For My Friend Lydia L.

Hi, Lydia!

I read with interest your blog post about some of the scary decisions you've been making and how torturous it is not to know what the future will bring, especially when you have no clear idea of when you will be employed...or where.  Humor an old lady and read what I have to say, will you please?
It isn't advice.  You don't need that.  It's experience, and maybe some of it will fit you.  I hope so!

So, you graduated from Ball State a semester early.  That in itself is an accomplishment.  Then you packed up your bags and moved to Los Angeles, halfway across the country from "home".  Do you have any idea how much I admire your courage?  I grew up in a different generation than you.  Being the good little girl that I was, I always did what I thought I was supposed to do.  I never had the chutzpah to wander far from the homestead, and in some respects, I suffered for that.  I was raised as a military kid with no roots.  We traveled far and wide, but when it came time for me to be an adult with a career and a family, I wanted a place to be that I could call home, and stay there.  You were raised with roots.  Spreading your wings is only natural, in that case.  Still, I've often wondered how different life would have been for me had I not limited myself.  I applaud your decision to try things on your terms.  It is the only way to find out what you really want and how high you can fly!

Once upon a time, when I taught English to 12th graders, I came to understand that so many of them were terrified at the notion of leaving home and school for the big, bad world, only because they were insecure in how well they had prepared themselves.  Many of them had no idea what they wanted to be when they grew up, even though they had already reached the age of majority.  I spent some portion of every year talking to individuals about their choices.  I would say, "You don't have to know what you want do for the rest of your life right now.  You only need a direction.  You need a skill.  If you think you might want to do something that requires a college degree, head for college.  If you want to be in business, think business school.  A trade?  Try a technical school.  It is not at all unusual for young people to change directions in medias res."  Some listened.  Some did not.  Many of the girls started having babies before they had husbands or a post-grad education, so they had to get jobs--any jobs--to support their children.  Same thing with the guys, many of whom were convinced that they could just hire on with Uncle Frank and his roofing business and make enough money to support themselves and their children.  Advantage: Lydia!  You always seemed to have a direction, smarts, and a level head.  (Translate: maturity.)  And from what I've seen, you are pretty good at what you do!

In my field of expertise (education), students right out of college were snapped up quickly.  Even though districts often said they wanted people with experience, the new graduates represented fresh fish in small districts because they were at the bottom of the pay scale.  (My first teaching contract in 1969, was for $6,400 in Heyworth, IL.)  I'm not sure the real world is still like that.  But here's the deal: someone is going to take a chance on you, even if you sign on for something less than what you want or need.  Experience comes from that first job.  No one expects you to stay with that first job forever.  Better opportunities will come along, and when they do, circumstances will improve.  In the meantime, you may have to flip a few burgers.  In the entertainment biz of the LA area, it's called Paying Your Dues. You have what it takes, Kiddo.  Just hold onto the edges of the flying carpet so you don't fall off in the meantime.

So, what happens if your dream falls through?  What if you don't find that perfect job...or any job at all?  You can second-guess yourself and kick yourself all you want, but it will not change what is.  If you count yourself as a failure, you will have given in to the stupidity that holds us back from taking chances.  It's like playing the lottery:  you can't win if you don't buy a ticket, right?  In taking the risks you have taken, you've bought a ticket to your future.  If the ticket doesn't win, you will still have a future!  You can always come home.  As Robert Frost once said, "Home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."  (From "Death of the Hired Man".)

Do not lose heart!  Do not be too hard on yourself!  Don't expect more from Lydia than what Lydia can conceivably do!  In the meantime, please understand that there are a whole lot of people in the Midwest who love you and have faith in you.  And yes, we'll take you back, no questions asked, if you need us.

The irony, of course, is that--while I envy the daylights out of the decisions you have made--I'm cursing my daughter for doing the same thing.  How DARE she move my grandchildren to Seattle!
God bless you in your venture.  I'm making new plans of my own--new, daring plans--to leave almost everything I have behind and move to Washington to become a burden to my family!  I'm as scared as you are!  And the beat goes on....

Love you, my friend!
Peg McN