The Old Gray Mare....

 How does the song go?

The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be,

Ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be,

The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be,

Many long years ago.

Many long years ago, many long years ago,

The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be,

Many long years ago.

The old gray mare, she kicked on the whiffletree,

Kicked on the whiffletree, kicked on the whiffletree,

The old gray mare, she kicked on the whiffletree,

Many long years ago.

Many long years ago, many long years ago,

The old gray mare, she kicked on the whiffletree,

Many long years ago.

• (Note that "mule" is sometimes substituted for "mare".)
• (A whiffletree is a force-distributing mechanism in the traces of a draft animal. As an energetic younger horse, the mare still had the spirit to kick even though she was harnessed up to pull a plow or similar.)

Okay, so I had to look up the lyrics (thank you, Wikipedia!), but my mother used to sing the first verse all the time when referring to getting old.  (Mom and her siblings were farm kids and tight as thieves all their lives.  They had many family jokes, made funnier by their interpretations.  I always loved listening to their tales!)

The other day, when I was trying to explain my history to a caregiver, it occurred to me that I had so many physical problems that I had to prioritize them just to make their importance known!  Yeah...I'm the old gray mare.  At the very same time, I realized that my little house-on-a-slab is also an old gray mare.  It has quirks that take experience to know.  The house was built in 1968.  When I bought the place, almost 30 years ago, the only quirk that was pointed out to me by the previous owner was the location of the sewer cleanout.  In fact, someone had carved an arrow in the cement border blocks by the house to indicate where it was.  At the time, I didn't know why that was so important, but over almost three decades in this home, I believe I now know.  The sewer line needs to be rooted out at least once every 18-24 months to remove tree roots from the line.  Bazinga!

So now, nearing the end of my years on the planet, I'm wondering if I should be writing down all the the little things that future owners of this bungalow should know.  I know it's not my job, but if you love a house, you want others to love it, too.  For instance, whenever I had guests, I had to warn them that the toilet would continue to run if the flush handle wasn't jiggled.  (I've since replaced that toilet!)  Of course, there's the sewer tree root problem.  There is a covered-over light switch that I hide under a picture in the bathroom, because, once upon a time, the back door to the house had a door to the main bathroom, with a light switch just inside that door.  (I had the door removed and wall-boarded over, and the switch removed.)  What other little things do I know that future owners need to know?

1.  If one turns off the light switch on the house side of the garage door into the house, every electrical outlet in the garage is turned off.  Not important, except that the garage is no longer a garage.  It's now a bedroom/bonus room, and has been since 2009.  I have put a block on that switch so that guests can't accidentally turn it off, but nobody but me knows that.

2.  Half of the linen closet is taken up with a brine tank for the water softener.  The water softener itself is in the hall closet next to the water heater.  The brine tank is empty, and the water softener doesn't work.  It should.  I replaced it once, but I could no longer handle the 40-lb. bags of softener salt, nor had I taken the time to understand the programming of the machine.  Replace it?  Take it out?  The path of least resistance has been to do nothing.  Unless I get inspired, it will just sit there, unplugged and unused, taking up space.

The other part of that is that, although softened water is generally a good thing, it's hard on water heaters.  For the first few years of living here, I went through three water heaters in quick succession; hence, the reason I haven't done a thing about the water softener since it (or I) gave up.

3.  Light bulbs burn out faster in this house than in any other in which I have lived.  I don't know why.  I finally determined that replacing ceiling fan lights with candelabra bulbs was a total waste of money.  The kitchen was the worst.  Light bulbs, with all of the new "changes", are so much more expensive than they used to be, I buy them and pray for the best, but no more bulbs that look like candles!  

4.  Soooo many changes have been made to this house and yard, not only since I bought it, but also since it was built.  (The way I know this is having looked at another home in the area with the same floor plan.)  For example, there used to be long swinging saloon doors to separate the kitchen from the rest of the house.  Gone.  I already mentioned the second door to the main bathroom.  Now just a wall.  Many perennial plants/shrubs outside that just died.  Some replaced; some not.  Structurally, however, the house remains solid, on a slab of concrete.

5.  Yearly critter invasions, of the multi-legged kind.  Every year, it's something different.  For the last ten years or so, June brings big black ants into the house.  Often, I know they are there because they crawl up  my legs.  Ack!  They are easy to see and easy to crush because they are so visible.  A couple of years, I had an invasion of tiny sugar ants, not seen unless a food crumb happens to hit the floor.  Then, almost invisibly, they surround the crumb, making it easier to see and easier to stamp out.  Twice--this year included--earwigs found their way into the house.  I hate those bugs because they know no boundaries.  I could find them anywhere in the house, but mostly in the kitchen and bathroom.  All of these creatures have somehow found a way into my house, over time.  I don't have answers; only questions.  Doesn't seem to matter what I do, the critters keep doing what they do best: annoy me.  To be honest, it's not a major infestation...just embarrassing.  The infestation is done for this season, thank God.  Stay tuned!

The household Old Gray Mare, combined with the personal Old Gray Mare are quite a team!  There were times, when my daughter and I were younger, that we both wished we lived in a bigger house.  Dear Lord, how would things be for me now if I had ever acted on bigger, better, and more?  I am thankful that I didn't give in to that which I couldn't afford.  They'll probably take me out of this house in a body bag.  I'm okay with that.  This little house-on-a-slab has been my shelter and comfort for almost 30 years.  Very little else has ever been so faithful.