Sisters

I saw a Dr. Phil show recently (what else?!) that had to do with a couple of feuding sisters.  (Actually, he has aired lots of shows on the same subject over the years.)  I watched with interest because 100% of these feuding sisters are adults who apparently harbor ill-feeling or competition from the past.  LONG past.  What's up with that??

I've come to the conclusion that it must be closeness in age that causes these things, or emotional insecurity.  My nieces--both in their 50s now--fight.  They are 11 months apart in age.  Two sets of feuding sisters on Dr. Phil were actually twins.  Perhaps this closeness in years creates a competition for parental attention that I don't understand.  I just don't get it.

My parents had four children.  Shari was first.  Then Barbara, who died in a tragic home accident as a toddler.  Then me.  Then our baby brother, Doug.  There were six years and three months between Shari and me, and six years and seven months between Doug and me, making a whopping almost-thirteen years between Shari and Doug.  (When he was born, Shari was his "little mother".  I just thought he was a pesky little brother.)  Doug died, stubborn and young, a number of years ago, leaving Shari and I all that is left of our family constellation.  Does that matter?  You betcha!

Shari got married and started her family back when I was in 8th grade.  Everything changed then, of course...but rest assured, we had our problems before that.  We got into trouble together in our younger years (always HER fault, of course!), and fought like sisters later.  There was even one occasion, when our parents were gone and we were old enough to know better, that we got into a knock-down, drag-out physical fight.  I was shocked at my behavior, and I think Shari was shocked at hers.  We totally disappointed our parents.  Neither Shari nor I ever apologized to each other then.  We accepted that it was over and moved on.  I can't even remember what the argument was over...

Through our marriage-and-child-bearing years, we had a number of experiences that brought us together (family holidays, years at the Indy 500, boat excursions and fun in the sun), and a couple that pulled us apart (usually related to our respective husbands rather than us), but here we are in old age, propping each other up as best we can by long distance.  Shari, the recipient of the good family genes, still looks like a million bucks.  I...well...not so much.  She envies my independence.  I envy her financial stability.  Yet, I don't think either one of us would trade places.  If all things were equal, we could...but all things aren't equal.  Only God knows what the future brings for us. 

Here is what I know for sure:  my sister and I share some things that no one else can understand.  Memories of our parents and grandparents...the family farm...the Navy years and how it affected us...the strength of our mother and grandmother that has made us strong.  (Strength isn't necessarily fun, but it is who we are, by default.)  Our struggles as wives and mothers and grandmothers--and, in her case, great-grandmothers.  We have always provided each other a theoretical escape route from reality.  I always know that I have a non-judging ear in her, and she in me.  Whatever happens, we both know that our doors are open to each other...no questions asked.  Who would a-thunk it? 

God bless you, Shari, if you read this.  If you get to Heaven before I do, save me a place at the dinner table with Baba and Popo, Mom and Dad, and Doug and Barbie for me.  If I get there first, I will send the maitre-d' to ask if you have a reservation!  (Wink!)