Thy Will Be Done...

Have you ever wanted something to happen so badly that you prayed and prayed for it, only to have it NOT happen the way you wanted...and then, after the fact, discovered that everything worked out for the best, in spite of you?

I'm a praying person. I believe in the power of prayer and the power of positive energy. As a child, I prayed constantly, and good things happened to me. I was convinced that good things happened because I was close to God and He made the good things happen for me. (I was too young to realize that many of those good things happened because I was raised in a generation where children were protected from the bad things by their families.)

It wasn't until I became an adult and had to start making my own decisions in life that I came to understand it's sometimes pretty tough to decide what road to take. There were times when I flat-out didn't know what to pray for anymore, and since I was a flawed mortal, thinking I could be in control of my own life by praying because somewhat illogical. I did pray, but I finally had to say, "Thy will be done...whatever that is."

When my beloved grandmother neared the end of her life on earth, I was desperate. I wanted her to live forever, just for me! Yet, she was desperately ill. She had been wheelchair-bound for the last 15 years. She was diabetic...so much so that her right foot had become gangrenous. She had pernicious anemia that would cause her to go into a coma until blood transfusions would bring her around again. And she wasn't going to get any better. She had lost a lot of weight and hardly looked like herself anymore. There was a hollow, lost look in her eyes. She was ready to go--tired of the fight. She was in her 80s and I was in my 20s. Still, I prayed and prayed for her to live. Then, one day, the light came on over my head. My grandmother was in critical condition and would never recover. Why did I wish this suffering on her??? I walked around and around the block that day, having a conversation with myself and with God. "I understand, dear Lord, that I have to let her go. Please let her passing be merciful. Thy will be done." And it was. My grandmother just faded away with her husband and daughter by her side just a day or so later.

I've prayed for a lot of things in my lifetime that didn't go the way I wanted. Hey...I prayed "Thy will be done"...so it wasn't my fault, right? Obviously, God's will was different than mine! I have rolled with the punches as best I could/can and moved on.

Well, now my daughter and her husband have some decision issues. She is going nutsy in the worry process. I want to tell her to relax and pray that God's will be done, but I know her and I doubt that she would have any of that. The truth is that it is driving me nutsy, too. I don't want to be part of the worry process. I just want her to call me one day and say, "This is what we are going to do." But, I am her mother and that's just not how things happen between mothers and daughters. Especially close mothers and daughters. I can offer nothing but platitudes, and my kid is one of those who has to learn things the hard way. (She has ALWAYS resisted my platitudes and advice--even as a little girl!) So I'll do the praying for her. "This is what we THINK we want, dear God, but Thy will be done." And just in case, I'm keeping my fingers crossed!