Young Love vs. Old Love

"Everyone knows"--as our President would say--that the world is all about people aged 35 or younger.  Don't believe me?  Look at every magazine on the planet.  Look at TV commercials, Facebook memes, and everything that smacks of family.  Valentine's Day?  All about diamonds and flowers and young love.  Thirty-five and under.  Change my mind!

Young love is full of sexual tension, putting the best foot forward, wanting to please the other person because of wanting to attract him/her.  Egos are involved.  Physical attraction is huge.  Conquest.  Financial stability.  Family acceptance.  Equality in the household.  Chasing tail, then working one's own tail off the make ends meet to raise a family.  Needs to be met--everyone's.  Doing stupid things to keep a family together in spite of everything.

And then, one day--or many, many years later--something happens.  You get old.  Your spouse gets old.  Your spouse gets sick, and no matter how faithful and hard-working you are/were, your spouse dies, and you are alone for the first time in 50 years or more.  Then, out of the darkness arises someone you are interested in.  You weren't seeking a new relationship, but life is different now.  You don't have the "fullness of days" to hang around in misery.  (You can, but all that will happen is that you will die alone and lonely if you don't carpe diem.)

Old love isn't fraught with sexual tension.  You've raised your family.  You have fulfilled your vows of "until death do us part."  You have fought the good fight, run the race, and kept the faith.  Maybe the physical stuff doesn't work anymore, but hugs do.  What you seek in life isn't a sexual partner; you just need a loved companion.  Someone to do things with.  Someone to make you feel less alone.

Unfortunately, when you are older in life, family seems to think they know how you should behave.  They aren't thinking about you.  They are thinking of themselves, and it is so not fair!

My sister has been a widow for just over two years.  Her husband died of FTD dementia.  For at least the last five years of his life, she dealt with his needs and quirks, his combativeness, his irrationality.  Her entire world revolved around him.  (Do NOT be misled by the dementia commercials on television.  It isn't sweet and loving and comfortable to live with someone with dementia.  It gets ugly.  Very ugly.)  The truth is that my sister worked herself into the ground to attend to the needs of her husband and her adult family.  Mourning the loss of her husband started years before he actually died.  When he finally did pass, she was so very sick with pneumonia that we had to put off the funeral for a few days just to get her well enough to be there.  (She's a total trouper!)

For a lot of circumstantial reasons, my sister has reconnected with a gentleman from her past who also lost his spouse to a long-term cancer illness.  My best guess is that he, too, started his mourning process before his wife actually died.  The unfortunate part is that he has been alone for only about seven or eight months, and his children are pushing back.  He is trying to be sensitive to their feelings while addressing his own.  Who wins??  Only time will tell.

In the meantime, the drama and so-called offenses from family make these people walk a fine line between passion and diplomacy.  If they were in their 20s or below 35, no one would challenge them.  (We all know that doesn't work!)

If my sister and her delightful gentleman friend decide to call it quits, I pray that the reasons will be internal rather than from family members who selfishly care more about their own agendas rather than the happiness of their parent/grandparent.  My whole reasoning is: do those who object to the relationship want these two to spend the rest of their lives alone and lonely?

God works in mysterious ways.  I am praying that Old Love will win, in this case!