Life is a journey, destination unknown.
I came to Plainfield, Indiana, from Cloverdale, IN, with my daughter in 1991, as newly single women. We had only been transplants from Illinois for less than three years. We were blazing new trails in our lives. It seemed in those days that I had to fight for everything we had, including child support--but we survived, and eventually thrived. I bought our little house-on-a-slab in 1992. Daughter was in the high school show choir, Belles et Beaux. I became a Show Choir Mom, loving every second of it in Megan's last three years of high school. What a blast!
In the year 2000, my daughter married. In 2002, my first grandchild was born, followed 15 months later in 2004, by grandchild #2. I adored them both. In fact, I spent almost as much time with them, wherever they were, as I did in my own home. I taught during the week and was with them on the weekends. I supplied some funds and some stability (or so I believed) and enjoyed my grandmotherhood. I have ONE child. Everything in my life has revolved around her and her family!
In 2007, the Indianapolis Colts were playing in the Super Bowl. Everybody, including the paternal grandparents, was at my house for the event, dressed in Colts gear. It was a happy time since our team won. That was mid-February. In early March, my daughter asked if I'd like company for my birthday. Of course! She and my grandkids came for the weekend...and never left. I'd had no clue that she was leaving her husband and was staying here with me. I had two usable bedrooms. The third bedroom was being used as an office/radio shack. Robin and I slept on one bed. Ryan and Mom slept on the other. Honestly, I don't think anyone was getting much sleep.
The children spent every weekend with their father in Muncie, with Mom and Dad trading delivery and pickup trips--about 1 1/2 hours one way. I spent every weekend doing laundry. Megan (my daughter) had snagged a significant job with IUPUI (Indiana University/Purdue University at Indianapolis) in the bursar's office, but was also taking classes. She was home by about 6:00 daily. I was usually home by 4:00, after teaching all day. I got home, took a short nap on the couch, then went to pick up the children at day care along about 5:00. We came home, and I started dinner while supervising the kids. Dinner was ready by the time their mom came home. That was during the school year. We were all busy!
Over the summer (July) of 2007, when I was visiting with my sister in Illinois, I had the misfortune to experience a ruptured aneurysm in my brain. I've talked about this before. I was fortunate to recover from that event with no deficits, unlike 80% of other aneurysm sufferers, but it did cause some problems for my daughter. She wanted to be in Peoria, IL, with me, but couldn't find anyone to keep the kids. The paternal grandparents were out of town, and their father said he couldn't help. Her boss suggested that she needed to be with me, and the kids' day care gal offered to keep the kids for a day or two. My sister and my daughter took turns being with me. When I was finally taken out of ICU after surgery, and released to go, there was the issue of taking me AND my car home, so Meg had to find a second driver who was willing to make the 4-hour trip and back all in one day. My poor daughter then had to find people to babysit me during the days, according to the doctors, due to the potential of vasospasm. After a few days of that, I declared, "Enough! I'm fine!" We took a risk and won. I returned to school after Labor Day...two weeks after school had begun...because my neurologist insisted that I hold off a bit and would only issue me a release to return to work if I did. Whew! I survived the aneurysm bleed with no physical or mental deficits. God is good!
The summer of 2008, while the grandchildren were in Muncie with their dad for a 6-week summer visit, we decided to remodel the house to make it so that four people could have their own rooms. Megan contributed much of the funds through grants that she had obtained through legal means. We turned the garage into a grandma bedroom/radio shack, and the other three bedrooms redecorated to become rooms for my daughter, my female grandchild, and my male grandchild. We were installing ceiling fans, taking OUT a ceiling fan to replace with a light fixture, stripping wallpaper, painting rooms, buying beds, and just generally making my little bungalow suitable for a family of four, so everyone could have their own space. It was expensive but wonderful for us all.
For the 2008-2009 school year, Robin was in Kindergarten and Ryan was in pre-school at the UM Church. Out of the goodness of their hearts, the paternal grandmother offered to do kid duty that year so day care could be out of the picture for Ry.. Megan took the children to the grandparents' on her way to work. Grandpa Phil took Robin to school and picked her up, daily, taking her back to their house for the rest of the afternoon. Grandma Judy took Ryan to preschool and picked him up. (I don't think the latter was every day.) When I got home from teaching, I picked them up, came home, and started dinner. We INVARIABLY had fights in the car. I dreaded it. It's only a mile from there to here, but such drama for an already-exhausted grandma to endure. I wasn't all that nice. We were ALL just surviving by trying to stay in our lanes.
In the spring of that school year, I was 62. In a perfect world, I should have waited three more years to retire, but it isn't a perfect world! It had become clear to me that I needed to be home to do the honors with the grandkids, keep house, and try to create a calmer environment for all of us. Ryan was having unexpected tantrums. Work was sapping my strength with expectations that made no sense. I had long considered that I probably would never be able to retire, but I figured if I could just take home $2,000 a month with pension and Social Security, it could happen. Didn't happen. I couldn't come that close, but I committed to retire, anyway. I'd find a way to get by.
I've been retired now for 13 years. At the beginning of those years, 2009, the grandchildren went to live with their father in Muncie, while my daughter went to California with her Russian-born boyfriend. I (literally) had a heart attack that year, and my grandson suffered a major concussion from falling off this bike. My life fell apart. (Not fun to talk about.) Still, I'm not sorry that I retired. I was free to escort my grandchildren, about twice a year via airplane, to visit their mother. And then, slowly, my physical abilities began to give up. Thank God, I was able to manage until my daughter and her Russian husband (who is a delightful man, btw) decided to move back to the Midwest to be closer to the children...and then regained custody of both of them because of some trauma not related to any parental concerns on either side.
In retirement--on a fixed budget--I have managed to pay off my house, which gives me some financial wiggle room. I can travel, with help--but not during the pandemic. My life has found a rhythm of ways to get along. Of course, it costs money. Of course it relies on many others when I used to be able to do everything for myself. I think I retired just in time. I'm not sure I could have lasted the three years at work that would have given me more income. Was it worth the monetary sacrifice? Yes! It absolutely was!!
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