Dear Son-in-Law

All around my house are remnants and reminders of a life that my daughter had before you came into her life. It worries me some that you might be bothered by their presence. I want to explain all of that to you, in hopes that you can understand without feeling jealousy about what is past. I was a second spouse once. I get it.

Megan did have a life before you. She was young, as was her husband. When the birth of the children happened, everything seemed "magical" but was actually quite stressful. When the marriage fell apart, it was due to a circus of circumstances. No one person could be blamed. Still, what happened at divorce time didn't negate what happened before.

When Megan and Nathan split up, I met with his parents. We agreed that taking sides was not in the best interests of our grandchildren. Though our children were no longer married, and we weren't particularly happy about the way things were handled, our grandchildren were still our grandchildren. They didn't ask nor deserve what they got. Thus, we took the high road. We didn't take sides. We didn't try to erase what had gone before. What was past was past, but the future was hopeful.

Denis, dear...I want to emphasize that we didn't erase what had gone before. You can't change history! It might not always feel good to be faced with an intimate relationship that your spouse once had, but it was BEFORE YOU. There are no regrets. If you hadn't come along, Megan and Nathan would be no less divorced. And if she hadn't had those experiences, she wouldn't be the person she is now.

If you come to my house and see pictures or hear stories about my grandchildren's father, please understand that they will always be there because it is part of their lives, and ours. It does not take anything away from you. You and Megan are now making other memories and new experiences that build on the old. (I am still chuckling over the Christmas deal. "Who the hell is Lily??") I just want you to understand that we are all here for you because you are loved as the newest chapter in the lives of my grandchildren.

If I EVER say or do anything that makes you feel disjointed from the family, I beg you to say something so I never say or do it again. It probably would help you never had to see Nathan or be with his family again....but then we would be denying the truth. Nathan will always be the children's father, and his parents will always be their grandparents. I thank God every day that this has never been an issue with you..or with them. You are a peach!

If I didn't care about you, I would not worry about this. Was just looking through baby scrapbooks of Robin and Ryan and wondering how you would feel if you saw them. I hope you understand that "that was then; this is now".

I love you, Deniska. Keep on doing what you are doing. As a former stepmom, I really do understand!