I've written about my young former student Bruce before. (Bruce isn't his real name but will suffice.) Bruce is on the Autism Spectrum, and has been all his life. He's very smart and talented but has always lived under (and been somewhat protected by) his disability. He's in his late 20s now and living independently for the first time in his life for almost a year now.
In spite of fits and starts with college schooling and an occasional job here and there which never panned out for long because he has no driver's license or means of transportation except by the generosity of others, and a couple of physical limitations beyond his Spectrum things, he hasn't gained much traction in the world. Know what he has gained? Weight! The poor guy huffs and puffs as bad as I do--and that isn't good. I worry about him, scold him, recommend things to him....etc.....but he is in that swirling whirlpool of poverty that sucks in good people as well as bad. Sometimes, the whirlpool makes bad people out of those who were once good; sometimes, it drives good people to stop trying. Unlike what the Republicans seem to believe, that one only needs to pick him/herself up by the boot straps to change things, I was in the financial dumps enough to know that the resulting thinking is: "Why should I try? No matter how hard I work, nothing changes."
This is how I have felt for Bruce. Although he is a 29-year-old man now, he's still one of "my" kids. I hurt every time things don't go easily. In the end, he/we succeed but not without complications. Honestly, I just don't think things have to be this hard.
Here are some examples of frustrating things, prefaced by the fact that Bruce lives in governmental housing in Mooresville, Indiana, while I live in Plainfield, IN--a distance of, perhaps, ten miles. It takes me 15-20 minutes in good traffic to get to his apartment complex.
The Driver's Permit:
I decided that one of things I needed to help Ben with was procuring a driver's license, which begins by getting a learner's permit. The closest Bureau of Motor Vehicles office is in Plainfield, so I picked him up, brought him back to Plainfield to the BMV, paid his fee, and waited for him to pass the test, which he did on the first try! Thereafter, we ran other errands before I took him home.
I put out a bid on Facebook asking for recommendations for driver's training. I had a benefactor who volunteered that he'd like to pay for Bruce to get professional lessons. An answer to unspoken prayer! However, that boat was slow to leave the dock, but before it did, the pandemic hit. Virtually everything shut down except "essentials", but even the essentials were iffy.
I think I figured that Bruce's family would then take over to teach him to drive. That didn't happen due to (I think) vehicle insurance reasons. Thus, we waited out the pandemic, and when things began to open up again, we discovered that his learner's permit had expired. It was also his main means of ID. He did a little research via phone calls, only to be told that he needed to take the test again. Okay...
I picked him up and brought him back to the BMV a couple of years later to retake the test and renew his permit. Somehow, he failed the test. So...where did this leave us now? I started nagging him to study for the test (again), but he was dragging his feet. (I don't blame him!) Then, he found out through other means that he had been wrongly informed. All he needed to do was pay a fee to renew his permit rather than start over from scratch. That was a relief!
So, once again, I picked him up and took him to the BMV. I handed him cash for the fees and sent him in. He came out far too quickly. It seems that, since his address had changed since his original permit was issued, he needed to supply a piece of mail with his new address on it. (He had NOT been told that when he inquired about what documentation was required.) I hesitated for a moment or two before deciding that I would take him back to his apartment to pick up a piece of mail with his address on it and go back to the BMV.
Once again, he came out too soon. He hadn't been made to understand that the piece of mail with his address on it also had to have his name on it. What he had picked up was a piece of "Occupant" mail; so, once again, we were thwarted. I wasn't willing to burn another trip to Mooresville and back. Fortunately, Bruce has an "associate" with social services who was willing and able to take him back to the BMV the next day. Mission accomplished! Has he found driver's training yet? No. Does he have a driver's license yet? No. Will this happen in my lifetime? Who knows!
Paying Bills:
One time, Bruce owed some money to the apartment complex in which he lives. I took him, cash in hand, to the office to pay the bill. He came out very shortly to say that they wouldn't accept cash. He needed a personal check or money order. Although he had a bank account, he didn't have checks.
I took him to his bank to order checks. Most banks will give temporary checks to be used until real ones come in--but not his. Although I had given him cash to pay for it, his bank informed him that check order fees have to come out of his account. He wasn't working at the time and didn't have the $20 or so in his account. Mission thwarted. He was advised that money orders are cheaper, but money orders require transportation to go to the places where they are issued.
Jump forward many months. He's working now--part time--like 12 hours a week, so he has a little money in his bank account. I took him, once again, to order checks--this time, successfully. Now he's a big boy! But what a red tape runaround it has been!
Establishing Benefits:
In the fall, Bruce was trying to get help with utility payments. He wasn't working then. He did have rent assistance through his government housing; he did have food stamps and Medicaid; but he had no income with which to pay his gas and electric bills. He was seeking assistance with utilities through the state for the winter, and somehow, he needed to provide his Social Security card. (Not merely his number.) He didn't have it, and his mother couldn't find it, so he was launched into a process to replace his lost card before anything else could be accomplished. He needed ID (hence, the need for the driver's permit), birth certificate, and other forms of ID in order to get his SS card replaced. It took weeks. Only then could he apply for energy assistance. It only goes through winter, so we'll see how thing pan out during warmer temps.
Clothing:
Bruce is a big boy and growing. Finding him clothing that will fit has become more and more difficult. He gets food stamps from the government which buy less and less as prices go higher and higher. He tends to buy what he likes rather than what is healthy. He's had meetings with nutritionists, but what they advise falls on deaf ears. Bruce eats a lot of comfort foods, without apology, and if one takes him out to eat, he prefers buffets. Pizza is his drug of choice.
Finding clothing that will fit Bruce has become a problem. He's into 5-6X men's sizes, and they get expensive and hard to find. Since his income from his part time employment is limited, he is reluctant to spend what he has on clothing (unless it has a NASCAR theme).
Bottom line:
We go round and round on the poverty carousel with Bruce. Me, as a person who cares. His mother as an invested person without much ability to help. His cousin whose help is spotty but welcome. The county's social services that can only help so far... If there is someone in your life who is in the poverty loop through no fault of their own, may Heaven bless you for any effort you make to help. There, but for the grace of God, go we all.
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