Christmas Foreplay

'Twas the week before Christmas,
And all through the home,
The spirit was missing,
Wherever I roam.

(My apologies to Clement C. Moore!)

Every year, there are a number of things that all come together to create what we know as "the Christmas spirit".  We decorate our homes;  make a big deal of putting up the Christmas tree as a family activity; make gift lists; Christmas shop; go to parties; bake cookies and make candy; wrap presents; threaten our small children that Santa won't come if they don't behave; watch Christmas classic movies on television; plan for our family traditions; and wait/hope for the weather to cooperate with our travel plans and expectations of whatever kind of weather we expect for the season.  In short, we exhaust ourselves for a month out of the year in the name of the Christmas spirit.  I call it Christmas foreplay.  If any of the requirements are missing, we have trouble getting in the mood.  Kind of like sex, you know?  And the climax, of course, happens on the day of December 25th, when it is all over.  Bang!  Done.  Only the garbage men who pick up all of the wrappings and packaging get the dregs when it's over.

This year represents my 66th Christmas.  I've had one or two in southern California, one in Florida, one in Japan, and all of the rest in Illinois and Indiana with my family as it was in any given year.  Some were great.  Some were good.  Some were, let's just say, experiences where new traditions had to be created.  Sometimes, it is difficult to get into the spirit because some of the foreplay is missing.  This year is one of those.  Yes, it is cold enough.  Yes, there is plenty of snow on the ground.  (I'm sorry...seeing Christmas lights decorating palm trees in Florida just seemed a bit incongruous to me.)  I've shopped and cooked and gotten crazy...but...my family won't be here, nor will I be with them. 

My daughter and family are going to Florida to be with my son-in-law's Russian parents and Megan's father and stepmother for Christmas.  I was invited to go, too....but...when the invitation was originally given, I didn't feel welcome by the circumstances (long story)...and when the welcome mat came out for real, I had already committed to another situation.  I don't regret that they are going because I think the grandchildren will love going to Disney World and soaking in the sunshine.  I also believe that the adults being visited will enjoy (and be exhausted by) the visit.  What I DO regret is that my happy little dreamy expectations of the perfect Christmas will be different...again...this year.  (I fear that has changed permanently.  I just have to decide for myself if I'm going to take part in it.)

So, what part of foreplay is missing?  For years, Meg and I--and whatever other parts of the family were living here at the moment--went to the 11 PM candlelight service at my church on Christmas Eve, then came home to a midnight breakfast and opening our stockings, leaving the gifts for morning.  The Christmas Eve services at my church are absolutely gorgeous, with exquisite music and dimmed lighting and candles held on high at the end.  Uplifting!  I haven't been able to attend that service since my grandchildren started living with their father.  (That is, I couldn't attend if I wanted to be with them.) 

This year, no one will be here at Christmas.  Oh, Meg and the family will be here for a few hours on the 19th, on their way to FL.  I will be in IL with my sister's family for the holiday.  I did put up the Christmas tree yesterday, wondering why...but I didn't want to feel like the Scrooge that I thought my mother was being when she decided just to put up a tiny little hint of a tree on a table when her kids grew up and started their own traditions.  (Putting up the tree alone is sacrilege in my house.  No fun to do it alone!)  I have done maybe a quarter of the house decorating that I normally would--which is okay because my house is tiny.

Perhaps it's my age and inability to get around well, but I just haven't had enough foreplay to get in the mood.  I lack the Christmas spirit this year.  Mercifully, it hasn't affected my shopping.  (Got that done in record time!) 

But here is the reality of it all: as the Grinch found out, Christmas will happen with or without all of the trappings.  It's in our hearts and can't be stopped.  If I were in a concentration camp being tortured by enemies, Christmas would still be Christmas...in my heart.  Many years ago, when I was in high school, I got into an altercation at the Christmas dinner table with my brother-in-law over his nagging treatment of his small daughter.  I left the table in a huff and went up to my bedroom because I had dared to breech family protocol with retaliation to his angry words.  Awhile later, my grandfather came up to my room to say, "Don't let this ruin your Christmas."  My response to him was, "Oh, Popo...nothing can spoil Christmas!"  I meant it then, and I mean it now.  The foreplay may not be there while the expectations are, but the day isn't about us.  It is a day to celebrate the birth of a man who changed the world forever, and if we are so wrapped up in the foreplay, we don't get it.  Strip away the layers and get back to the "reason for the season". 

That's what I'm trying to do!