was to have ten people, including me. All part of Nathan's family--my former son-in-law. Guests were Judy and Phil (grandparents); Kendra and Nathan (custodial parents); Mary (Kendra's mother); Sara and Dan (aunt and uncle); and of course me and the grandchildren. I was running out of time to get dinner going. With a mere two hours before folks were supposed to arrive, I reached into the pantry to retrieve a box of Jiffy corn muffin mix, and came up with...cake mix! "Get your shoes on, children! We have to go to the grocery store!" Twenty minutes later, we were back. I launched into a higher gear. Of course, that's when Ryan started asking if he could go play with Jack... Bless him, he couldn't understand that I was in no position to allow that.

Nathan, Kendra, and Mary arrived first. Nathan spied the huge bottle of brandy left over from when Megan and Denis were here. He found the egg nog in the refrigerator and fixed himself a drink. Apparently, Mary did, too. Dan and Sara showed up next. Judy and Phil were last, but it was probably merciful. I had only gotten my hair and makeup done a few minutes before the appointed time. Dinner was served shortly thereafter. It went okay. Then everyone retired to the Heffelman grandparents' home for dessert and presents.

And now I really must apologize, but I am going into so much detail that I don't wish to continue this diatribe tonight. To those who actually read this blah-g, Merry Christmas!

Isaiah 9:6

For unto us a child is born; unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

As I type those words, I can hear them in Handel's magnificent The Messiah, and it makes my heart thrill! So many bad things have happened in my life this year that I need the story of Christmas to bring me back to what is good. Christmas is good for my soul! Not Christmas, as in holiday trappings and presents and commotion, although there is certainly plenty of that. Christmas, as in beautiful music, quiet moments, and reflection on the greatest gift God bestowed upon the world: Jesus, the Christ.

I am reminded of Christmases as a child with people that I loved so dearly. I remember every Christmas concert that I ever sang in, and one very special concert in the gym of Washington Elementary School in Pontiac, IL, when my then-7-year-old daughter stepped up to a microphone and sang, in a clear and lovely voice, a verse of the song The Friendly Beasts. I remember Christmas in Japan, Christmas in California, Christmases in Illinois and Indiana, and just last year, Christmas in Florida where we watched the sun come up on the beach and fed the hungry gulls.

Every Christmas, no matter where, had one thing in common: traditions, and the celebration of the birth of our Lord, Jesus. My parents, grandparents, and brother are gone now. My daughter is many hundreds of miles away. Still it is Christmas in my heart.

I pray that Christmas will be in your heart, too.
"God bless us, every one."

Not a Particularly Good Day...

Last night, after we watched our movie--a Veggie Tale DVD that Grandma Judy gave the children--the children both bedded down in the living room. Robin was on the couch, and Ryan was on the pulled-down chair futon. They both conked out immediately, bless them. It was nice!

Today, however, hasn't been the best. Yesterday, I told the children that they couldn't play with Jack today until they picked up their rooms and the messes they had left in the living room. There was a lot of hesitation. Then the aggressive behavior began. Ryan was the aggressor on every occasion (four, to be exact...so far) resulting in tears from his sister. The first incident was particularly bad: he bit Robin, hard, on the back of her arm. We ended up having to do first aid on that one. I sent him to his room with the stipulation that he was at risk of not being able to play with his beloved Jack if he didn't follow through on cleaning up his room, etc. He apologized to Robin, blah, blah...and did an excellent job of picking up his room...but there was more misbehavior to come. After the third incident, when Jack was here playing, I had to send him home and tell Ryan that he couldn't play anymore until he learned how to control his behavior. There was yet another incident after that. We've gone over the Golden Rule. We've gone over how saying "sorry" means "I won't do it again". (Of course, in his 6-year-old mind, he did something DIFFERENT each time, so he hadn't done the same thing again!) He is the sharpest, cutest little dude on the planet, but when he gets mad, look out!

Tomorrow is Grandma Judy's birthday. We have made a cake for her, and Robin is working on a gift. I hope to leave them with Judy for a bit tomorrow so I can get some things done for the Christmas Eve early dinner that we are having here on Thursday. I guess I didn't realize what a "planner" I am. It is to the point that I have to know things days in advance so I can plan everything to my own satisfaction. When did that happen??

This morning over breakfast, the children and I talked about what to do if I should get incapacitated when they are here visiting. We practiced using the phone. I posted my address and emergency phone numbers on the side of the refrigerator in case the children forgot, and also posted a list of what to do. First, call 9-1-1, and wait for the paramedics, then go to the neighbors for supervision until the other grandparents or their own parents can show up to take care of them. Robin was the driving force in the conversation. She had lots of questions! I was taking my pills at the time that we talked. Told the kids that I never used to take pills, but had many to ingest since the heart attack. Robin said, "I'm glad you're still alive." I said, "I am, too!" She came over and kissed me. A precious moment!

My friend "Big" Ryan came over this afternoon on his way to Target. While here, he delivered a HUGE poster of my grandchildren playing in the Florida surf just a year ago (today?), and brought gifts for the children. While he was here, he fixed the keyboard tray on the living room computer hutch, and helped me get a big computer chair out of what used to be Meg's bedroom. Don't know what I would do without my friends!

I mused today that it was a mere year ago that Meg, the children, and I were in Florida, watching the sun come up on the beach and feeding the greedy gulls. If you had told me then that, in twelve months, Megan would have given up custody of the children, been evicted from my house, and driven off into the sunset to California with a man she hardly knows, I would have called you a liar. No way! As the Allstate commercial goes...WAY! What a difference a year makes... There are other complications, but that is for another time and post.

The children are down. Ryan is in what he calls "the spare room"...(Meg's old room, and mine before that)...and Robin is on the couch. I allow this because I can! Quiet is good! I love my grandbabies!

Political Correctness

I got one of those heart-rending Christian "forwards" in my email box today, from a dear friend and former colleague, Ashwin. You know the type. They are the stories that seem like they could be true but are actually fiction, designed to inspire you to greater heights of faith. Or, some just make you cry. Many of them end with "Send this to five friends if you love Jesus. If you don't, just delete it." THAT kind! The one that Ashwin sent today wasn't as obnoxious as most. It actually had a message. I was really touched.

But you know, it wasn't the message that touched me. It was the sender. Ashwin is a naturalized American citizen of 20 or 30 years, having been born and raised in India. When he first came to America, he saw water coolers at the airport and had no clue what they were. He drove a taxi for awhile, then got his teaching credentials and became a teacher of science and high-level mathematics in Buffalo, NY, before coming to Indiana to teach. He was a well-respected "institution" at Monrovia High School for many years before he retired awhile back.

The interesting part is that Ashwin isn't Christian. He is Hindu. Someone sent that Christian "forward" to him. He could have taken offense, but he didn't. Instead, he forwarded the story to me (and others) because he knows that we ARE Christian, and in so doing, was wishing us the best for "our" faith and traditions. I honor him for that!

I have never once sent Ashwin a greeting for Hindu holy days or traditions. Why? Well...he doesn't exactly live in a country rife with information about Hindu culture/religion. And I, in my typical American elitist ignorance, know very little about his faith.

There are those who are big on "political correctness" in this great country of ours--mine and Ashwin's--and I am one of them; however, we could take a lesson from this quiet man. Respect for others sometimes means doing "as the Romans do". Thank you, Ashwin. It means a lot to me that you cared enough to send that message!

Kid Day

Yesterday, I met the grandchildren's stepmother in Castleton to make the "kid trade". Robin and Ryan are here...and I had forgotten how quickly a house could be trashed! At least they have their own "things" here and aren't as easily bored as I was when I visited family as a kid. They walk in and take right over!

Both came in snow boots. I had told Kendra that I had shoes here for both...and thought I did...but, as it turns out, I only had shoes for Robin. Ryan's old ones must have gone to Goodwill after the last visit, since he had largely outgrown them. SOOOoooo...we had to take a trip out to get some shoes. (And milk. How could I have let the Cereal Junkie come and not have stocked up on milk!) Man, Ryan's feet sure have grown!

Of course, the first thing the kids did was go over to see if Jack could play. Eventually, they ended up outside. Somehow, they got into Jack's neighbor's yard and Ryan stepped in dog poop, so I have those boots to clean up. Ugh! Had trouble getting the kids to sleep last night. Some things never change!

Megan and Denis are in New Orleans right now....she with a bad back, injured before they even left Indiana. Ryan told me this morning that he thought he had "stepped on a crack"...which means it is his fault!

We are going to the movies with Grandma Judy today. Always an expensive venture. I hope the children like it. (They enjoy the popcorn and goodies as much or more than the movie, usually.) Other than that, there is no plan. I'm sure the neighbor boy will be in on things before the day is over.

We had a dusting of snow overnight. Don't know what the rest of the week will bring, weatherwise. Guess the East Coast got socked. Better there than here!

Graduation Day

This morning, Megan called to say that she was waiting for Denis to turn in the keys to their apartment in Terre Haute, then were going to a graduation reception before ISU's mid-year Commencement. She apparently messed up her back and was very uncomfortable. It could be a long trip south and then westward!

I got busy cleaning up Robin's bedroom and organizing what used to be my bedroom (then Meg's). I wanted to get the Christmas gifts wrapped and finish painting the bathroom, but those didn't happen. My productivity is somewhat limited by my emotions, I guess. I don't much get moving until noon these days!

At 2:30, I left to run an errand and drive to Terre Haute to meet Meg and Denis for an early supper after Commencement. (I didn't go to the ceremony because they had several things going on, and I was somewhat intimidated by finding the right building and parking, etc.) I was snowing, but the roads were just dampl. We met at Lone Star Steakhouse at 4:00. Had an enjoyable supper. I gave Denis a "Congratulations" card with a couple of food gift cards for their trip. Then, as dark approached, we went our separate ways. I'm proud of myself: I only wept for a few seconds as we pulled out. It could have been a whole lot worse.

Of course, the "check engine" light came on in my car just east of Terre Haute and stayed on for the rest of the trip. It wasn't a battery light and the temperature gauge was fine, so I just came on home. It's a little problematic because I am supposed to meet the grandchildren in Castleton at 1:00 tomorrow afternoon for the kid trade. I do NOT want to be stranded on the road somewhere with my grandchildren in the car! We'll see how it goes.

As I approached Plainfield, I got a call on the radio from a ham who was asking for a Health and Welfare check on someone. It seems that the wife of one of my ham friend's co-workers was on the West Virginia Turnpike (I-64) on her way to North Carolina. At 4:00 AM, she texted her husband that traffic was stopped and she had spent the night in her vehicle...and she was anticipating yet another night stuck there. That was the last he heard from her, and he was frantic. (Poor cell phone coverage in the area.) HF radio reported up to two feet of snow there and that the Interstate was closed, but NOTHING on the Internet road condition sites indicated that there was anything going on. The Weather Channel on TV was focused on the NYC/DC/Boston area. Not much about WV at all. Finally, one of my friends (who is an absolute whiz at Internet searches) came up with a news website that had an article about the situation. Road closed Friday due to heavy snow and a couple of jack-knifed semis. People stranded. The National Guard was on it and the road was "slowly re-opening"...but there were a lot of honked-off motorists who say they weren't warned at the toll gates that there were problems ahead. One fellow abandoned his car and WALKED the eight miles to his home. The WV governor was declaring a state of emergency because over 200,000 were out of power. In any case, all of that took some time and much of my attention, so I didn't have time to think of how bad I feel about things. God provides!

Picking up my grandchildren tomorrow early afternoon. I can have them through the 24th. The Heffelman grandparents and I are planning things, but I try not to over-plan because I want the children to determine what they want to do. Time constraints are the only problem. We do what we can. I do so look forward to having the little skunks here!

Thanks

To those of you who have expressed concern over my well-being when I don't update this blog, thank you. I am still kicking!

Megan and I have a "don't ask, don't tell" relationship right now. As long as my questions don't breach her security signals, we are okay.

Megan and Denis came over from Terre Haute last evening to watch the Colts game. I will go there tomorrow for Denis's Master's Degree graduation...then they are leaving for California. It will be a big wrench. I have never gone through the holidays withought my daughter before. Neither have her children. She is walking away from us all. Although things are somewhat better, in terms of communication, I just ache for the children. They never had a voice. Ever.

I have invited my grandchildren and Nathan's family here for Christmas Eve Day dinner. We will get things figured out shortly. The children will be here from Sunday afternoon until late on Christmas Eve. At least I get to see them! Plans after that are somewhat sketchy. Probably will go to my sister's for a few days. Need to see my Aunt Rosie. (Shari, take note!)

I am about done with shopping. Anything I buy beyond now is just fluff!

God bless...

And So It Is...

I've had a busy few days. Megan decided on Thursday that she, her boyfriend, and the children would come here for their last visit before she moves. I grocery shopped and planned meals that day and cleaned on Friday. By the time everyone got here in the evening, I was plenty pooped. With them all here, however, I could pretend that the heartbreak of the last three months hadn't happened. (I'm good at denial!)

The children were obviously delighted to see their mother and Denis, and also happy to see presents for them under the tree. Although we had decided that Saturday morning would be "Christmas," Ryan wanted to open his presents on Friday night. He finally acquiesced to wait until morning, but he spent quite a bit of time rattling packages trying to figure out what was in them. (Shades of his mother!) We ate a late dinner (corned beef and cabbage--Robin's favorite), watched some Christmas things on TV, and went to bed somewhat late.

I was the first one up on Saturday...or thought I was. I was a little surprised to see Ryan resting on the couch. "What are you doing out here?" "I wanted to be up to open presents extra early." Of course, Robin was up only shortly after that. They patiently waited until almost 8:00 to get Megan and Denis up. Both Robin and Ryan got Nintendo DSs from their mother--expensive video game toys--and two games each to play on them. Megan gave me a webcam for my computer in order to stay in touch with everyone. I gave her/them a GPS for Meg's vehicle. (It amazes me that they had the silly thing on the vehicle and could operate it almost instantly. Thus it is with people raised in the Computer Age! They named the GPS "Linda". Hmmm...) One of Ryan's presents was a children's Bible--really just a book of Bible stories. He crawled up on Megan's lap and promptly started reading it to her! He's only in Kindergarten. We had no idea he could read so well!

During the rest of the day, we made cookies and painted crafty things. The children played with their neighbor friends for a couple of hours (which actually pre-empted the haircut that Ryan was going to get). We adjusted meals around the condition of the kitchen table at any given moment, with paints and cookies in various stages of production. The children played with their DSs, discovering how to play "chat room" with them. (The silly things can communicate with each other, somehow.) Denis helped Ryan figure out how to play one of the games that he got. And so it went.

Sunday, we had a big breakfast, did some more craft painting, and considered a movie (but rejected that because the day was fleeting). The original plan was for Meg to drop the children off with Nathan after the Colts game, but he called in the morning requesting an earlier time. Meg was in tears about that. They came up with a compromise--4:00 PM. We had a big dinner, then it was time to start rounding things up to send the children home.

The "rounding up" process is something that I have typically started fairly early in the day because things get spread out. It always takes longer than one would think! I gathered the children's presents and washed the clothes they came down in so they could go back with them. (I don't have many clothes for them here so am a bit reticent to send them to Muncie in their "Plainfield" clothes. It will all even out, in time.) I noticed that Ryan had arrived in a pair of red underwear on Friday, but I never found them in the wash. Same thing with socks. Hmmmm... I suspected that he was still wearing them on Sunday. Sure enough! He spent the whole weekend in the same pair of underwear and the same pair of socks, even overnight! Guess that's better than no underwear at all...but still! Is that a guy thing??? Megan had a little talk with him about changing his underclothes every day. That's what we get for letting him dress himself, I guess!

After Megan and Denis met Nathan in Castleton for the kid trade, they returned here to gather up their own things before leaving for Terre Haute. Meg installed the webcam on my computer and reprogrammed my TV remote which had stopped working last week. (I'm grateful for that!) We said our good-bye's...and that was it. It ended well...or as well as could be expected for me. I cried the rest of the evening, but that has become the norm these last three months.

I don't know what the future will bring or what the children are thinking, but I am happy that they seemed to have such a good time. They will be here next weekend for a few days before Christmas. By then, Megan will be heading for California with Denis. I guess I will go to my sister's for Christmas Day and thereafter. We'll see how things unfold.

A Chilly Chili Kind of Day

I was awake at 2:30 this morning, with no hope of going back to sleep. Worse, the TV remote wouldn't work and I don't know what to do to fix it! I was stuck with watching the Discovery Health channel, which is way too interesting to bore me back to Slumberland. Thus, I started the day with a sleep deficit and haven't been able to make it up.

When I went out to the patio in the wee hours, it was actually warm. After dawn, the winds came up and the temps went down. It has been absolutely brutal outside today! We have had snow squalls and snow flurries, but no accumulation...yet. Noonish, I decided to make a pot of chili. I ate three bowls and stored three refrigerator containers with leftovers. I guess I will get to eat for a couple more days!

Also noonish today, the power blinked, then went out. When it didn't come back on in a minute or two, I went to the car to retrieve my cell phone in order to call in the outage. (The only phones in the house are cordless. Power goes out; so do phones. Need to fix that!) Found my hand-held radio to keep in touch with the outside world. It seems that the outage was pretty widespread in Plainfield, and everyone's power came back on at the same time...about 15 minutes later. It has stayed on, thankyouverymuch. The winds are supposed to die down below "advisory" levels after 1:00 AM. We'll see. We have had wind gusts up to 60 MPH today.

I still don't know if I am having weekend company or not. Meg made noises like she and the kids would be here, but I have had no definitive answers. I would like a little planning time. Just don't know what to count on. It's not very fair!

I haven't accomplished much around the house today, slug that I am. Maybe tomorrow??

Here Comes Winter!

Hang onto your hats, folks. The winds are supposed to come on strong all day tomorrow, with snow to follow. The Indy area is only expecting an inch, but we saw how the last one inch snowfall went. It's raining heavily now. I expect my car to be royally frozen shut tomorrow. The temps are going to bottom out in the teens over the next few days. So now I start my winter whine: I hate cold!

I had lunch with Judy and Phil Heffelman today. (Thereafter, I stopped in at J. C. Penney's, looking for some sheets as Christmas presents, and ran into a nurse from cardiac rehab who was standing in line at the checkout. She asked how I was. I said, "I just had lunch with my former son-in-law's parents..." The woman behind her in line laughed out loud. She said, "I like that." I said, "It gets complicated...") ANYWAY, we had an enjoyable lunch and talked about some things that are pressing with me. When we left Applebee's, it was sleeting. Not a nice weather day! (Didn't find the proper sheets, btw.)

I brought the Christmas decorations in from the weather today and got the tree up, with lights and garlands on. I will put the "glam" on before the night is over, but my heart isn't in it. Decorating the Christmas tree has always been a family project for me, but there is no family here. I will scale that stuff down, but there are SO many years of handmade ornaments from my former-stepchildren and daughter, and SO many memories in all of those silly baubles. It's sad, really...but I have to remember that the tree isn't about family. It is about the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and NOTHING changes that!

I will be walking at the Rec Center tomorrow morning with my friend Phyllis if we both feel up to it...also weather permitting. I'm not fond of the exercise but really have to keep with it for my health. Just have to make it a habit...a discipline. The alternative isn't all that great!

Merry Christmas to me! The stainless flatware that I ordered for my set arrived today. I am pretty pleased with my online orders. For instance, I ordered my Clinique makeup base online a few days ago, promised to be shipped in 5-7 days, but it was on my doorstep two days later...same as last time. I like that! The Clinique stuff, btw, is WAY overpriced, but it is all that I have found that works for me these days. And so it goes... The stainless is good stuff. I'm glad it is still available.

I'm still looking for a frame for a picture that Robin did in art class earlier in the year. It is standard art-size paper, but NOT standard frame size: 12" x 18". I've looked and looked at the picture, hoping I could trim something off...but Robin was so proud of some things that she put close to the borders of the picture that I can't change a thing. Custom frames are too expensive...but maybe worth it? The picture is a water color wash with crayon resistance. She has a dolphin, a baleen whale, a clown fish, and a sea horse...very well done...with a treasure box with a lock and key at the very bottom. As her brother says, "Robin, you are an amazing artist!"

There is a possibility that the children and my daughter will be here this weekend for their Christmas before she moves. I don't count on anything until it actually happens, but there is much to do, in any case. Back to work here!

A Good Day to Be Retired!

Got up to about an inch of snow on the ground this morning. I immediately noticed that my neighbor had blown a path around my car and to the school bus stop. Don't know when he did that. He had to have been mere inches away from my bedroom window, but I never heard the blower! Weathermen weren't predicting much, so I think the DOT people were lulled into thinking everything would be fine. Apparently the morning commute was a bit of a nightmare with the snow freezing to the roadways, making them quite hazardous. Streets weren't pre-treated. Very few schools did any delays. Facebook this morning was littered with messages from my previous students indicating that buses couldn't get up the icy hills to their houses, etc. One young lady indicated that she was still stuck on a school bus, somewhere, "same as I've been for the last hour". Hmmm... Glad I didn't have to be up and out in it! One person was killed on Indy roads due to conditions. This was our first snowfall of the season. People forget how to drive on ice...and it doesn't help that the snow came down just before the rush. Time to wake up, everyone! It is winter in Indiana! Today's snow is gone...but stay tuned. More to come.



Heh heh...someone from J.C. Penney's called here yesterday for my daughter. (Meg gets her hair done there. They normally call just before an appointment.) I told the caller that Megan doesn't live here anymore and was about to offer her Megan's new phone number, but the woman was in such a hurry to get off the phone that I couldn't get a word in. "So sorry to have troubled you! " My best guess is that SOMEBODY forgot she was told by SOMEONE not to call here. Like it matters?? Silly...

Today is my sister's birthday. I won't say how old she is, but she was born on THE Pearl Harbor Day. She has been a treasure to me, through the years. We both have our challenges, but we are both Covill/Armstrong women, and there is an acceptance of what we went through as children (the Navy years) that helps us both understand where/who we are now, in a way that no one else gets. I love you, Shari! May you have many happy returns of the day!

Getting the rest of my week organized in my brain. Brain? I have a brain???? Cool!!

Sunday, Sunday...

Went to early church today. Phil and Judy (Nathan's parents) were later getting there than I, so we didn't get to sit together. Looks like one of Kathy Cherry's daughters just had a baby. There was a rose on the altar to commemorate that. (Kathy was a colleague of mine back at Hall Elementary School in the early days of my teaching in Indiana.) Also ran into Kathy in the parking lot as I was heading home. That's the problem with bigger churches: we have three worship services, and one doesn't always run into folks that attend different services. The last time I saw Kathy, Ryan and I were waiting for his school bus back in September. What a difference a few weeks make...

When I retired in May, Phil and Judy gave me a gorgeous planter that graced the doorway to my home all season. It had a spike, some ivy, and lots of very healthy pink geraniums which, until just this week, were still blooming. I brought the drooping planter in last night to take some cuttings before the geraniums got totally frozen. I took two cuttings from still-healthy looking parts of the plant, hoping that they will propagate through the winter, and the children can have them for Mother's Day or whatever occasion works in the spring. I love that about plants. My sister still has a ficas tree that was given as a planter when our father died. That was 15 years ago. It is almost too big for itself now, but it was a nice reminder of people who cared in a tough time. Hmmmm...maybe I should have taken MORE cuttings from the geraniums!

I brought the Christmas tree in today but haven't put it up yet. I thought about not doing it but decided that traditions are traditions, no matter what. My grandchildren will be here sometime, so even if I have to leave it up until Valentine's Day, it will happen!

Looks like I will need to change some legal things. Meg is leaving for California (and angry with me) so I have to find someone local who can take care of business should something happen to me. Still thinking on that. And thinking and thinking and thinking...

Oh! God bless the man, my neighbor across the street (whom I mentioned in the last post) has agreed to blow snow for me this winter...for free! I won't let that happen, of course, but I am just so grateful for the help. He and his wife have a key to my house, and I have a key to theirs. Everyone should have neighbors like them!

My grandchildren went to church today for the Rite of Catecumin...which is preparation for baptism. They are Catholic now and never baptized as babies. I asked their stepmother to keep me in the loop. Would like to be there for their baptism. I love my grandbabies and miss them terribly!

Heh heh...I've been watching a TV show called Hoarders. It's about people who hoard things due to mental issues, but it really helps me get a handle on what I am keeping, and why. When Meg and I first moved into this little bungalow, we didn't have much. Then things were acquired. THEN, we incorporated two households into this one, and organizing became a big issue. I have given away a LOT of stuff over the last few years, but the job still isn't done. I don't need a shovel to get rid of things, thankfully, but I'm ready for a home makeover. TLC, take me away!

A Doolittle Day

I haven't been worth a plug nickel today. The sun shone, but 'twas cold and not going to get any better in the next few days. Am I ready for winter? NO! The only benefit to this season over winters past is that I don't have to worry about getting up and out in the dark to go to school. I am aware, however, that the neighbor boy has to meet the bus close to 8:00 AM on my property, and I need to be somewhat more vigilant about shoveling the sidewalk for Jack and the parent/grandparent who waits with him for the bus to arrive. Maybe I'll arrange for Neighbor Fred to snow-blow for me. Might be worth a few bucks. Fred is no spring chicken, but he does a helluva job on his lawn in the mowing season, and his property in the blowing season. Guess I'll ask.

The HCARS Christmas dinner on Thursday was nice, but I didn't get to visit with everyone...and my belly blew up mid-meal. I was uncomfortable and left as soon as I could. (I think my meds are responsible. This has been going on for awhile.) In any case, I look forward to being a bit more active in the club. When Megan and the children moved in, my activity went down dramatically. Now that is all changed. I am relying on my motivation to dictate how much and when I can return to my own decision of activity.

God has given me a load of crap to deal with this fall. If it is true that He doesn't give us any more than we can handle, I must be Superwoman! It has aged me considerably. Still, all that I have and all that I am is by the grace of God. Only He can tell how the rest of my life will go. I certainly have no control over any of it!

Getting through Christmas will be tough. I've done this before. I can do it again. It ain't pretty, but it will happen. I miss my mommy!

Snow Flurries Today. Yuck!

Got up to cold temps this morning. Noticed some flurries in the air. Here comes winter, much to my dismay!

My friend Phyllis and I met at Plainfield's Rec Center this morning to walk some laps together. I am a new member. She has belonged for several years. There are lots of machines to use, most of which have to do with strength training. I am going more for endurance and cardiac benefits. In any case, we walked almost one-and-a-half miles before I decided I needed to stop. If we can keep up a schedule, this should be very good for me. Judging by the way I felt when we stopped, I got more of a workout today than when in rehab. Hope that's not a bad thing.

My daughter called last evening in distress. She wanted the number of our AAA membership. I asked if she was having trouble and where she was. She had a flat tire and was somewhere in Tennessee, on her way home from Florda! I had no clue. She is so totally sure that I am a bad guy in her life that it must have been difficult for her to call for my help. I gave her the number and called later to see how she was doing. At that time, she was in a Walmart, waiting for the job to be done...and, at my request, she DID call me when she got safely back to Terre Haute, so I could sleep. It wasn't a very good night to be on the road anywhere.

Getting ready for Christmas this year doesn't hold much fascination for me. I'm doing the best I can, under the circumstances. I have some shopping done, but no decorating yet. My radio club's Christmas dinner is tonight. When I get back from that, I will try to do some decorating. The operative word is TRY.

Blessings.

Welcome Sunshine!

Today, God blessed us with His sunshine! It was a most welcome blessing. I forced myself to stay up late last night, so slept to a reasonable hour this morning. Got up to daylight and warmth. I love that!

My pension benefits finally kicked in today, so I had money for a change. Spent the morning hours paying bills online, then got my act together to run errands. Went to the drug store for prescription renewal, the bank, Walmart to shop for the Angel Tree assignment from church and to pick up needed items for home (to the tune of almost $100!!). Gassed the car. Sent a check off to a friend to supply her one-year-old with a birthday cake...and gathered things to send to my daughter. She isn't answering emails, so I'm just sending stuff off.

I called to talk to my grandchildren this evening. Ryan was under the impression that they would be with me "in two weeks" with Mommy before she moves to California. Mommy has decided otherwise, so all I could tell them was that I would see them by Christmas...whenever. Robin asked if she had even seen me in November. I reminded her about Ryan's birthday. They miss me as much as I miss them, I think! Check that. They couldn't POSSIBLY miss me as much as I miss them!!!

I should have spent a lot of time outside today because the weather is supposed to go south in the next day or so. I did take Christmas stuff out of the minibarn. Now have to decide if I actually want to put it all up. If the grandchildren can come soon, we'll git 'er done.

Merry Christmas to me! Today, I ordered some pieces for my stainless flatware. Thought I had it all, but when Meg took hers that I bought for her a few years ago, I realized that I didn't have everything for mine. I have offered to have a family Christmas dinner here this year. With the new flatware pieces, it should all work out.

Every day is a new day. Tomorrow, I will see a friend and take him out to lunch. (He has done so much for me through the years!) Beyond that, I still have a to-do list. Life goes on.

And so it is.

Let's See...Where Was I?

I departed for my sister's in Illinois, near Springfield, on Wednesday last. I decided to have the oil changed in my car before I left, so I got a later start than hoped, but the oil change was long overdue. Just as I pulled out of the Car X place, I noticed that my sister had called my cell. She had taken her hubby to PromptMed for an ear problem and was hoping that we wouldn't miss each other. Nope! I told her I would be there by 3:00, Illinois time. I was actually in their drive two minutes early!

I had minor rain for the whole trip. No biggie...but what I also had was major police patrols! More in IL than in IN...but I bet I saw a police car at least every 25 miles. One dude was actually standing outside his cruiser holding a radar gun pointed at traffic!

My sister and husband had remodeled their kitchen...mostly just new appliances. It was all lovely, of course. We did some Thanksgiving preparations...cutting cheese blocks, chopping onions and celery for stuffing, etc....but mostly just talked and visited. Dakota, the Siberian husky pup, was in doggy day care until Saturday. It was all good.

Thanksgiving morning, I was up earlier than they (due to time difference), so we just vegged until time to start meal prep. It is our family's tradition to put out major hors d'oevres instead of a noon meal: crackers and cheeses; shrimp and cocktail sauce; chips and dips (almost always California Onion Dip, among others; taco chips and homemade salsa, etc. I ate the dickens out of the stuff but couldn't even make a dent in the shrimp or cheeses or chips and dips!

When everyone began to arrive, the house came alive. All of Shari's children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren (except for Laurie's tribe, due to husband Danny's illness) showed up. We ate very well. Shari read Popo's Grace from the framed cross-stitch on the wall. It was special. (Popo was our grandfather. I put his traditional family grace in cross stitch just afer he died in 1985.) After dinner, games were played and it was a fun day. The children were good as gold--all boy-children: Nicky, Tyler, Carson, Cooper. Ryan would have loved playing with them. Poor Robin would have been the only girl-child in the lot...but she wasn't there...

On Friday, we attended a fund-raising event at the State Fairgrounds...Festival of Trees. Different businesses decorate trees based on themes...then other businesses bid on them for their establishments, to benefit a locaql hospital There is entertainment, crafts for children, a train ride around the grounds, etc. Shari's whole family showed up. I had been there a couple of times before...once with my grandchildren. It was a good day.

Saturday, I had thought that we could take a trip to Jacksonville to find the grave of an ancestor who had been a resident of the Jacksonville State Hospital for the Insane and had died and been buried there. I got on the Internet to do some research to determine what we would be looking for. After awhile, I came to the conclusion that there was probably no marker on his grave, so we scrapped the trip.

Yesterday, Sunday, we had a homemade (delicious) brunch with the family that wasn't there for Thanksgiving. Shortly thereafter, it was time for me to leave in order to get home before dark. Well...I miscalculated "dark" in Indiana. Left Shari's at 1:30 IN time...didn't get back by dark. Meantime, I had stopped to get gas near Springfield before departure. The gas pump wouldn't accept my card. Went inside...still no acceptance. Huh?? Fortunately, I had enough cash to get by. When I finally got home through some major rain, I hit up my bank website. There was plenty of money in the account. Apparently the gas station's scanners had a problem. Will always carry cash from now on!!

All was well at home. Just needed some recovery time. Have done some of that today, too. Guess I won't be seeing my grandchildren on the weekend of the 11th with Megan. She is making her own plans. Don't know when/if I will ever get to see my daughter again. She is in control.

Thanksgiving down. Christmas to go.

Happy Thanksgiving

The cares of the world step aside for this day. No one is allowed to have regrets. It's all about thanking God for his blessings. I have many.

Thank you, God, for my little house. I fought hard to keep it, through bankruptcy and foreclosure...forbearance payments. It's all good. I still have a roof over my head. It ain't much, baby, but it's all I've got!

Thank you, God, for my family. I don't understand my daughter right now, and she has shut me out of her life, which is typical of how she handles things, but I still love her. Even more, thank you for the gift of my grandchildren who have been the lights of my life. My sister, God bless her, has been my cheerleader and friend. I thank You for her, her husband, and her children.

Thank you, God, for my friends. Dear Lord, what would I have done without my friends??!! Judy and Phil, Ryan and Bonnie, Mike B., Mike W., Jenny, Phyllis, Cal, Major Pat, Adam, Bill, Fred and Sharon, Harold and Joann, the nurses at rehab, the Daves, John, and others who have buoyed me up when I have sagged. May God bless you all for your help and faithfulness!

Thank you, God for rescuing me, once again, from a life-threatening health situation. The ruptured brain aneurysm was Divine Intervention. The heart attack was another indication that You cared. I'm not sure why I have been spared, considering the circumstances...but I am grateful. The future is up to the Almighty. I am doing the best I can to listen.

This holiday isn't about turkey. It's about the sacrifices that our forefathers made in order to establish this great country, and giving thanks to God for how it all happened. As we are given, so should we give. I'm doing the best I can. For those who pray, please pray for me and my family, as I will pray that God continues to bless you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Plumber

I have been using the same plumbing company out of Mooresville, IN, for a number of years. Why? Because they are more reasonably priced than most...and that matters to me. It's kind of funny, though. I end up having to call them about every two-three years to root out my sewer (due to tree roots), and we are pretty much on a first-name basis. When they pulled up today, I said, "We've got to stop meeting like this." The head dude said, "How long has it been?" I said, "Just about normal." He went right to the sewer cleanout and got to work. No other questions needed. Everything seems to be flowing nicely now, but the mess still isn't cleaned up. (I'll get to it later. Ugh!)

I am now officially "graduated" from cardiac rehab. The whole 12-week experience, while hitting at a particularly horrible time in my life, has been a huge and positive learning curve for me. I can't say enough nice things about the RNs there! And now, the charge is for me to carry on what has been started: the weight loss, the exercise, monitoring blood pressure, etc. (Yes, I do have a BP machine. The RNs helped me learn how to use it.) I believe my sister and bro-in-law still have a treadmill which I intend to use when I am there for Thanksgiving; then after the holiday, will have to MAKE myself use the membership to Plainfield's Rec Center that I just acquired, at least three times a week. Five is better. It's a discipline...like getting up on Sunday to go to church. Just do it!

Tomorrow will be a day to get a few things done: oil change, laundry, shopping for a few food items for Thanksgiving, and lunch with a friend. I put together a garbage bag of grandson Ryan's outgrown clothes to take to my grand-niece who has three little boys...and a couple of brand new electric blankets that she says she will take. Also packing a bunch of my sister's canning jars, and a special present that I bought last June. (Have to get help getting it in the car. It's heavy!) Not saying what it is because she reads this blog!

Every time I feel down, I get online to watch Oprah's Flash Mob Dance. What a treat! Those folks knew they pulled off something fantastic. Wish I could have been there, but I enjoy watching it on video because I can see so much more than I could have had I been part of the mob.

Can't wait to see my grandbabies again. I miss them so much!!

But Wait! There's More!

In the "Why Me?" category, the toilet is back in my news today. Or rather, toiletS. Wasn't very ambitious after church today, so I decided to get the laundry caught up in preparation for the upcoming holiday. Did a load of towels. Then noticed that the bathroom rug was wet. Hmmm... A little investigation showed that the toilet had overflowed. Checked the back bathroom commode. It, too, had overflowed...and stuff had come up in the bathtub. Not good! the plumber is called for an appearance tomorrow, but everything has come to a roaring halt. There won't be any more laundry or flushing done today! Can't even wash the bathroom rugs... now I have to get inspired to change clothes and go clean up the messes. Ugh! I was going to get a long-overdue oil change for my car tomorrow, but now will be awaiting the plumber...

The service at church today was pretty much all Scripture and music--Christ the King Day. End of the liturgical calendar. The opening number was a gorgeous song played with a drum and two bagpipes, with a Power Point presentation on the projection screen, "Who Do You Say I Am?" It absolutely knocked my socks off. So powerful!

Colts remain undefeated. Yay!

Yesterday's Post

Bulldogs W.
Sorry, but try as I might, I could't find the way to delete that or edit it! Somehow, it was "published" without benefit of correction.

What I was TRYING to convey was that my former school's football team had just beaten Paoli in the semi-state game held here in Plainfield. Bulldogs Win! The unbeaten Monrovia Bulldogs are going to state! They will play Friday at the Colts' very own, brand new Lucas Oil Stadium. Too bad I can't be there! This is the first time in the history of the school that the team is in state competition. What a great year these kids have had! The seniors are having an experience that they will remember for the rest of their lives. Just as sweet, Monrovia's band, the Bulldog Brigade, has also had a winning year. They ALSO went to state competition and get to perform their award-winning program at the stadium during halftime. I love this for them! Good luck, Monrovia Bulldogs and Bulldog Brigade! I love you guys!

One of my friends took me to Five Guys for a burger lunch today. Had never heard of it before he mentioned it a few weeks ago. This place just opened but is all the rage. The place was packed! The burger was good, even if I'm not supposed to have things like that. I did turn down the fries, although I love them. It's a sacrifice! He also relieved me of old computer equipment that has been taking up space in my bedroom for well over a year. He may find that he just needs to pitch it!!

Here's an interesting situation: since the stuff hit with my daughter, I have been unable to sleep, and eating has been spotty. After an incident on Tuesday when I saw the real lay of the land with her, something clicked in my brain. I have slept soundly every night since! The "interesting" part of things is that, even though I wasn't sleeping before, I also wasn't tired during the days. Although I have had three nights of decent sleep, I found myself needing a nap today. Go figure! My appetite is back. That's not necessarily a good thing...

I joined Plainfield's Recreation Center yesterday. Cardiac rehab is about to end, and I know that I need to take up the slack somehow because I'm not the kind of person who will brave the cold weather in order to exercise. Thankfully, my best girlfriend is also going to join, so we will walk and cackle on a daily basis, I hope! Rehab has been a good thing. I've learned a lot about my heart and BP through it all. BP is always way down after exercise. Wish they could bottle the stuff that makes that happen!! My heart rate takes a bit longer to go down after exercise. That troubles me a bit, but my heart rate has always been high...even when I was a "fit" kid, back in the days... After Thanksgiving, Phyl and I will walk and talk. God willing.

And in the TMI range, I went to Menard's in Camby today to buy a toilet seat. Why, you might ask? Well...the last one was painted wood. (I hate those.) With a little guy in the house moving the seat up and down, there were chips in the paint, and I never could get the seat to stay centered. It moved when the occupant moved. More than once, it pinched my ample leg between the seat and the porcelain. Actually got a "strawberry" mark on my leg one time. Yuck! Then recently--something I've never seen before--one of the little plastic pads that helps keep the seat from connecting on the porcelain just wasn't there. Where did it go? I have no clue! Must have been flushed! Okay...so, for the first time in my life, I bought a $28 toilet seat. Stay tuned to see if it works out! Too Much Information!

I miss my grandbabies! I still deal with their rooms and their clothing every day. Still plan for activities when they are here. I asked to have them this weekend, but both were home sick from school (and asleep when I called)...and Robbie had a birthday party to attend, if well enough. Will have to come up with a plan for future visits so they can see their friends and know that this house will always be theirs, as long as I live. Don't know what to do with Megan's room. Move Robin in there? Move ME in there? Decisions, decisions...

Life moves on. Church tomorrow. Need more clothes!

Bulldogs W

Messed Up

Didn't get all of yesterday's goals accomplished today, but I did keep on keepin' on.

I am to be "sprung" from cardiac rehab next week, which means that I need to take up the slack on my own. Went to the Plainfield Rec Center (again) to buy a membership. Need only now to make myself do the walk!

Nathan's father went through hell on his way back from delivering Grandma Judy to her sister's and daughter's for a visit in the south. I didn't add it all up, but I think it came to well over $1,000. Ugh!

I can hear cheering from my patio this evening. Monrovia's Bulldogs meet Paoli tonight at Plainfield for semi-state...for the first time in the history of Monrovia. Their band will play at half-time. I should be there! I'm just not... Go Bulldogs!!!

Thanksgiving approaches. I wish things were different, but they aren't...so I will drive to Illinois and contribute what I can to the feast. I will miss my grandbabies, but I'm not invited to their Thanksgiving. New realities. New times.

I think, after Tuesday's events, that I have turned a corner. My appetite is back. I have slept the last two nights. My acceptance of things is "only God can make a tree". I can't make sense of things in my life, but I am beginning to accept that I am not the one in control. Neither is the one who thinks she is!

Good night!

So I Failed!

I did wake up to forced spiritual thoughts. "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Then I turned my attention to the errands I had been putting off. Picked up my meds at the pharmacy, got some new lipstick (hey...it can be a big deal!), called for a haircut appointment, went to the Plainfield Rec Center to buy a membership. Um...well...my driver's license wasn't enough to get me "resident" senior rates at the Rec Center...so I went home to gather the bills to fix that. In the meantime, my haircut appointment occurred. Then met friend Adam for supper.

So I completed my daily goals EXCEPT I didn't do anything around the house. Wait! Does loading the dishwasher count? Maybe I actually succeeded????

Tomorrow, I will seek to get the car's oil changed, call Social Security about getting a chunk of my ex's benefits (although it won't reduce his, nor will he even know...unless he is reading this!!).

I called my grandchildren's stepmother about having the kids this weekend. It seems that Robin has a birthday party to go to, but both were home, sick, when I called...both asleep. :( Will try again after Thanksgiving.

Got a letter from the teacher's pension place indicating that my benefits should show up on December 1st "within ten days". I am hoping that direct deposit will make that immediate. Have been trying to exist on SS alone. Had to borrow some $$ to get through. When it all shows up, I will be in good shape...except for the zillions of $$ of medical expenses. Ugh!

Sent Megan an unanswered email about a check that arrived here for her...for a textbook rental refund from Plainfield schools that **I** applied for. When will I give it up??

Thanksgiving approaches. The feast means nothing without family. I will miss my daughter and grandchildren, but I will be welcomed into my family roots. Meg and Denis could be there, too, but they choose not to be. No big surprise. They are missing a huge opportunity to be part of a family. I can't fix it.

My goals for tomorrow: oil change for the car, SS call, another call to a gal in charge of my 403B account...nothing fun! Have to shift gears to find Christmas decorations...for the children. I want to keep things somewhat normal for them. They deserve so much more than what they got!

A New Day

I have decided that, in order to get through each day, I need to focus on things that I can change...and I'm starting with my spirituality. Every day, I will attend to one Bible verse; complete at least one errand that I have been putting off; complete at least one home task that has needed doing; and reach out to someone who is in pain. Something clicked in my brain yesterday. The mindless hurting is over, even if I can only WILL it so.

What clicked? I'm not sure. I had an "incident" yesterday with my daughter that made things pretty clear to me. It's over now. I am acutely aware that the two months of stress I've been under is destroying my heart and health. Time to get over it.

The good news:
A. The biopsies of the "thingies" that I had removed a month ago have come back as "normal".
B. I am to be "graduated" from cardiac rehab next week. That doesn't mean that I am well. It only means that I've been through 12 weeks of monitored rehab and now need to take responsibility for exercise myself. I am joining the Plainfield Rec Center and will now have to force myself to get there daily. My BP is always lower after exercise. Go figure!

I can't say enough good things about the nurses at the Rehab Center. They have been supportive, sympathetic, attentive, and just all-around good people. I will have to do something nice for them before I leave.

The one "funny" for the day: In rehab, we were using elastic bands for resistance exercises. The nurse leading us said, "Bring the band up to your belly or your chest, whichever comes first." I accused her of making an old-lady joke and told her I'd get even! (I was the only woman in the group.) Bah! Humbug!

:)

Revelation

Was in bed a few minutes ago...feeling bad and wondering when life would be better again...and had a moment of epiphany. Remembering my father, who (so long ago) endured untold torture to get through Mom's death, a broken hip, a replaced knee, and (finally) throat cancer and congestive heart failure in a short span of only a few years. He never complained, God bless him...but he suffered as I am suffering now. His children gave as we could without ever really understanding what he must have gone through. I get it now, Dad. I'm sorry I didn't understand then.

Mind Tricks

I don't know why weekends and mornings are so bad for me. Yesterday (Sunday) I was waiting for my family to get up...then realized that my family isn't here. It reminded me of the times, so long ago, that I would be walking down the aisles of a grocery store looking for things and thinking, "I need to call Dad for that recipe"...then realizing that Dad was gone. Or the times that the phone would ring and I would pick up, expecting to hear my mother on the other end...only to hear a dial-tone. My mother had passed on a few weeks before.

Life isn't reality. Life is perception of reality. When the perception is wrong, it hurts.

This holiday season isn't going to be great. I will go to my sister's for the Thanksgiving holiday. Christmas, however, is still up for grabs. This will be the first Christmas in thirty years that I will not be with my daughter...the focus of most of my adult life. She is moving to California with her boyfriend. Selfishly, I wonder what is to become of me without her. Guess I'll have to figure it out soon, won't I?

Went to lunch today with friend Bill and his cousin. Skipped rehab because I needed a nap. I'm not sleeping at night. Ironic, isn't it, that when I was a working lady, I used to dream about the ability to sleep in...and now that I am retired and COULD sleep in, I am awake from 2:30 AM on? Life isn't fair!

Thank you to all who read this and care about me. I am still in a reclusive mood. I resent those who tell me what to do to feel better. They care, but they don't get it. I am working on this the absolute best I can. I will never, ever, be the same...but I'm not dead yet.

Another Lovely Day

Yesterday (Friday) I took my blind friend, Bill, out to get a birthday card and present for his wife. He buried his mother on Thursday. Friday (today) was his wife's 50th birthday. What a pickle to be in! After he got his card and present, we went to Walmart to buy booze. Why? All of his family was in town for the funeral!

I was reminded of the times when my family gathered for funerals. Since the farmhouse only had two bedrooms, the rest of us spent one or two nights in a motel (Town and Country in Streator, IL). We saw our cousins and spouses so rarely that we congregated in the motel lounge at the end of the ceremonies to visit and catch up. The same funeral home in Streator has buried my entire family...both grandparents, mother, father, toddler sister, two uncles, one aunt, brother...not to mention the generations before.

Megan came by yesterday afternoon. I'm not totally sure why she was in town and not at work, but she ate some lunch that she had imported and took some of her things that I was cleaning out. (There is a lot!!) Then left for work. She is leaving for California with her boyfriend just before Christmas. Apparently they have marriage plans somewhere down the road. I didn't have the heart to ask if "they" want a family. I don't want to know the answer to that after what has transpired here...

I am not sleeping well. I'm not napping, so that isn't the problem. Past midnight, I wake up and look at the clock every hour or two. I leave the TV on all night, for company. Don't know if that's the problem, or what. This has been going on for awhile. Medicine related? Emotional instability? Will be looking into county services for depressed seniors. So far, I haven't found anything...

The Fort Wayne (IN) Hamfest was today and tomorrow. I didn't go. Have no money to squander and no radio "needs"...and didn't really want to make nice-nice with people who seem hell-bent on telling me what to do to feel better. Still, I wish I had gone, if for no reason than for the distraction for a few hours. It's a 3-hour trip up there and 3 hours back. Ugh!

For some reason, mornings are hell for me. All of my hurt feelings emerge in the early part of the day. Tomorrow is another day.

Drama?

My daughter will tell you that my feelings represent "drama". Interesting. I don't think I have ever had my feelings so dismissed before. If it works for her, so be it.

Veteran's Day always represents emotions for me. My entire family--father, brother, aunt, uncle--were veterans in the service of our country. All but Aunt Rosie are now deceased. Rose Anne Armstrong McPherson, I am thinking of you this day!

Went to the visitation of my friend's mother this afternoon after my cardiac rehab. After a three year battle with cancer, she is at peace. I think her family is, too. Their long vigil is over. She had her family around her. No one could ask for more.

Time for bed, although early. As usual, I didn't sleep last night so feel tired early. Wish this cycle would end!

Ciao.

Dealing With the Truth?

I have my days and nights mixed up. I fall asleep early, then wake up at ungodly hours of the wee morning, unable to go back to sleep. I stay in bed and continue to try to drop back off, but am often unsuccessful until almost time to get up. THEN I fall asleep for a couple of hours. And, of course, because I was up so early, I am tired and fall asleep early...and the whole cycle starts over again. I am, unfortunately, intimately familiar with late-night television programming...and it ain't good!

The mother of one of my good friends has died. I will be going to the visitation tomorrow evening. Haven't decided about the actual funeral. Don't know how well I can handle it. Bill (my friend) and two of his four siblings are blind, due to an inherited condition known as retinitis pigmentosa. In spite of that, they have all taken turns staying with their mother at the end of her long illness, at home. Mercifully, she died in her sleep. God bless them all for their faithfulness to her.

I have done a load of dishes today and three loads of laundry, so far. (Only one load left.) Since the temperature outside has been okay, I should have been outside raking leaves, but since they are still coming down, it seems futile. My productivity is somewhat down recently, but I try to keep situations under control, one step at a time.

My big issue these days is depression. I did so look forward to retirement. Less stress. More time to get things done. Then there was the heart attack on August 1st. I understood the risks and I understood the needed changes in lifestyle. What I didn't understand was the depression that would follow. When the HA happened, there was a feeling of helplessness. Lying on the gurney in the ambulance, I was aware that my heart was doing weird things and I had absolutely no control over it. I spent four days in the hospital, totally at everyone's mercy. Two of those days only happened because my heartbeat was so stable by the time I got there that hospital personnel saw no need to call someone in to do the angiogram/stent. I was lucky?

Two years before, I had a ruptured brain aneurysm. Coming out of that without disability was "lucky". I felt blessed. After the heart attack, however, I felt cursed. I was suddenly strapped to six pills a day...cardiac rehab...no salt...no fat... What was I to eat? Processed foods are supposedly out. Whatever. No one ever explained to me that there would be depression about getting old and sick after so many years of so much activity. But I still had my family to do for...my daughter and my grandchildren gave me purpose. Then all of that suddenly ended. At the end of September, custody of my grandchildren was given to their father...and now my daughter is moving to California. Thirty years of faithfulness to her and seven years of faithfulness to my grandchildren has been rewarded with loneliness.

You know what is unfair about all of this (aside from the obvious)? ALL of my life, I have lived with what I would describe as "no regrets". I have always given the best I had to everyone I loved so that I wouldn't die thinking I could have done better. I did the best I could...more than the best I could...and now face the ultimate end alone. My daughter won't talk to me...hides from me online...so she can do what she does without having to deal with me. It's pretty difficult to think about the holidays for the children....and me.

When Megan showed up unannounced on my doorstep with the kids, never to return to her marriage, I did what I had to do. I wept because I knew how much the children loved their yard in Muncie, but we made do. We spent tens of thousands of dollars to make the house acceptable for the children and our circumstances. Everything was going well until the emergence of Meg's relationship with Denis. She denies it, but I watched it all transpire.

So what is the purpose of doing too much so there will be no regrets? Doesn't matter now. I am trying to deal with the truth, even though I hate it. I can't change it or fix it. All I want out of life right now is one day...ONE day...without tears.

I pray to God that my grandchildren will someday come to understand why their mother chose to give them up. I never will.

Time for an Update?

On Friday, I met my grandchildren's stepmother in Castleton (Indy's northeast side) at Trader Joe's at 1:30 PM to make a kid trade. Apparently they didn't have school that day. When we arrived back home, we had decided to surprise the neighbor friend, Jack, at the school bus an hour later. The bus arrived, but Jack didn't get off! That could only mean that Jack didn't go to school... That threw things into a bit of a tizzy. Turns out, Jack wasn't really sick...just kind of malingering...so the kids got to play with him outside in the leaves while his mother raked until dark.

The children and I went to Deals, which is what? Five minutes from home?? Suddenly Ryan had a bathroom emergency...then so did Robin. We had to ask a worker for restroom instructions...in the employee storeroom, dirty and dark...but we got the job done.

Robin got a bath. Ryan was instructed to get jammies on. By the time I got both to bed on Friday, it was easily 10:00 or shortly thereafter. Bless them, they both went right to sleep. No begging to sleep with Grandma or to watch TV.

Saturday was to be a special day for Ryan. We--his family on this side--were celebrating his 6th birthday early since he would be gone on his real birthdate next weekend. I was up quite early, but so were the children! After giving them breakfast, I washed the kitchen floor, chose their outfits, took a shower, and waited for Megan and her boyfriend to arrive.

The plan for the day was to take the children, plus the neighbor friends, to Monster Mini Golf in Avon, then have the neighbor kids' grandpa pick up his grandchildren so we could go to Olive Garden for supper with the Heffelman grandparents, then meet at my house for cake, ice cream, and presents. (Actually, the neighbor kids [5 and 9], were invited to the whole day, but their mother told me they didn't do well in restaurants because they are picky eaters, etc.)

But first, back to Deals...this time to pick up balloons. We got four...one that Ryan specially pickedf out...and three more that Robin decided were good for her and the neighbor children. Okay...but since it was windy, I took control of the balloons before we left the store. Ugh!! The exact balloon that Ryan declared was to be his got yanked off the string by the wind. It sailed off into the blue. Nothing to do but go back to the store to buy another. Ugh!

My grandchildren got bored by about the 15th hole of the 18-hole golf course. Little Grace never did get into it. We decided to leave early. While we waited for Jack and Grace's grandpa to arrive, the kids played arcade games. Ryan and Jack were playing air hockey...and the next thing I knew, little Grace was crying, "I want to go home!" I thought she had gotten hurt. More likely, the boys wouldn't let her play. Thankfully, their grandfather showed up that instant and she settled down. The rest of us retired to Olive Garden.

Ryan loves Olive Garden which is why we chose that as his birthday dinner place. Could have been cheaper elsewhere, but he's my only grandson and deserves what he loves! Megan, Denis, Robin, Ryan, and me were in attendance. Grandma Judy and Grandpa Phil showed up shortly thereafter...then Uncle Dan. We had a nice visit, then retired to my house for cake and presents. (The neighbor children came over for that.)

Ryan tore into his presents. Gone are the days of playing with each one as it is opened! Jack kept saying, "Let me help you. Oh...I have that. I have that one, too." Blah, blah. And as soon as everything was opened, Ryan was playing with his new toys. Jack complained that he wanted to go home because Ryan wasn't playing with him. I sent him and his sister back to their house (right next door) since the time for Megan and Denis to take the children to Terre Haute for an overnight.

Megan brought the children back here a little after 1:00 PM on Sunday. Apparently they had been to a play park...and apparently Robin had been bored with the "play" between Denis and Ryan. Here, they played a little bit with Jack, but when he went inside, it was clearly time for us to prepare for our trip to the northeast side to meet their father.

When we got to the "north split", there were signs saying that there was a "load spill" and that the right two lanes were closed. Things started to slow down as we got near. I called Nathan at 4:00 saying that we were tied up. He was still 25 miles out of town. As we soon got past the overturned semi, we made good time and pulled in at Trader Joe's right behind Nathan. (When I got to the same location on the opposite-bound road, the semi was still on its side...but the backup went clear to Harding Street. Whew! )

This weekend, Megan announced to her children that she is moving to California with Denis just before Christmas. I was only apprised a couple of days earlier. Apparently, she is totally okay with leaving us all behind...being a mother by web cam, letter, and phone call. She doesn't talk to me because she doesn't want to deal with my feelings. She speaks eloquently about how this is "best for the children" and "best for [me]"...but she didn't consult any of us before she made her unilateral decisions. She says it has nothing to do with her relationship with Denis...which is total nonsense. I was here and watched the progression. I am coming to deal with the holidays sans my daughter, for the first time in 30 years. She'll figure out her own life, as she wants it. All I have done for her and with her is collateral damage. I'm scared to fall asleep at night for fear I won't wake up and no one will be here to find me. I can't fix it. I never believed, in my wildest dreams, that I would be so alone in life after working so hard for my daughter and grandchildren. As my brother-in-law says, "That's what having kids does to you." I always wanted to believe HIS kids did this. Guess what?? (You get the picture.)

I think my little Ryan had a good pseudo-birthday. He now considers himself Catholic. God bless my grandchildren. They didn't deserve what they got...

I Want My Mommy!

So many things to do... So many decisions to make... I'm doing the best I can.

My grandchildren will be here tomorrow afternoon. I miss them so much! I was in Robin's room this afternoon, putting away some clothing, and totally lost it. My reaction actually kind of surprised me. I thought I was so much more healed. So many changes, so soon and without warning... I make no apologies for my tears. I'm not over this yet...

Every day is a new experience. I worked on the living room yesterday, putting things in place where they were before I adopted Meg and Nathan's dog...who is now over the Raibow Bridge. I put the children's bedrooms together. Still haven't finished painting the bathroom, but no one will be here long enough to care.

I finally finalized the weekend's plans. Ryan's birthday deal. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it isn't because I haven't tried! God bless my little dude. He deserves more than he got.

Nightie. I still have things to do!

Busy

Busy in my brain, perhaps...but don't have a lot to show for my day. Have cleaned some. Picked up blind friend Bill from his work site, had lunch, and took him home. His mother is dying of lung cancer. He and his family are having to make hospice decisions now. So very sad...

I have the opportunity to acquire updated kitchen appliances from my sister. She and her husband have remodeled their kitchen (although I'm not sure why because it was already gorgeous). Everything they have to give away is an upgrade from what I have. All I need to figure out is how to go to Illinois to get them! Heh heh...my microwave is 28 years old. The stove and refrigerator are close to that. The dishwasher is 14. If I can find a way to get the "new" ones and have them installed, I'll be ahead of the "game". Wish me luck! The refrigerator has been promised to my grand-niece. Guess I'll just have to suck that one up!

I've been working on the house in anticipation of having my grandchildren here for my grandson's birthday party. I do so miss them! Megan and I are working on getting things figured out. Some details have not cooperated. Somehow, it will all happen.

Stay tuned.

Another Monday

Ran some errands today, then did cardiac rehab. Puttered around the house some. Did some research into a venue for my grandson's birthday party this weekend. Other than that, not much else accomplished. Such is life!

Forgot to Mention...

Since the last time I drove to Chicago (July), "wind farms" have sprung up in northern Indiana. Along one huge stretch of I-65, there are literally hundreds of windmills, from close to the road to as far as the eye can see to the east. Pretty impressive!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jkgroove/2369693058/

I slept in this morning, thanks to our return to Standard Time. It will get dark early this afternoon...and we had yet another frost last night. Welcome to November!

Halloween...and Other Stuff

First of all, today would have been my brother's 56th birthday. Unfortunately, he died almost four years ago at age 52 of a sudden and massive heart attack. I still think of him every year on Halloween.

I had a SATERN meeting in Chicago part of yesterday and part of today. Left the house on Friday AM to drive up there, in the rain. In spite of precip, it went okay until I approached I-80 westbound. Suddenly, traffic in front of me came to a roaring halt. I had to brake quickly...then looked in the rear-view mirror to watch the traffic behind me take to the shoulder to avoid hitting me and others. Whew! Been there...

The rain got worse as I worked my way around the city on the I-294 tollway. Visibility was bad. I just stuck to my lanes and prayed a lot. Finally found my way to the Holiday Inn in Rolling Meadows. Saw a couple of people that I knew and tried to check in, but the room wasn't ready yet, so I went out to find lunch. That's when the monsoon REALLY hit. Figures.

I got a little wet going into the Old Country Buffet. Guess what I discovered? There are a whole bunch of "old people" (like me) who were eating alone. Pretty sad, really...

Our meeting was grueling. Most of the people in attendance had already been there all week for another function and so were already pooped. We ground out a lot of stuff in a number of hours, ate well, and retired as soon as we could. My bed in the motel was probably the MOST comfortable accommodation I have ever had in all my years of moteling...

The trip home was uneventful, if long. Got back just in time to set things up for the trick-or-treaters. Lit the pumpkins, raked the leaves off the sidewalk, put the candy near the door...and missed my grandchildren. This is the first year since their birth that I wasn't included in their Halloween "celebration". Sometimes, I just cry.

The Week

How did it get to be Wednesday already??

Monday, I took the day off. By that I mean that I didn't do much of anything. I did go to cardiac rehab. For some reason, my blood pressure was low and the exercise seemed easy. I wasn't even winded when I was done. Then I came home to loaf for the rest of the day.

Yesterday, I had an appointment with a dermatologist to remove a growth on my back. It had been growing there awhile but was getting irritated because it was right on my waistline. Then I mentioned a little papiloma-thingie that was on the lash line of my lower right eyelid. The doc said he'd take care of both of them right then! The worst part of all of that are the shots that they give to numb the area. Having a shot in the lower eyelid isn't a lot of fun! Anyway, I came home less than an hour later with a little black scab on my eyelid and a bandage on my back. If the growth on my back comes back as malignant, I'll have to go back for more digging. Otherwise, I'm done until the next thing pops up.

Today (Wednesday) I puttered around the house some, then went to rehab again, but this time, my legs felt rubbery, BP was a little higher, and the exercise seemed more difficult. Wish I could explain why each time is different...

It is supposed to be warm tomorrow. I'm going to try to get some yard work done and get ready for a trip to Chicago on Friday morning for a SATERN handbook revision meeting. Should be back on Saturday in time for Trick-or-Treaters. This will be the first time in seven years that I won't get to see my grandchildren on Halloween. :( Hope Nathan and Kendra take pictures and are willing to share...

Sad Day

Two souls have passed today. Major Pat called me this morning to announce that his brother-in-law died sometime this morning...before 7:00. His son found him in total cardiac arrest. He had Lou Gehrig's Disease and was not expected to live. Sad.

Then, suddenly, on Facebook, there was the announcement that Rich Dimmack has passed. Rich was the 7th grade English teacher. I was the 8th grade teacher. We were a team.

Rich was probably 37 or 38...never smoked, never drank...but came up with cancer of the liver. He was married to the very upbeat French teacher at Monrovia High School. They are/were a splendid couple...have 5-year-old twins and a maybe two-year-old infant. May God bless his soul and give strength to his wife and children...and his former students.

I'm tired of the fight. Guess I need to go to bed because nothing seems worth it anymore.

Repeat

I'm going to repeat a little (most?) of what I wrote last night, just for a complete record of the weekend. If you are reading this, I'm not senile! The children were here this weekend. This is how it went:

Well...where to start?
Nathan and Kendra had the children here at 10:30 Saturday morning. Meg was supposed to show at 11:00. At about 11:10, I received an email from her saying that she was running late and would be here by noon. The children were all excited. Ryan insisted that we set the timer for noon, then watched the timer like a hawk. He would go to the door and yell at Robin, "Nine more minutes!" "Three more minutes!" "As soon as the timer beeps, grab your shoes and your coat and run out the door to meet Mommy!" Well...Mommy didn't show up right at noon. It was more like 12:15...and the children were outside waiting impatiently. When the car finally did roll in, they practically mobbed it.

I had fixed what my school lunch program called a "walking taco". That is all the taco fixings, but put on Frito-like corn chips instead of a tortilla or taco shell. The kids love it and most of it can be made ahead of time. We all sat down to eat. I also had a corned beef in the crock pot for supper--Robin's favorite.

After lunch, Meg decided to take Ryan to Cookie Cutters for a haircut. Robin and I went to Walmart to return some shoes that I had purchased for her that she said hurt her feet. (We also got some acrylic paint for a treasure box project. More on that later.) The plan was to meet up later when we all returned so that we could swap kids so Megan and Robin could go winter coat shopping (for Robbie). While we were in Walmart, Megan called to ask me to buy Benadryl for Ryan because Kendra had suggested giving him some. Something about Ryan's tongue being swollen. Huh? (What I didn't know then, but know now, was that Megan had noticed the swollen tongue while out with Ryan and called Nathan, who was apparently still in town. They met at Stone Cold Creamery to discuss it.) Obviously, Robin and I beat the other two home.

When Megan and Ryan DID get home, I got to see his tongue. It was the underside of his tongue that was swollen...just one side. It looked like a huge, fluid-filled blister. I thought Meg should take him to Immediate Care because I had never seen anything like that before and didn't know if it was dangerous or what. It was then that she announced that she would have to leave by 5:00 to take an online test. I hadn't been told. It was 3:00 when she told me. They left for the IC place right down the road from us.

Years ago, I had purchased a little treasure box, of sorts, to keep my make-up in. It was made of clear plastic with different sized-and-colored polka dots painted on the inside surfaces. I had lined all sides on the inside with white paper so no one could see my mess of beauty implements. I have since moved on to another container for my "face," but I thought Robin might like to have the box. I suggested that she could remove the white paper and paint the inside of the box. Interestingly, she began to muse on what color paint she should use, based on the colors of the polka dots. (I was impressed. I'm not sure I would have given that a thought at her age. I would have just picked a color and then realized my mistake later!) She said she thought "amber" would be good. I said, "Amber is like a gold color." She disappeared into her bedroom and brought out a little wooden chair and said, "I mean THIS color." It was lavendar. Thus, we returned from Wally-World with a small container of lavendar paint. So, while we waited for Ryan and Mommy to return from the doctor, Robin proceeded to paint the inside of the box...and it turned out wonderfully!! I kept complimenting her on her choice of colors. ALL of the polka dots showed up, and she had done a nice job.

Megan called from IC to say, "This could take awhile. There is a line. Should I wait or just leave. What are your thoughts?" Hey...I'm not in control here! I did tell her, however, that if she had to wait too long, Robin was going to be aced out of her "personal" time with Mommy. It was already approaching 3:30. The decision was made that I would take Robin to her at the IC place, and I'd stay with Ryan, waiting to be seen. It took awhile. Ryan was getting impatient, even though there were some things in the waiting area for him to do. (He beat me several times in a memory game on the wall...largely because he had already played it with Mommy. Probably several times. He's a skunk!

The children had both been to the doctor on Friday for check-ups and had received shots (that they shouldn't have needed). Ryan was nervous. The doc came in and determined that what Ryan has is a ranula--a fluid-filled cyst caused by an injured salivary gland. He recommended a tea bag compress several times a day, but should be followed up by an ENT doc or a pediatric dentist if it is still there by Tuesday. Apparently it is a painless thing. Ryan never complained. Don't know the consequences if it isn't treated...

Robin and Megan returned with a new winter coat for Robin. Megan sat for a bit, then left with regret that she couldn't stay to help carve pumpkins. Both kids painted things. The children and I ate our corned beef dinner, then determined that it was time to carve. Did you know that there are differences in pumpkins??? The cute little ones that I had bought were labeled "pie pumpkins". Yeah...so? The "so" part is that you can't carve a pie pumpkin! They are solid. I realized I was licked very early in the game. Worked very hard to get my sharpest knife in the silly thing, and "that's all she wrote". Defeated, I dragged out the paints AGAIN and let the kids paint their pumpkins. I was wearing down by then. The children still had energy. It was about 8:00 PM.

The kids put their jammies on. We watched a couple of videos and ate some popcorn. I put down the chair-futon for Robin who decided she wanted to sleep there. Ryan, after some coaxing that he had the "coolest bed in the house" decided to stay in his own room. By now it was after 10:00 and I was pooped. Robin kept asking me how soon I thought I would go to sleep, which is a warning sign that something might be afoot. I laid awake in my bed for awhile, muting the TV every time I heard a noise. I would go out to check on things, but nothing was out of order (except that Robin was still awake each time I went out). Eventually, I dropped off. Robin awakened me at 12:15 with a hygiene complaint. Took care of that. She woke me again at 2:15 AM with another complaint. I asked if she was still awake because she wasn't comfortable on the futon. She thought so. I told her she could choose her own bed or to sleep with me. Guess which she chose? She conked right out. End of story.

This morning, we were to meet the Heffelman grandparents at early church (8:30). It was plenty tough to get Robin out of bed! We were there in time. The children were good as gold during the service. At one point, there is a children's message where the attending children are called to the front for a little lesson before being sent off to kid activities. This morning, there were only three children: Robin, Ryan, and another young gentleman who was helping his father as an usher. The message was about a compass that always points north, and that the Bible always points to God. Robin raised her hand and volunteered to the minister in front of the whole congregation that she was attending Catholic school...and Ryan mentioned the rosary. The minister, unflapped, welcomed them as visitors. Ugh! They went on to supervised "children's church" while we finished the service. Granpa Phil, making the best of the situation, said he thought it was great that his grandchildren could "volunteer" to speak in front of the faithful. Let's see...the children have been "raised" in the Unitarian Universalist Church, are attending St. Mary's Catholic School in Muncie, and did pre-school plus additional attendance at Plainfield United Methodist Church. Do you think they'll be confused???

I left it up to the children if they wanted to attend Sunday School after the service. Both did. The Heffelman grandparents and I took them to their locations. They had friends in attendance and were happy as little clams when we left. (One of the mothers of Ryan's previous Kdg. class inquired why Ryan wasn't in Brandon's class anymore. We gave a partial and tearful answer. It just happens.) Judy and Phil volunteered to bring the kids home. I had suggested that we all meet for lunch thereafter, but since only Judy stays for Sunday School (and Phil hadn't been assessed of a possible new routine) we let it pass. Maybe next time. As the children were saying "bye" to their Heffelman grandparents in front of the house, Robin clung to Grandpa. I don't know what she is thinking, and it breaks my heart!

When we got home, the children changed back into their Muncie clothes. I had washed them overnight... We had leftovers for lunch. Ryan wanted the walking taco. Robin wanted corned beef. Then they waited for Jack.

Jack is the neighbor boy. He has been a huge influence on the children over many months (mostly Ryan). This weekend, Jack was camping with his cousin. Today, he was due back at noon, then at 1:00. He finally arrived sometime around 1:45, which gave the children short of two hours to play with him before we were scheduled to leave for Muncie. Since it was a nice day, they played outside, throwing leaves on each other, etc. It was all that Ryan needed. He had been so anxious about his friend's absence!

I gathered the children up and left for Muncie at 3:30. We had to stop at the Heffelman grandparents to pick up some sticker books (that actually saved the day in the car)...then got gas. The kids picked on each other most of the way to Muncie. They were both so tired...they even LOOKED tired.

When we got there, Robin headed for the house. Ryan said he was NEVER getting out of the car. (He did.) Apparently Robin said something that got her in trouble with her stepmother before I even got in the house. All I heard was Robin saying, "Guess it's not a good idea, Kendra." She was told not to be so "snotty"....and later told to "lose the attitude" when Wednesday (her daughter) was trying to be in control of delivering Halloween cards to the children. Robin was quite clingy at my departure. I worry about her. She isn't as expressive of her emotions as Ryan...and he has a warped perception of things. She is a sneaky one.

For what it's worth, I delivered my grandchildren to a home similar to mine. Kendra was doing laundry. The house was no less messy than here. No less stress. Just a LITTLE more space. I only cried from their house to I-69 on the way home. I guess that's progress.

Moving on...