I think I have talked before about my diet quest. As of now, I have officially been watching my weight for 35 weeks. What's special about that is that 1) it's the longest I have ever stayed on a weight-loss diet, 2) I have lost more weight on a diet than ever before, and 3) it ain't over yet!
For reasons known only to God--aloneness, boredom, stress, physical pain--I allowed myself to get over 200 pounds on my small-boned frame. I'm 5' 5" tall, which is about average for a female, but I couldn't blame big bones for my weight. I just liked to eat. Was raised in a family that appreciated food. It rewarded me and consoled me and became an absent-minded function of my life, until, one day, I couldn't reach my feet. Couldn't pull down the tray on an airplane without impaling my belly. Could not abide seeing myself in a mirror. Pictures of me showed a bloated face and a bloated body. I talked about it endlessly. Complained about it endlessly. Then 35 weeks ago, inspired by my daughter's efforts at weight loss, I just decided to quit bitchin' and do something about it. I recognized that losing weight was the ONLY thing I had physical control of in my life. Can't fix my back. Can't change my circumstances, but by damn, I CAN lose weight. And so I have. In those 35 weeks, I am down almost 33 pounds. I am nothing if not patient!
What have I discovered about myself in this process?
1. I am stronger than I ever believed I was.
2. I feed off of the successes of my daughter and my co-grandmother-in-crime. As they encourage, so do I.
3. Losing weight can be an adventure in figuring out better food choices and lightening food recipes.
4. I can trick myself into being happy about food choices. More about that later.
5. I can never again go back to eating the foods I like with abandon. This is a life-long change. If I go back, I gain weight. Do I want to be fat again? Not on your life! Honestly? I'm still fat. I have at least 20 pounds to go before I can consider myself out of the woods, but there is a fine line to walk.
Since I get absolutely NO exercise, I am living proof that one can reduce one's weight by simply limiting food intake...and it doesn't have to be ugly.
6. Mind games work well. You can substitute lower-fat or lower-calorie ingredients to favorite foods. They don't taste quite as good, but acceptance of that has to do with the choices. Am I willing to eat the stuff that doesn't taste as good as the "real thing", or would I rather not have it at all? Guess what I choose?! Potato salad, here I come!
What are the benefits of losing weight? Not going to talk about the medical things here (although I really considered my risk of diabetes when I was heavier). I can reach my feet again. I can sleep on my back again, although it makes me snore more. I can feel a dip between the sides of my rib cage when I am on my back. The last time I was on an airplane, I could pull down the tray and not have it cut off my belly. Body parts feel softer. The steering wheel on my car is farther away. I don't hate my mirror profile quite as much as I used to.
What are the disadvantages? I look like a deflated balloon! I can hide body wrinkles with clothes, but the new wrinkles on my face are disturbing. Nothing to be done about it, but it hurts. The only other disadvantage that I can think of is that I can't always have what I want to eat when I want to eat it--which is kind of ridiculous because my diet allows for indulgences as long as they are counted.
My "nosy neighbor" Fred told me a couple of months ago that he didn't actually notice my weight loss because I wear such baggy clothes. He's right. It woke me up. I'm still in the "I don't care" season of the year, but as soon as the temps warm up, I am due for a refreshed wardrobe. Maybe just one item per month. I look forward to that, but I hate to shop. Ugh!
Sorry to bore you with something as mundane as a diet, but it has been so much a part of my life for the past 35 weeks that I couldn't resist. One of my Facebook friends put it perfectly: Congratulations on your weight loss! You don't have to make that infamous New Year's resolution!
Oh, how right she was...and how much it soothed me to see her say it!
(And, btw, the woman who said it was "our" ex-husband's first wife. I really, truly, respect her!)
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