My sister, whom we all call Saint Shari because of all she has to deal with due to her husband's dementia, planned a trip to come here. It was in the works at least six weeks...making sure one of her daughters could be there to watch over "Daddy", and preparing him for her departure with daily reminders. Still, the last thing out of his mouth as she pulled out of the drive to come here were, "Since you are leaving, I am divorcing you." Pretty strong words for a man who has been married to the same woman for 54 years and has absolutely nowhere to go in his condition, but it's still hard to hear, especially since Saint Shari hears it on a regular basis. If she does something he doesn't approve of, he says he is leaving her. We all know he isn't going anywhere. It's just part of his disease...but living with it on a semi-weekly basis isn't great.
Understand that Saint Shari lives in a beautiful home in the country just outside of Springfield, IL. It was gorgeous when they moved in, but they've made a LOT of improvements. I go there and envy the daylights out of their surroundings. But then there is the dementia thing that just puts a pall on everything. When Shari proposed to come here (without her spouse, obviously), I panicked. My little house-on-a-slab in Plainfield, IN, doesn't come anywhere close to what they have. But she is family...and I am infirm. I did the best I could to make sure that the bathrooms were clean and the sheets and towels...and that there was food in the house. And of course, the minute she stepped over the front door threshold, I knew I had worried for nothing. Mi casa, su casa. I didn't have to tell her twice. She was right at home, relaxed, and not the least bit critical of my humble stuff. In fact, she professed to envy it!
As kids, Shari and I fought. She was six years older than I--16 to my 10. A world apart. But as we aged and became parents, then caretakers of our own parents, etc., we found a common ground. There were rough spots, of course, but family prevailed. And now in our so-called Golden Years, we are each other's cheerleaders and caretakers. I love this woman. I tease her about getting all of the "good" family genes (which is true), and the fact that I look like the eldest of the two of us (also true), but I don't think for a second that she would ever turn her back on me...and I know I never would with her. We are sisters!
Shari's reason for being here was to have some respite from being the caregiver to her husband's needs. She said it felt good. I have to believe her. We didn't do that many special things. I got my hair cut; we both got pedicures. We bought flowers for my patio. We went out for a steak dinner at a local favorite restaurant. We hosted a luncheon for my grandchildren's other grandparents....her idea and work...and so it went. The rest of the time, we ate and drank and talked (and talked and talked)...and I loved every second of it. When she had to leave, we were both sad but also in recognition that all good things must come to an end.
It wasn't all peaches and cream when she was here. There were problems at home that tracked her down, but she still seemed to manage to get by that. All I know is that I loved having her here and she seemed to love being here. That's all I need!
What happens from here on out is up to God...but I will be there, all the way!
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